Just needed to vent

[lily2011]

Hello everyone.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and brand new to this site but I just needed to reach out because I feel so alone. I am a successful 29 year old and this was an unplanned pregnancy. I was only just beginning to date the baby's father (after he pursued me for 3 years!) when low and behold I found out I was pregnant. From the beginning, he was adamantly against me keeping me child. I told him I would consider his feelings, and I weighed all my options, but in the end I decided to keep the baby. He became supportive initially but then really backed away. This week he dropped a bomb on me. That he would like to sign over his rights so that he can walk away completely. I know that he just doesn't want to support the child financially because he has said that many times, even though he has a good job with a good salary. I even told him if he just made an effort to get to know his daughter once she's born that I wouldn't even ask him for child support.

He became very mean this week and told me he was only "using" me for companionship at the time and why would I want him in our lives anyway if I'm only going to resent him. I'm not even considering allowing him to do this because that would let him off the hook and I know that's what he wants. I do feel he has a financial obligation to the daughter he created and I do plan on getting all the support I can for her. I'm just so depressed and bummed...like how could my judgment have been so bad that I would actually fall for a guy who could completely walk away from his own child?? I am feeling guilty and ashamed and don't know how I'm going to tell my friends and family that the father wants nothing to do with me or the child. I just feel bad for my child, that she may not have a father, and that I did this to her I know my hormones are going crazy and I feel so alone, I guess I just needed to vent. I already love her more than words can describe; I just want her to have the world. Thanks for listening.

 

[mamashakesit]

I'm just so depressed and bummed...like how could my judgment have been so bad that I would actually fall for a guy who could completely walk away from his own child?? I am feeling guilty and ashamed and don't know how I'm going to tell my friends and family that the father wants nothing to do with me or the child. I just feel bad for my child, that she may not have a father, and that I did this to her I know my hormones are going crazy and I feel so alone, I guess I just needed to vent. I already love her more than words can describe; I just want her to have the world. Thanks for listening.

I know how you feel, as if you waited 29 years to have kids and you were waiting for the perfect guy and you ended up with this scum and you don't understand how you couldn't have seen it before? I waited 32 years and my daughter is 6 months old now and I'm still working on sorting this out. But it will get better, especially once the baby is here and everything is in perspective.

As for your family and friends, I was also the same way. I was embarrassed to tell them that he didn't want me, mostly because they all have great families. But I think you'll find that when you get over that hump, they will be very supportive of you and do everything they can to help you out (and take all the help and support you can get from them!!). Good luck!

 

[oaklvr]

I don't have much time to reply right now, but I'm in a similar situation, where someone I really trusted and looked to for support and believed in his morals, values, and the things he said, especially with him being 10 years older.. turned into someone very odd when he found out about my pregnancy, over 2 years of being together. I too feel like I had poor judgment, however you never really know how people are going to be unless they're presented with something that really shows their true selves. He may come around and want to see the baby, but really thats tough too. Once you get over the shock, you will feel better. It will become more like you and your daughter and less about his lack of responsibility and what a jerk he is.

 

[surprisebaby]

Its horrible. i totally know how you feel. something very similar happened to me. I only really started going out with this guy properly after dating for a year. i got pregnant the first time we had sex (we used protection-didn't work) and i got pregnant after one weekend! as soon as he found out he ran away and wanted nothing to do with us both. In fact stopped all communication (wouldn't answer texts, calls etc). He basically pretended i was dead.

Charlotte is now one and he has never really even seen her. We have bumped into each other a couple of times but he just blanks me.

It does get easier. I used to cry every night when i was pregnant because i wanted him back and i wanted us to be this perfect little family. But those feeling do go away after a while even though you think they won't. A bit like stopping smoking. you believe you can never stop or get rid of the cravings but after time you stop thinking about it.

i am now dating again and feeling a lot better.

it is a horrible thing to go though and noone really understands unless they have been through it themselves. its just such a loss and a betrayal.

but you can do it!!!! and you'll love it when your LO is born. It makes it all worth while x

 

[justlove]

*hugs* I've got to read and run but i be back later x

 

[lily2011]

Thanks everyone I'm trying to stay positive. I had a 3d ultrasound a few weeks back and I got to see her beautiful little face. Whenever I'm feeling down, I just look at her picture and feel so blessed, even when things in my life aren't going so well. He chooses to look at this as the worst thing in the world, and I just think he's so sad. Oh well, his loss!

 

[littlekitten8]

I think you will find most of the girlies in here feel the same I was with FOB for nearly 2 years. James was a planned baby and about half way through the pregnancy he started showing his true colours and becoming abusive and put me in a headlock when I was 24 weeks gone. When James was 3 months old he slammed me into a wall in front of his 3 year old son. So I left. I do sometimes feel guilty for James having him as his father and then I realise that actually he was a good dad to his other child so my judgement wasnt what was lacking. He now wants nothing to do with James and has signed over all rights to him. However my solicitor says by law he still has to pay maintenance regardless of whether he wants contact. Keep your chin up hunni. Remember your baby will have all the love she needs from you