just venting!!

[Mrs.iwnamkabb]

Lately I've been stalking the sleep regression threads.. which have been giving me great ideas about how to deal with my situation with my LO.

But how about the rest of it..

Ive always prided myself on a kept house, food cooked lifestyle for my OH.. but with an almost 8 month old teething baby, it's all I can do to get through the day cooking dinner.. and MAYBE.. just maybe do the dishes for the past couple of weeks.

I should ask for help from my OH, but I'm stubborn, as is he, that we have our own roles in the relationship. Of course, if I don't feel like cooking, he will do it.. and once in a while he'll do the dishes..

Here is my usual day before teething began:
-up at 5:00am
-cook breakfast
-pack OH lunch
-set out OH clothes for work (he does this his self now)
-get myself ready
-eat breakfast
-wake LO and get him changed and dressed and fed
-leave at 7am to take him to my MIL
-go to work at 7:30
- Off work at 4pm
-pick up LO
-cook dinner
-feed LO
-bathe LO
-Eat dinner
-Put LO to sleep
-Laundry
-dishes
-tidy up
-finally sit down about 8:30pm
go to bed at 9:30
-wake up in middle of night to tend to LO

My OH goes to work..

so while he's an excellent provider and his money pays the bills.. I find it very frustrating to not only do everything I do, with no problem, to hear him get frustrated with LO for the few hours he sees him for crawling on stuff, or for crying because he wants attention..

Don't get me wrong, my OH is a great partner and great father.. I just get burnt out on feeling like I DO EVERYTHING!

He works 5-7 days a week though.. but I work too darn it.. I make half the money he does.. but I well than make up for it by keeping house.. I make his life easy, so that he doesn't have to do much..

So for him to get mad at me because I left the damn crock pot at work so now, he doesn't have it to cook his little smokies that he wants.. he jumps my butt about it..
-sorry the more I type.. the madder I get.. lol

anyways.. is anyone else going through similar things? or is it just me?

 

[Amygdala]

I'm sorry to say but I can't really relate. I firmly believe that a relationship should be 50:50. Who cares who makes how much money? It's hot hard you work that should count and it sure sounds like you do the lion share of the work. Does he do anything for you? Yeah, going out to work every day is exhausting but you know what? I'd take that along with having my food cooked and house cleaned for me any day over working AND doing the cooking and cleaning AND looking after LO. If you're happy with old-fashioned gender roles, that's up to you of course. But it doesn't sound like you entirely are. Maybe it's time to have a talk with OH about the parameters of your relationship, now LO is here.

 

[Mrs.iwnamkabb]

Oh he does plenty for me.. he really is my prince charming and the love of my life.. and trust me.. I'm just venting, so it's just the bad you're hearing.. because if I put my foot down and say HELP ME! then he will, I'm just stubborn and want to do it all.. because I'm proud that way.. but I just get a little burnt out at times.. especially if we get crabby at eachother..

 

[sue_88]

Oh he does plenty for me.. he really is my prince charming and the love of my life.. and trust me.. I'm just venting, so it's just the bad you're hearing.. because if I put my foot down and say HELP ME! then he will, I'm just stubborn and want to do it all.. because I'm proud that way.. but I just get a little burnt out at times.. especially if we get crabby at eachother..

Then just tell him if you're getting the feeling of being burnt out it'll do you good to actually tell him how you feel instead of the internet.

 

[Pearls18]

You lay his clothes out for him....? Sorry but it sounds like you have 2 children. I can't relate, hubby and I do things 50:50, he would never leave me struggling to get things done and if I think he isn't helping enough I ask for his help. There's no prize for being the best wife, you should be a team, you'll burn yourself out if you do too much and if you dont tell him he will take advantage. I'm sure he's a great guy, and you sound a caring person, but I think you will be happier if you don't try to live up to a certain image

 

[Mrs.iwnamkabb]

i was just venting..

 

[carbafe]

I'm not sure I understand. Are you mad at him for not doing anything or yourself for being to stubborn to ask for help.

I think you should have a chat and perhaps asking him to take on a few of the smaller chores as you now have a lot more on your plate with LO here.

I agree with Amygdala it shouldn't matter who earns more, in fact when I worked full time I earnt more the DH but I didn't expect him to do more around the house than me !

I think you need to be less hard on yourself. Your life is different now you have a LO and you can't do it all. It would be much better to ask your DH to help out with a few things than for you to burn out and everything to fall apart. x

 

[carbafe]

Just seen your reply. My DH isn't perfect. He would never think to clean the bathrooms, or mop the floors or check what shopping we need but if I ask him to help with those things he will without hesitation.

I definitely do more around the house but DH has 'his jobs' which helps to take the pressure off a bit. He baths the boys, he is usually the one who tidies the carnage in the living room once they have gone to bed, he sorts all the recycling and bins, he also does the majority of the ironing. We take turns to clean out the rabbit hutch and empty and load the dishwasher.

While I am off on maternity leave I do almost all of the cooking but when I am working he makes dinner or the days I work as he gets in first.

 

[Mrs.iwnamkabb]

carbafe.. i think you hit the nail on the head.. i didn't look at it that way.. i definitely am being hard on myself..

 

[Pearls18]

i was just venting..

And we're just responding....? Seems silly to get annoyed about something but not want to try and change it, venting is all very well but this situation is easily remedied with a bit of communication, that's all we're saying.

 

[carbafe]

carbafe.. i think you hit the nail on the head.. i didn't look at it that way.. i definitely am being hard on myself..

I know how you feel though. I do get frustrated that I can't keep the house as tidy as I used to. I keep looking at messy cupboards etc desperate to do a spring clean but just can't manage it at the moment ! I get my most done on a Thursday as my mum or MIL usually come over and play with the boys/ take them for a walk and I can get so much done while they are out !!

Do you have anyone near by who could do similar for you ?

 

[losingtheplot]

Ah op, I know exactly what you mean, we have 6 children and I do most things, I like it that way but sometimes it would be nice if he said " here let me bath that baby" or " shall I load the dishwasher" he works I do not but whatever he does he never works as hard as me x

 

[special_kala]

My DH is far from perfect but no way would he do nothing at home.

He works and im a SAHM but he does alot with the kids, does bedtime most nights, loads the dishwasher etc.

Just because he works it doesnt mean he can have no respect for me and let me run round like headless chicken doing everything else.

 

[Mrs.iwnamkabb]

Thank you lol he does everything I don't.. I was just overwhelmed earlier about all I do without his help.. Granted he does cook sometimes and does feed the baby.. But the house is my job and I like it that way.. He wouldn't do it the way I wanted to even if he did.. But yes.. On a night I'm tired I would love it if he did dishes or helped me fold a load of laundry..
But he cuts wood and works side jobs to make extra money and i refuse to clean the shower.. I got out of that one early on..

I just am tired from this whole sleep regression that we're going through and would like a little more help.

And I know communication is key..

So thank you for all the words earlier while I was having a mini meltdown..

 

[zorak]

I really find this hard to relate to. He is a man not a child. He let you pick out his clothes?

If you are feeling tired/burnt out talk to him. You can't get annoyed at him not doing stuff if you haven't said as much to him.

I firmly believe relationships should be 50:50. You are his wife not his maid.