Leaving a 6 week old with grandparents overnight....

[babyface15]

My MIL has offered to take my baby girl for an overnight to give us a break and always wants to take her for a few hours when she can to give us time to do something we enjoy. I'm not sure about my husband, but I always feel like I'm being dragged away. I love her sooo intensely that I feel very uneasy being separated. I personally would never give her up for an overnight. The four hours we spent apart last weekend to see a movie almost gave me a heart attack. On the drive home I was just so anxious to see her and nurse her and I spent the whole movie thinking about her. At one point I was thinking about her so much my milk starting leaking lol. But to each their own I think!!

 

[bunnyrabbit]

Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

 

[HanaK]

I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.

Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any different

Yes, and having 'two homes' has been proven detrimental in a lot of cases. Idk, it just makes me wonder why people have children if they refuse to give up their previous life.

Also, I'm only 21 myself, and when I hear/read about young parents going out too much, it pisses me off because I feel like it makes all of us young parents look bad.

This is a bit ridiculous. Not all of us are Mother Earths who don't want to spend one night in adult company for months and months. Having the odd night away is surely healthier than wishing you could and being unhappy. If you don't want to fine but there's absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little down time.

You can't equate the odd night away to parents being out all the time.

When did I say months and months? The odd night away is fine. But the OP isn't talking about the odd night away, she wants to do it every weekend.

I will re read thread... Every week is a bit excessive. Having a baby is a life changing responsibility. Nothing wrong with the odd night but every parent has to accept that they can't live the life they used to. Nor, really, should they want to...

Actually, I'm editing this. Who am I to judge? I have my own perspective which is by no means the right one. I bet LO will still grow up happy and healthy either way.

 

[kates84]

Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

Nobody wants you to feel bad hon, they are just explaining why they would or wouldn't do it. As everyone has said, you need to do what is right for you and your family. As I said before, if you would be less happy or more resentful if you don't do this, then it is absolutely best if you go for it. Just because a lot of us wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's going to hurt your baby x

 

[ellismum]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

 

[Noelle610]

Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

It's totally normal to feel trapped and long for parts of your old life, I think. It's part of the grieving process of leaving behind the past and becoming a mother. I've felt that way and I totallyl get it.

Why not just try LO with your parents and see how it goes?

 

[Noelle610]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've witnessed it)

I think I was imaging the scenario from my perspective, since I already work 8:30-5:30, so weekends are my time with LO. Obviously I should not have made assumptions!

 

[special_kala]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

I wish 6 week old spent all night sleeping

 

[smallpeanut]

You chose to have a baby... In doing so you made a decision to leave your old life behind? You shouldn't resent your son for that at all, it was your choice. I do understand an odd night. Even perhaps fortnightly. But every week is very excessive. If your son was 4 doors away would you not feel guilty that you could be cuddling him to sleep but instead it is someone else?

Just my opinion. Maybe I'm too attached?

 

[smallpeanut]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

But working and having a social life are different reasons? There's a different intent behind it. Like I sad, maybe I'm just way too attached lol!

 

[sevenofnine]

Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

Going out for a night partying is not a bad thing, we all need to relax.

But honestly you have me not feeling so great about your comments here. You don't want to resent your son because you lost your old life? What did you think would happen when you have a baby? A baby is not like a job where you get weekends off... at least it's not supposed to.

Do you think you might have post partum depression? Or is it just simply that you resent having a baby because you want to go out with friends instead?

And obviously you wouldn't watch your son while intoxicated, but you say that like leaving him with his grandparents is your ONLY option so that you can have some drinks.

I know you must not have meant it that way. I would recommend getting some help or talking over some of these feelings with a doctor. It's normal to grieve some of your old life, but it is NOT normal to feel resentful of your baby just because you can't go out with friends, etc.

 

[HanaK]

Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

Nobody wants you to feel bad hon, they are just explaining why they would or wouldn't do it. As everyone has said, you need to do what is right for you and your family. As I said before, if you would be less happy or more resentful if you don't do this, then it is absolutely best if you go for it. Just because a lot of us wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's going to hurt your baby x

OP I do understand how you feel as I felt the same at first. I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling that way either.

Could you not still have a few glasses of wine with LO in bed? My husband and I still cook meals and share a bottle of wine with LO upstairs. Obviously you have to limit alcohol intake so that you are still sober, but you can still enjoy a drink/takeaway/film.

What about leaving LO with grandparents for an hour or two so you can go to the pub or get dinner?

 

[SaraEmily]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

But the thing is, at least one of them has to be working already to afford these weekends away, so it's hard to imagine one or both parents working all week and then sending the baby away on weekends, which may be the only family time they'd get.

 

[sevenofnine]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

But working and having a social life are different reasons? There's a different intent behind it. Like I sad, maybe I'm just way too attached lol!

I think I'm too attached too... which can also be a bad thing!

 

[Noelle610]

I have to admit, I think some of you are being too hard on the OP. I like to think I'm a great mother, but I certainly grieved my old life and have at times resented my child. Obviously I adore her - and I hope you can see that from my activity on BnB - but I dont' think those feelngs are abnormal. Truthfully, I wish people would talk about it more and make it less taboo. It's a really hard transition from being "just you" to being a mother.

 

[special_kala]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

But working and having a social life are different reasons? There's a different intent behind it. Like I sad, maybe I'm just way too attached lol!

I think I'm too attached too... which can also be a bad thing!

I wouldnt say its too attached. To me its normal to not want them away from me (im not saying its abnormal for others)

 

[staralfur]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

That's not the same at all. Most people go back to work out of necessity. You're leaving your child at daycare because you need to make money to support them.

If someone made a thread about putting their child in daycare from 8:30-5:30 so they could go hang out with friends, I would be willing to bet money that the reaction would be much the same as the OP is getting now.

Anyway, I don't think having a 6 week old stay overnight at their grandparents' place is that unheard of. I've seen it posted a few times here. To me, every weekend does seem excessive. But it's not like she's signing a contract. OP, you could try it and see how it works. You can always decide not to continue doing it if you don't want to.

 

[Kristin52]

A lot of what I can say to most of this here is HA!

OP- do what you want.

I suffered from severe PPD, and I'm talking not sleeping, hearing voices and contemplating killing myself severe. I gave up Ryland the first chance I got and it saved my sanity along with the correct medication. ANYWHO! Resentment does happen, and even if you planned your child like I did, it still could happen. I never in a zillion years thought I would become a mom who enjoyed the time away but it happens.


So follow your instincts as to what you want to do!

 

[bunnyrabbit]

Sevenofnine, I definitely do not have PND, I just want some time to myself, with my husband, with friends, having a drink. Grandparents offered the odd weekend but more likely it wold be once a week, every Friday or Saturday evening and I'd collect him first thing in the morning.
Maybe resent was the wrong word, but I want To enjoy being a mother and find the balance between being me, being a wife and being a mother. I figured 1/7 days without my son wasn't too bad....but I guess my feelings are in the minority!

 

[Sparrow85]

Firstly, I left my baby at 2 weeks old for the first time and he stayed overnight with my parents. We had a housewarming that night! I needed to let off some steam and to be honest, I wasn't ready for it, as I was so tired. However, my LO has stayed at my parents on a thursday night every week since. In the early days when I was shattered, it was a godsend. I could a full nights sleep and a long lie, and I honestly think, it helped me be a better mum. My mum picks him up at 4pm on a Thursday and he comes back at 1pm on a Friday. I don't think there are two people closer than me and my mum, so I never worry about him when he's there.

On a Thursday night, me and OH have a date night. We go out for dinner or we go to the cinema. I refuse to feel bad for that. I love my LO more than anything else in this world, but my and OH still need some 'us' time too. I've been on quite a few nights out too. If we both have a night out or something planned at the weekend, my mum comes here to put him to bed and stays overnight, as she works a saturday and a sunday and starts early. He doesn't stay overnight on the Thursday if I'm leaving him on the saturday. I honestly don't think I'm doing anything wrong and my LO has never suffered for it. He's spoiled so much at my parents and his eyes light up whenever he sees either of them.

As for the OP's last comment, I can relate. Please remember her baby is only 6 weeks old. I felt like I had been hit by a train the first 6 weeks. Nothing prepares you for having a baby, no matter how old you are. There were days I just hated my life and was wondering what I had done and why did I think it was a good idea to have a baby. I mourned my old life and for some, it's hard accepting that your life has changed so much. I don't feel like that now at all. I was over it by 8 weeks PP and wouldn't change this life for anything. I certainly didn't have depression.

OP, do whatever you feel comfortable with. I, personally, couldn't leave my baby for a full weekend, every week but once a week for an overnight isn't that big a deal to me.