Learning all you can

[katerdid]

Hello ladies, first timer here. I want to be prepared as possible for labor so it won't be scarier than need be.
Anyone have any resources or anything to share? Any books that helped you, or movies, or certain types of classes, etc?
What are some things that helped your OH prepare for their support job?
What are things things you wished you would of done, or hadn't done?
Anything that might be helpful - I wanna hear it all

 

[Nikki_d72]

I would reccommend Sarah J Buckley MD: "Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering", for explaining all the physiology involved in labour, how your hormones work to allow birth to take place, and the baby's part in it (yes they release all sorts of hormones too, kind of chemical communication, hehe). Anything by Dr Michael Odent, he's amazing. There's a book by Barbara Harper, RN, called "Gentle Birth Choices", that's a bit old but still really valid and a fabulous read for Americans, gives a full history of obstetrics as well as everything else related to birth and labour in the US, makes it easy to see why many things are done the way they are now in US hospitals. Sheila Kissinger is good too, again from a while ago and Brittish but mostly still valid and the Queen of all things birth has to be Ina May Gaskin (another American, the mother of modern midwifery).

I thought I'd read loads the first time, but they were all standard texts about week-to week development, stages of labour, blah blah and they were of absolutely no use to me in the end - I ended up in hospital (was supposed to be a birth centre) without my own midwife and was all at sea. Things quickly got out of my control and I ended up with everything I didn't want. I was pretty confused afterwards as to how it all happened that way, when I thought I was quite knowledgeable! I wish I'd read some of these before then, but I have now and things will be different this time. I'm not trying to scare you, by the way, just letting you know that all reading is not useful!

You want to educate yourself, so you obviously have the right mindset in the first place, so many women just hand it all over to their doctor's or midwives with the idea that they will do everything and they just need to show up on the day! Most people do more research into their new phone or TV than that!! Good luck, and happy reading... xxx

Oh and ETA: here's a good link for Partners being a good support to you: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/ten-tips-on-being-a-great-birth-support-person

it's from an Australian site but that doesn't matter, the role of support person is the same anywhere, isn't it.

 

[Brieanna]

I agree with the pp, that knowledge is one of the best things because the more you know the less you have to be scared about.

My OH read and researched a lot by himself (online and I bought him "What to expect when your wife is expanding" which is more of a funny book) and we both looked up what was going on every week in the pregnancy so we were both involved with learning. He also attended the birthing classes (our hospital had really great ones that were really informative).

If you plan on breastfeeding, research about that too because for some people it is easy and the baby picks it up like a dream, but for some people it is very difficult for mom and baby and since you never know which one you will be, it helps to be prepared.

Know right now who will be allowed in the labor room and MAKE SURE everyone else is well aware! (It's hard to tell your MIL you don't want her in there when you are 8 cms dilated and in pain!)

Don't google anything during your pregnancy about your pregnancy, labor or baby, you will only scare yourself!

Also, be prepared for ANYTHING! I wanted an all natural birth and thought I was fully prepared for everything that would happen. At first everything went well, I labored at home for as long as I could med-free using techniques I had learned about but after a long labor and pushing for awhile she got stuck and I ended up needing an emergency c-section. I had not researched anything about a c-section (it was the absolute last option on my birth plan!) and I was very unprepared and scared because I had no idea what was going on and no one really had time to tell me because they were all in a hurry and concentrating on the baby so it was a horrible experience that would have probably been better if I had known more about c-sections.

Since you are from the U.S. I will say to make sure you know all about your insurance and what costs you might have to have. We had planned on an all-natural vaginal birth but ended up with an emergency c-section which ended up costing $36,000.00!!!! Luckily our insurance covered most everything and we are working out a deal with the hospital for what we owe, but we were not financially prepared and it would have helped if we knew more in advance.

This is not really about labor, but more about pregnancy. I took pictures every week of my bump and even though it didn't seem like a big deal then, I am soooooo glad I have them now to keep!

Basically research and educate yourself so you feel more prepared. Most of all, enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[kate.m.]

Ina may gaskin: great for feeling "wow: we women are amazing!" & confident about birth

Juju sundin's birth skills: great for teaching you tips & techniques during labour so that you feel more an active partner in it & not like its something thats happening to you that u cant control. I got to 8cm before calling the midwife out & im sure its due to using the techniques in this book!

 

[LockandKey]

it's important to be flexible, because as other ladies have said, anything can change and there's a chance nothing will go as planned. This happened to me, and I'm glad I went to the hospital rather than birthing at home. I ended up having some complications during the birth, despite my pregnancy going extremely well, and if I hadn't decided to give birth in the hospital, I probably would be childless right now

 

[JeepGirl]

Read through this thread

https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-third-trimester/499241-things-films-dont-tell-ya.html

It's a long one, but so worth the read. I had my 1st LO 3mths ago and went into labour with no fear. When the day finally came, I had no suprises at all because I had read about anything and everything that could happen in this thread. It really should be a sticky!

 

[AlwaysPraying]

I read "What to expect when your expecting" during my pregnancy and loved it.

I would highly recommend you take a tour of the hospital before delivery, sometime in the last month. That way you will feel more comfortable with where your going and what it's going to look like. Ask to see the rooms, and what the process is and get them to walk you through it. Also ask to see the OR room. For me, the imagination is worse than reality. I did end in a c section but the room was lovely, the nurses were chatting to each other during set up and all was nice and calm. Not like I had imagined or seen on tv!

As for your partner...good question. I had a lot of "expectations" talk with him. Did he want to cut the cord, did he want to be at the foot and watch the whole show, simple questions like that. Ask if there are concerns and see what you can do to help. Figure out if dad / partner can stay at night (some hospitals they get kicked out at 11pm for ex). This may sound silly, but be very explicit with exactly what it is you want of him. I told my husband that he has to always touch me (keeps me grounded), he must tell me if there is an issue (he would be the one to talk to drs, not me or anyone else). Apologize in advance for being demanding, crying, being scared, yelling, scratching, squeezing or being nasty to him. I asked that my husband not laugh at me if I make stupid faces, it's dumb, but I was worried it would feel like he was making fun.

Now all that being said, most all of it will go out the window, but being as prepared as possible helps. One other silly thing, make sure your partner packs a bag. You'll have three bags, one for you, one for baby and one for partner. His bag will have a change of clothing, snacks that he likes (it is SO important that he eats and keeps his energy up for you), camera, emergency contacts, phone number list (in case phone goes missing).

One thing that did help was in our birthing class they did a mock c section. There was 14 doctors and nurses in the room, plus mom and dad. They went through the surgery, getting the baby out and where baby goes once he is out. Most all of the people there are in case of emergency, I had 18 people in the room with us, baby pooped inside so there was another emergency team in with us because of that, but once he was out and took his first breath clearly, that team left almost instantly. Knowing that so many people could be in the room at once helped calm me, because if I went in there and saw all those faces I would have freaked out there was some emergency!

I'm done rambling for now....hope you can take something away from it!

 

[canadabear]

I highly recommend watching Orgasmic Birth! It is SO empowering and very informative about how our bodies are made to birth when we allow them to do so.
Alot of people also recommend The Business of Being Born, which is also good, especially if you are in the U.S., but I did find it a bit pushy.. and not as empowering as Orgasmic Birth.

And.. I am another one that says to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.. wonderful!!

Though these two examples do highlight homebirths, they are helpful and empowering no matter where you are planning on birthing. (I will be in a hospital, but choosing natural birth.)

 

[Pearls18]

I recommend birthing classes- I wasn't offered any by our NHS so we booked private ones with the NCT which probs aren't in the US but were great particularly as they were a little more pro-natural and had lots of advice on water birthing, tens machines and psychologically over coming labour and breastfeeding also- but they also had info on pain relief and what would happen if we had to have a c section. It was brilliant and I made friends I'm still in contact with- so if the US has similiar I'd recommend!