Late termination for medical reasons - advice please

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Lol78, Aug 26, 2009.

  1. Lol78

    Lol78 Well-Known Member

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    I am 21 weeks today and have been told my baby has serious abnormalities and has almost no chance of survival. We will see a consultant of Thursday but have been warned that there is nearly no chance of a good outcome.

    I am now faced with the toughest decision of my life. Do I let nature take its course and wait or do we end this pregnancy. I never ever thought I would have to make this decision. I don't feel prepared to go through labour. I have no idea what to expect and no idea what to do. I am utterly lost.

    To anyone who has gone through a late termination, could you please tell me what to expect.

    I'm sorry if this all sounds a bit unemotional, but I am just totally numb right now.
    Thanks all.
     
  2. lisa_33

    lisa_33 Well-Known Member

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    i am sorry i cant offer you advice,as i havent been through this. but my heart truley goes out to you. i am so sorry you are having to go through this xx
     
  3. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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  4. NickyT75

    NickyT75 RIP Sophie my angel

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    Oh Lol :( im so sorry to hear this hun :hug:

    Maybe you should wait and speak to your consultant as he will be able to explain things properly to you?

    Id hate to think you might worry even more after reading something someone has posted on here :( but you should be aware that you will have to deliver your baby should you decide to terminate :(

    my heart goes out to you as nobody should have to make this truly awful decision you are being faced with :(

    Get all the facts from your consultant & make the decision with your OH based on what the consultant says :hugs:

    :( I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better sweetheart :cry: life is so unfair but you have to do what is right for you :hugs: xx
     
  5. Mazzyboo

    Mazzyboo Mummy of 4

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    Hi

    First post here and it's one that is close to my heart. I lost my son in April 2007 due to Patauas and HPLH, he was a termination (I feffing hate that word!!) for medical reasons.

    The choice wasn't a choice, it was carry on not knowing if he can feel pain or is suffering, or do the inevitable and let him go. We decided to bring his birthday forward and let him fly free.

    I adore my son, I love him as much as my other kids. Unless you are in this position you cannot even begin to imagine the horrendous emotions that comes with it.

    I took away his pain and suffering and put it on myself. I now have to grieve for the rest of my life and miss my son forever, I took his pain and put it on me, and that is what mummies do, the best for their children and this was the best for him.

    No matter what your'e decision is sweetheart please take it easy. Yes you will have to go through labour, I mean at 21 weeks you have a baby!! David was 21+6 and it was 9 hours of labour.

    Speak to your consultant and ask them all the questions, inlcuding chances, survival rates, can they feel pain, what to expect etc.

    Thinking of you so much ((()))
     
  6. DiddyDons

    DiddyDons Guest

    I am so sorry, I have no words but I am thinking of you :hugs2:
     
  7. Amos2009

    Amos2009 Well-Known Member

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    I have never been through this so I really don't have any advice....but lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: So sorry you are having to go through this
     
  8. Liz2

    Liz2 Well-Known Member

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    I have never been through this so I can't even imagine what you are feeling. I just wanted to say that I am sorry and send lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs: your way.
     
  9. amazed

    amazed Mummy of 4 <3

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    I have never been through this hun but just wanted to send my love...xx
     
  10. Suz

    Suz ~ I are a Nerd ~

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    Thinking of you :hugs: I would talk to the doctor and maybe even try to get a second opinion before making your choice. You need to do what is for the best and we will be here to support you no matter what that choice is :hugs:
     
  11. Sparklestar

    Sparklestar Mommy to Keigan

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    I'm so sorry you are faced with this decision, one of my friends faced the same thing and she too chose to let her baby go. I cant imagine what you are feeling. sending big :hugs: xxxx
     
  12. T'elle

    T'elle feeling blessed & lucky!

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    hi hun im really sorry your in such a dreadful situation...a friend of mine was told her son would be downesyndrome and severe abnormalities etc and was born perfectly healthy xxxxxx
     
  13. Mazzyboo

    Mazzyboo Mummy of 4

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    Did they have amnio etc, because if they did then I'd be claiming !!! An Amnio should check chromosones etc and it should NEVER be wrong. :(

    We had an amnio as well as detailed scans which showed T13 and HPLH and even though I didn't opt for PM following David's birth it was obvious when he was born that he was poorly :(
     
  14. Lol78

    Lol78 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all for your support. I can't make a decision until I have spoken to the consultant tomorrow.

    I'm just devastated. Our baby is ill and I can't make it better.

    I worry so much that he or she is in pain and can't bear to feel him or her move because I imagine that it's due to pain. I just don't know what to do for the best and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to go through what I need to.
     
  15. BabyHaines

    BabyHaines Mummy to baby George!!

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    I just wanted to post to say I'm thinking of you. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope things go well with the consultant. Just remember not to be afraid to ask a thousand questions if need be and ask for a second opinion if you feel you need it. Don't be bullied into anything by the doctor.
    Do what YOU and your OH feel is right for you xxxxxxxx
     
  16. Sprat

    Sprat mum to 2 boys

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    Sweetie - I just wanted to say you are stronger than you think and you will get through this one way or another. It may seem like a much clearer decision tomorrow when you have spoken to the consultant - you cannot make a decision until you have all the facts. We are all here for you. xxxxxxx :hugs:
     
  17. AlwaysPraying

    AlwaysPraying Mom of two!

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    You should ask on the still born / neonatal board as well. They may have some info for you there. I've sent you a private message from my end.

    I remember specifically that exact emotion - worrying about my babies pain. The ultrasound was devastating, hard for me to look at, I couldn't imagine what it must be like for my little one to be living that.

    You are strong enough to get through this, because you ARE getting through this right now. Whatever you decide will be for the best of you, your family, and your child, no matter what that decision is. Take it one moment at a time, one decision at a time, slow it down and take it one step at a time. I asked questions like "What did other women in my situation do? How did other pregnancies end up with my scenario? What is life like with this condition if he lived? What is a late term miscarriage going to be like? What is termination at this point going to be like? What are the risks to my body with either termination or natural miscarriage? What are the risks to the baby if I keep carrying? What is the survival rate of this condition in these types of situations? What is life like for children with this condition?" Our answers were all very negative and ended up having a short painful life inside of 1 year. With the answers to those questions your decision will become more clear.

    I'm sorry if my questions don't cover your situation, I'm not sure of the specific scenario your dealing with, so take those that will apply. I was given three choices, 1. termination 2. carry to term 3. wait for natural miscarriage. It seems conflicting, but the last two were because they had no clue of knowing if he would miscarry on his own, or be born alive. He should have never gotten to the midpoint of a pregnancy with the condition that he had, so from that, they had no idea how much longer he was going to stay around for. Make sense? Sorry if I'm rambling.
     

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