Last Name "Issue"

[AandJ514]

I'm not an expecting Dad at this point, or even technically married, but a question came up that I'm not sure how to go about this.

My future wife already has two children (two girls, soon to be 4 and 8), from two different fathers (no judging needed). One of the girls has her fathers last name, while the other has her mothers last name.

Amongst the plans of getting married is the possible change of last names. In an attempt to not make any more confusion or distress amongst the youngest daughter, her mother was going to hyphenate her last name with mine (which I have no problem with). The 7 year old still has her father and his family in the picture, while the 3 year old would sometimes only see her father 3 or 4 times in a year. I have been in the picture since just before the youngest turned 1.

However, we are planning on having a child of our own, but what last name should the child have? Do we subject a child to joining the large mess of names amongst the family? Hyphenated name? My name? Just looking for a few viewpoints.

 

[CandiceSj]

If your wife-to-be will be using a hyphenated name (hers-your's), it would make sense that your child use that same hyphenated name which would have him or her have one of the names in common with her sibling. From what I understand, the 3 year old with your fiancee's last name is raised in the same family unit that the baby will be, with little contact from the biological dad... It would make sense that they have the name in common even if they don't with the oldest child.

And the oldest child's dad might have another child someday - they will share a name! That's what happened to my cousin's daughter. She has unrelated siblings from her dad's side and mom's side, so in her case 2 bros and 2 sisters, two of them have the same dad, so the same last name as her, the other two are from the new family unit and have the same name as each other but not the same name as her. She sees her dad regularly (1 weekend out of 2 type of arrangement) and lives with full custody with her mom and her 2 not-the-same-name siblings. Seems to work out!

Good luck!

 

[Moma Ali]

my mother devorced and remarried so me and my brother have different names, my mother kept her 1st married names so me and her match and my brother took his dads name so they match.

my DS has his dads name but mine is technically hyphanated (but im just using the short version often) if we had more kids I would just use the dads name too as I dont think our children need a hyphen - its my history not theirs

but you story is more complicated I guess so (making up names as a pure example) you mean it would be like:

Emily Smith - mother
John Clinton - step father/father
Sophie James - 1st child
Ava Smith - 2nd child

and then what to call a 3rd? with options being: (example names again)

Jason Clinton
or
Jason Clinton-Smith
or
Jason Smith

or the other option would be all 3 kids have different names right? like

Sophie James
Ava Smith
Jason Clinton


although I normally dont like hyphen's on childrens surnames it might be the only way to form consistancy... can you hyphen the oldest to add the mothers name? it should be fine as the mother is the mother so entitled to have her name in their, I think that would be what I would do and worry about the 3rd when it gets to that
then you could maybe have:

Sophie James-Smith
Ava Clinton-Smith
Jason Clinton-Smith

but you would probably need the fathers permision to change the 2nd childs name, if not it might be better they all retain the mothers name and maybe use your name as a middle name if that makes sense

Sophie James-Smith
Ava Smith
Jason (Clinton) Smith

or have 2 hyphen names and 1 not

Sophie James-Smith
Ava Smith
Jason Clinton-Smith

it is a very confusing situation really and were as im sure you have the best intentions you do have to be careful not to step on the biological fathers toes/rights. I personally think its better to join the children through their mothers name than to try and force and non related name on them. hope you figure it out