Keeping it a secret?

[SaraVO]

It seems at every stage I have a new issue with family. We found out the gender yesterday. My husband and I haven't even started a list of names yet. This morning my mom sends an email telling me she is just going to call him by a random name until we decide and my sister sends me a text with a dozen names on it. A few I liked but I can guarantee that my husband will not let my sister name his son. No way no how. It has to be up to us. I had a friend in a similar situation a few years ago and they just kept their daughters name a secret until she was born. The few ideas I have had people have either flat out said no. You can't choose that or said something that ruined it for me. Just wondering if anyone has any experience in family members pushing their own ideas on to you and how you have either told them no. Or if you kept the name a secret until they were born and if there are any complications with doing so. I'm just frustrated. I'm nineteen weeks pregnant, I have known for sure I'm having a son for all of thirty hours and my family is trying to run my pregnancy like they bullied me when I was a kid.

 

[Fezzle]

Before we knew the sex, the only name we had on our shortlist was Ben (Benjamin) if it was a boy. We mentioned this to DH's family and my MIL made a face about it. It turns out we're having a girl, so Ben is out anyway, but that experience showed us it will be better to keep our name ideas to ourselves! We haven't talked about girl names yet, but we're telling people that we're not deciding until she's born, which is true. Luckily no one has tried to push a name on us though!

 

[pinkpassion]

I've gone back and forth on this, we haven't announced the gender yet, we will on Tuesday after we get the second confirmation that she really is a she ... but I learned with dd1 that if you come out and say "his/her name is XXX!" then people tend to leave their opinions to themselves. Dh and I knew dd1's name going I'm to the scan, so once we announced her gender we then announced her name , no questions. . Before that though when people would ask what we were thinking about they'd always have opinions when we would kind of waver. This time we know the name again and will announce again at the gender reveal. So we hope to avoid the comments again! Even though we love the name and don't care what others think it still hurts when people make comments.

 

[Spudtastic]

My family sound similar but I just take their input as a bit of fun. My sister loves to come up with name ideas and I consider each one because it's nice to have some ideas.
At the end of the day though dh and I will choose the name but it doesn't matter where we heard it.
To avoid people's opinions and to allow us to change our minds if necessary I say 'we have a few ideas but we'll see what she looks like'.
My dad has tried to pressurise me into telling him but I know he'll tell everyone else so I've said no.
Good luck with it all and stick to your guns. Once they know hopefully they'll back off trying to find out.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

When I was early pregnant I loved two names, Parker for a boy and meadow for a girl, my mum asked me if I had any names and I told her, well she sat ridiculing the name Parker for about 15-20 minutes, seriously ripping it to pieces and telling me she refuses to call the baby that if I name it that she will call it boy, my step dad joined in and ridiculed it too and he STILL goes on about it now and I'm at the end of my pregnancy, it was out of order but not unexpected! I don't know why I even told them the names because they have done this before but I had hoped they would have been a bit nicer, I'm gutted because if I have a boy now I really want the name Parker but it has been seriously ruined for me! I told them it's not their child so not their choice and since that day iv kept any baby names secret, my mum has not been best impressed and moaned that she won't even get the chance to get used to the name of she thinks it's horrible because I won't tell her, but tough luck I'm not having her ruining names all the time, she has got over not knowing because I just point blank said I'm not telling you because your opinion on it isn't wanted, and she's had to get used to it! She will find out when we name the baby and if she don't like it well good thing it is none of her business what I name my baby lol!!

 

[SaraVO]

When I was early pregnant I loved two names, Parker for a boy and meadow for a girl, my mum asked me if I had any names and I told her, well she sat ridiculing the name Parker for about 15-20 minutes, seriously ripping it to pieces and telling me she refuses to call the baby that if I name it that she will call it boy, my step dad joined in and ridiculed it too and he STILL goes on about it now and I'm at the end of my pregnancy, it was out of order but not unexpected! I don't know why I even told them the names because they have done this before but I had hoped they would have been a bit nicer, I'm gutted because if I have a boy now I really want the name Parker but it has been seriously ruined for me! I told them it's not their child so not their choice and since that day iv kept any baby names secret, my mum has not been best impressed and moaned that she won't even get the chance to get used to the name of she thinks it's horrible because I won't tell her, but tough luck I'm not having her ruining names all the time, she has got over not knowing because I just point blank said I'm not telling you because your opinion on it isn't wangted, and she's had to get used to it! She will find out when we name the baby and if she don't like it well good thing it is none of her business what I name my baby lol!!

Exactly. I was crazy about Isaiah. I loved it. It was THE boy name. Until my best friend and cousin and sister heard it. Now I can't get over the nicknames they said he would have. My sister Said it was a polygamist leader name... yeah they sucked. So I just don't want a repeat. It's such a huge decision. We have to choose what our son is going to be called for the rest of his life. It has to sound good if he is a lawyer or a doctor or a classical pianist. I just need a minute to absorb it all. And the enormity of creating a baby boy and how to raise him to be an exceptional honorable man. I just want them all to let me breath and get used to this.

 

[jessmke]

We are team yellow, but we have picked out our boy and girl name, but we are not telling anyone the name until the baby is born. When people ask me if we've picked names I tell them yes, but we are not telling anyone until the baby is born. Some people don't like this, some people think it's rude of me and I should just lie and say we don't have names picked out, but I think that is just ridiculous. This is our baby and we can do whatever we want, and if my decision to keep my baby's name a secret until birth offends people, then they need to get themselves a hobby and realize the world doesn't revolve around them. I couldn't imagine being so self involved that I feel it's my right to know anything about someone else's unborn child.

 

[SpringCrane]

It's very common in my area to keep names secret until birth or definitively announce the name with gender. I would never ridicule a name someone told me they were considering, but it does seem to happen. Just like asking a woman when she's due when she hasn't told you she's pregnant... it just shouldn't be done.

We didn't settle on a name for my son until labor, but before my baby shower a coworker tried to pressure me into "stop lying about not having a name" and just tell her so she could personalize a gift. People just feel entitled somehow when it comes to babies. I'm hoping to settle on a name for a girl and boy before labor this time, but it'll only be husband and I who know. I feel no guilt about keeping it quiet. What if we change our mind? We wouldn't want to feel stuck with a name if other people knew it and got attached, nor would we want anyone's opinion we didn't explicitly seek out.

 

[Caitie44]

The day we found out we were having a girl, SO and I decided on Lilia for our DD's name. We both loved it and announced to family. All we heard was that it was stupid, and we should just name her Lilian because Lilia sounded like we forgot a letter. Obviously that ruined the name for us.

We then decided to change it and not tell anyone our options. Everyone found out when the birth certificate was filled out. I always recommend keeping it a secret.

 

[SaraVO]

I made the mistake of telling my best friend our short list of names...

Sebastian. I like it I've never known one so there is no association with it. I think it's unique and strong. It's in literature quite a bit and that is the theme of my nursery.

Her comment- she loves it but he will be called ******* as a nickname kids will make fun of him and he will come home from school in tears.

Nathan- it feels like an easy to live with but not overly popular name. Good for a strong man. It sounds honorable to me. Nathan Richard rolls really nicely.


Her comment- hates it. All Nathan's are as*holes. But she will call him nate which I hate.

Any way there is also matthew and kaleb but you get the point here. She asked me if I wanted her opinion to be honest and I said no. So we will see if that helps anything. I think I'm done sharing. We can't not choose something because someone else has a bad memory of a person with that name. Besides she think her friend who named her kid Ike had great tastes obviously we just aren't going to agree here. I think ike sounds like a cartoon character or dogs name. Not a name for a man.

 

[Alea]

We told immediate family and a couple of close friends the name. I told them I could care less what their opinion was! The baby is ours and we love the name and that's all the matters. Everyone else found out when she arrived.

We have names picked out for future children and will also keep it fairly secret.

 

[Mrs Bee]

We announced our girls names as soon as we found out the gender - so 16 weeks with our first and 19 weeks with our second(we had been told two different genders so we waited on confirmation and announced the pregnancy, gender and name all in one go) I have found people won't make a nasty comment about a definite name of a baby - if that's the baby's name....unless they are complete a-holes! Why others think they have a right to name your child is beyond me!!! If they don't like a name....they don't need to call their child that, but there is no need to carry on about someone else's child being called that!

 

[LoveCakes]

I found that before the baby is born people will be brutally honest and rude.

Once the baby is named people will usually be more restrained.

I know very few people who told their actual names

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I would just tell them you haven't decided on a name at all, and don't plan to until he's born and you can see what he looks like then change the subject or suggest he can be referred to as 'baby boy' or something until then?

We told people the gender and our name choice last time. There were mainly positive reactions but a few family members reacted with a 'Oh right' and then kept suggesting other names until I gave birth. But we loved our choice so much it didn't bother me. This time we're keeping all our choices to ourselves.

 

[Qmama79]

We don't share names as its too personal & everyone has opinions about it. This is between me, my oh and baby.

 

[UponAStar]

I waited until my son was born to decide on his name. My OH and I had a few names that we kind of liked. We ended up deciding 100% on the name because my son looked toward us when we said it.

I got so much ridicule for wanting to wait to decide on a name. I had MIL sitting down and naming every name she could think of even after we said we were waiting. I also had MIL tell me I was harming my son because he wouldn't know his name when he was born (when in reality she just wanted to tell everyone). Some of my own family thought it was odd that I was waiting, but, they were never outright rude with it. I did get general opinions from my sister beforehand because she has always been the type to be respectful as well as honest.

Naming a child is a very personal thing and it is hurtful when others try to take that joy away. So, I will most likely continue to keep names a secret until the baby is born or I am 100% confident that it is the "perfect" one.

 

[Starlight32]

We've told some of my family our contenders. We aren't going to advertise to anyone else we know though.

 

[Lumi]

We kept our sons name secret (Dexter) until he was born, we didn't want anyone's opinion and figured once he was born everyone would be too excited to say anything negative. Worked well for us and will do it again if we have any more children

 

[Bevziibubble]

We haven't told many family this time, only a few people as some people were quite opinionated on some of our ideas for girls names last time and some of their comments were quite rude, so we will announce at the birth this time, at least they're less likely to insult the name then!

 

[SaraVO]

I told my husband some of the opinions that people had. He wasn't very impressed. His response to not choosing one because it was a cousins ex was pretty much the same as mine. We have to many of them to take everyone of their opinions into consideration and this is our son and our choice. He also asked me not to give the people who have upset me any ammunition to keep doing it. So we are firmly set on keeping his name to ourselves. We will mail birth announcements when he is here.