Just so sick and tired.....

[allforthegirl]

of having boys. I have another thread on here, and I thought I was doing ok, but in reality I am not! All the comments about how much you will love him when he is here, is not helping. Well of course I will love him, but that doesn't fix the fact that I am not able to have a girl. What makes it even worse is that I have had only boys with two husbands.... So my stupid vagina hates me!

All the comments and such on FB and the stupid posts people are putting on their pages about mother daughter crap is going to put me into my coffin.

I just wanted, no needed, to do it a little bit differently. I have no want to buy or make this child anything. I am just so dang bored of all the boy crap in my house. I have already found myself wanting to throw it all out. I don't have a place for me here as all their stuff completely takes over everything.

I am so mad at myself for even thinking that it could happen. I am just putting unfair stress on my current children as well as this one in my tummy, as well as on myself. I am dreading my anatomy scan. As they will confirm for me that yup another boy. Which will remind me again that never will have a daughter. I have been making myself crazy thinking the lady was wrong. We paid for an early gender scan. At first I couldn't make out boy parts, but now that I have sat with it and looked at a million times it is starting to look more and more like boy parts, where as before I was sure it was a protrusion with swollen labia.

Man oh man did I read so much about how so many Dr and techs were wrong because every baby until the 20 week mark their genitals all develop at a different pace. So maybe just maybe it could be right? So I signed into my ingender account and posted my pic....everyone is so sure he is a he! That what I figured was not the right size to a penis and what I thought couldn't be a scrotum is. I am all right back to where I was and I just don't want to do this all over again. I am just so dang dumb.

I am just not sure if I will get over this. And no I don't think that me having female grandchildren is going to help me, at all. Doesn't mean I won't love them, I just know they will not fill the void of that daughter I dreamed about since I was very little.

So very unfair to my family!

 

[Misscalais]

Im really sorry you're struggling so badly. I have cried daily about the possibility of my unborn child being a boy. Thought about abortion in the early days because we were done having kids and this was a surprise, i didn't want any more boys. I love the ones i have dearly and was trying to get over not having a daughter. Until a few days ago i read this article. It brought me to my knees, sobbing my heart out in by bathroom and it truly gave me a whole new perspective. While i still don't want another boy, i will not let my disappointment leak out into my life or my children. If im to have 4 boys then that will be my life.
https://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/grieving-a-child/
please read it. Its about a death of a little boy, its not meant to make you feel guilty or bad about your feelings but it will stir something in your heart.

 

[allforthegirl]

Thank you for the article. I have a very different look on death. (Not sure if you believe or not, but that is ok if not) but I am able to speak to those that have passed.......and truly believe that we all choose our short/long lives. There is always a reason. As I know there is probably a reason for me not having a girl. That doesn't make my disappointment go away. Or make it any easier of a pill for me to swallow. So if "God" (if that is what you call the greater power) wants to take my child, any of my children away, there is nothing I can do about it. So I will grieve for never having a girl, but I will try my hardest not to do anything I will regret either.

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

I completely understand how you are feeling. I had booked a rare day off from work with my oh for the day after our gender scan. We were going to go into town, have a lovely lunch and buy the first of our baby clothes. When I found out it was a 6th boy, I cancelled our day out and stayed in bed all day heartbroken. I too have googled too much about techs getting the gender wrong and my hopes have started to rise again - heading for another fall aren't I!
I think it's just one of those disappointments that stays with you forever and you just deal to compartmentalise over time. It never leaves you sadly.

 

[allforthegirl]

I completely understand how you are feeling. I had booked a rare day off from work with my oh for the day after our gender scan. We were going to go into town, have a lovely lunch and buy the first of our baby clothes. When I found out it was a 6th boy, I cancelled our day out and stayed in bed all day heartbroken. I too have googled too much about techs getting the gender wrong and my hopes have started to rise again - heading for another fall aren't I!
I think it's just one of those disappointments that stays with you forever and you just deal to compartmentalise over time. It never leaves you sadly.

Possibly could hit yes.....

I am sure though I will hit over and over again through out my life time.

Another thing that angers me when people try and help is say just wait until all the granddaughters you may have....Are you kidding me? I will love my grandchildren.....girl or boy! That will never replace a daughter.....Then of course there is the whole well maybe you will be close with your DIL, again MAYBE but that is still not a daughter that I gave birth too, breastfed or kissed her booboos all the way. Every relationship has its place, and not one can replace the other.

Now with all this continued venting of mine, I do have to say that my friend did say something to me that gave me a huge AH-HA moment. I do feel a bit better, bit I know I have tons and tons of healing to do of my heart.

Cosmic I am so sorry you are going through this too. I would never wish this upon anyone. But I am here for you.....and you can always PM me or even add me on FB. Us momma's of 6 boys can stick together.

 

[Misscalais]

I have a question for you girls that I've been tossing up with. Im going to have my scan in 2 weeks ( ill be 18 weeks ) and while i really want to know if I'm having boy #4 or not im dreading the scan. I don't want to get upset at my scan like i did with DS3. I had to hold myself together long enough to get up and cry in the restroom.
I want to enjoy my scan. So im thinking maybe asking the sono to take a pic of the gender and ill open it when i get home. But even then i don't know if ill open it. If its not a girl ill have to let go of that dream right then verses waiting until birth and then at least if its a boy ill have a baby to cuddle and not worry too much in that moment?.
I dunno, what do you think?

 

[allforthegirl]

If it works for you I would say go for it. I am usually really good with not crying until I get home. So I still have my chance of watching the whole scan first.

Just a thought you could also get her to tell you at the very end when the tech is finished too, but that could be hard too.

Maybe your idea will be the best for you. Sounds cute.

As for waiting until birth....I couldn't....why? Well I wouldn't want my GD to affect my bonding. I personally need that time before baby is born. I need to work on healing myself and I don't want that to interrupt anything. But you have to do what is best for you, and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise. As no one is you!

 

[Misscalais]

Thanks hun. Yeah i agree and thats why i found out with ds3 so i could deal with it and bond the rest of the pregnancy. I think ill definitely get her to do a pic for me and write what it is then i can just deal with the emotions in the comfort of my home. Ill only have DS3 with me on the day ( as well as DH ) but he will have to go back to work.

 

[allforthegirl]

Well ladies today is scan day.......I am not sure how I feel today.....actually I am not sure I feel anything.....

 

[laila 44]

I hope you hear girl!!!! Keep us posted xx

 

[allforthegirl]

Well the tech told me it was too early for a certain measurement that they take for my babies (being high risk), so he would probably want to see me at 20 weeks. While she did the scan I was paying attention, and there was a point when she was getting baby's tummy or leg measurements, I saw something that could be scrotum like so I looked for a penis and all I saw was a line in between the said scrotum.....now I am not saying that it wasn't cause I was completely ready to see boy parts...so not really sure if a swollen labia can bee seen from that angle or not. So not I have to wait until mid Nov to find out for sure. But here is my baby anyways

 

[Lucy3]

How far along were you when you were told boy? My OB said I was having a boy at 14 weeks and he was wrong. xx

 

[allforthegirl]

I was Just 16 weeks. I paid for the ultrasound. Very new for where we live.

 

[laila 44]

Aw that's too bad Hun! My OB was able to tell for sure with both at my 12 week scan. He usually gives another at 16 weeks to confirm. I'm surprised they weren't able to tell...

 

[allforthegirl]

I am sure if I asked she would have been able to tell me.....I just figured I would wait until 20 weeks....For some reason I just didn't feel right asking yesterday, I thought she would ask me if we wanted to know....plus she said I would have another..... Oh well there will be no mistaking anything at 24 weeks.

 

[laila 44]

Absolutely!! You'll know for sure then xx