Just needed to vent... being a step-mom is tough sometimes...

[seoj]

I wasn't sure where else to post? As there is no forum specific to being a step-parent (although it would be nice!). But I am a full time parent to our 13 yr old child. She is only with her mom about 4 days a month and that has only become more consistent the last couple years....

But still, even after being her parent since she was 9... I still get a bit jealous when she texts or calls me with "exciting stuff" her and her mom are doing together. Yes, most of the time she spends with her "mom" is not the healthiest- and more often than not she comes home upset or sad about things that have occurred while in her care. I use the word care loosley with her mom. As she is NOT a good role model and does stupid stuff all the time- but I know overall she does love her daughter the best she can. Which unfortunately, isn't how she should love her... but nothing we can do about that. And since our kid is old enough, she ends up acting like the parent most of the time while she is there.

I know I should be glad when her moms does right by her. It's so rare and it's best for our kid to have the love and support she needs from all her parents. But after all the crap we've had to deal with over the years from the ex, it's tough to not cringe whenever she tries to act like super "mom". Sometimes, it breaks my heart to know she's actually having fun over there--- insane yes? lol.

I would never vocalize this to my kid. She in no way needs to know how it makes me feel- or how it sadins me when I hear her talk about her mom. Because I so wish I was her mom. But I know that's OK- because she has her own special name she calls me and that means the world to me! But still. I just wish I could find a way to let that frustration about her mom go...

I know we have a closer bond. I know she loves me on a level she doesn't even have with her mom. I know I'm her support system and her hero- lol- she even wrote a story about me being her hero at school. She pretty much always picks me for those kind of stories- or her dad, cause he's amazing!

This is just part of the step-parenting road. I've even had some close friends tell me the feel the same about their kids step-parents cause they only see them for a short time and it's tough when they are gone... so I'm just more the exception than the rule being that I'm the full time step-parent and she's the part time "mom".

I'm just having a moment cause it feels like we are the ones that set all the boundaries and rules- and her mom just let's her do whatever. But I also know, in my heart, that makes us better parents. Period. I guess being a good parent is sometimes a thankless job. So I should consider myself very lucky that I do know how much my kid loves and appreciates me... well, most of the time

Ok- rant over... I feel better now

 

[tallybee]

Aw, sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Step-families are full of challenges as you've found... It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, though. Being a parent can feel thankless at the best of times, exes involvement... really tough... all the best x

 

[mummy3]

Its normal to feel jealous sometimes hun, but you know your daughter loves you and you are doing best by her

 

[Elli21]

I love how you call her "our kid" and "your daughter" i love that

I have a step mum and a step dad.
And my step dad has been my dad for 15 years. (Even though my dad is still in the picture)

He treats me just the same as his own children and he treats my children just as any other grandfather treats their grandbabies.

And instead of reading "omg my step daughter or son is awful blah blah" this post really made me smile.

Your daughter is very lucky xx

 

[charlieann]

would she be texting/ calling you the same if it was a friend or another relative she was staying with? she's probably only telling you about the exciting things because she wants to share it with you because of your bond/closeness.

 

[seoj]

would she be texting/ calling you the same if it was a friend or another relative she was staying with? she's probably only telling you about the exciting things because she wants to share it with you because of your bond/closeness.

Yes, for sure she would... so I take comfort in that. It's just tough sometimes cause I so wish I was her bio mom and she was with us 100% of the time (even though we have her 90% lol). But I also know it's good when she does have a positive experience with her mom... that is certainly the best thing for her emotionally. Which is why I feel bad for even getting jealous at all- cause I know how much she loves me and there is room for everyone in that huge heart of her's

Thanks!