Letting baby cry it out?

[Chel]

Who lets their baby cry it out to self settle to sleep? For how long would you let them g and how old are they?

Also, if you dont, how long to you spend settling you bub, and how do you do it?

I'm a bit stuck, I'm not sure which path to go down and I'm worried I'm just confusing Jasper by not picking a settle technique and sticking to it.

 

[aidensmommy88]

When my step son (boyfriend son) was a baby, hes a little over 2 now, we let him cry it out. We just checked to make sure he was alright, diaper changed, no gas, all that, then if we knew he was, we'd let him cry. He was alright. I believe it made him more independant. My cousin coddles her baby, and shes attached at the hip to her now, which is hard because her mommy wants to go back to work. =(

 

[ColtonsMom]

umm.. we've went back and forth a few times because I've wanted to let him CIO and OH has not.
However, we have both decided we want our bed back and so therefore started to make the plunge into CIO, which is extremely hard!!
The first two nights he cried for 20min and I got him out and cuddled him. The third night he fell asleep after 30min of crying, and then the next time after only 15min of crying. However, after that his crib broke
So, now he is back into our bed until his new crib arrives (1-2 weeks) and then I guess we will have to start completely all over again.
But I want him in his own bed before 12mo. That way OH and I can sleep better, when he is older and gets tired he wont have to rely on one of us to be there to comfort him to sleep, and he will have that indepenance.

 

[tinytoes]

I didnt want to let my LO CIO. BUt I did want him to learn to go off to sleep on his own. SO once he was old enough to definately be able to calm himself down (I waited until 6 months) I do a kind of compromise - I put him down when he's calm (I hold him, cuddle, kiss nad maybe sing to him first) and if he gets really anxious I will pick him up again after 5 minutes, until he's calm and then I put him down again. More often than not he's shouting to me to come adn get him but not really crying as such. Not in a sad cry way. He usually takes between 5 and 20 minutes to go off. I maybe pick him up once in that time. It varies. But I've hope it'll be getting better soon. I've no doubt he would have taken much longer or been more stressed if I'd done it when he was younger. PErsonally ti stressed me out too much when he was very little.
I KNOW he can do it now and is just being demanding most of the time. He's hoping to get his own way, but needs to learn little boys do have to go to bed.

I give him a comfort blanket too so waited until he was definately old enough to move it off his face himself if he gets too hot etc.

Also, I give him toys so he can play in bed and sees bed as nice place to be. I'll be happy if he plays before dozing off.

 

[PeanutBean]

We have once let Byron cry using controlled crying. He had been awake screaming the entire night and by 5am we could take it no more so we left him in the cot, which is in our room. and checked on him to settle him every 15 mins. He cried for a full hour and a half and only stopped because we gave up and got up for the day. It achieved nothing but to upset him. He then slept the whole day afterwards.

I've been reading about controlled crying and there are a couple of things to note. It was developed for use with older babies and definitely not under 6 months. I've been reading how there are various things that could be associated with it, for example when babies cry hard or for a while they get overheated and this is a risk factor associated with SIDS. Also the stress of it has been shown to release extra stress hormones and there is evidence that these hormones can have a lasting effect on the body e.g. oversensitisation to stressful events.

If Byron had fallen asleep I might have felt more sympathy for the technique but he didn't and I felt like I was trying to break his will which was pretty upsetting. I didn't cry or anything at the time but I have felt sorry we did it ever since.

 

[princess_bump]

tbh i don't think we're ever let maddi CIO, maybe for 5 or 10mins if i no she's ok and i'm getting her a bottle etc, but i normally go back and comfort her. however, i'll probably not the best one with these things as maddi has always been really good at getting her self to sleep/soothing her self. she loves her dummy and a blanket, and has a little musical toy that soothes her in the day time. if i was and when we were putting maddi to bed on her own at night, if she cried/fussed, we would go back in, not take her out of the basket, but stroke her hair and give her her dummy, and she does always go back to sleep, unless of course she's teething then she needs capol/bongela etc. not much help from me huh!?
x

 

[Vickie]

Never let Hannah cry it out. As she's gotten older she's learned to settle herself. We did move out of the bedroom though which seems to have helped her to learn to settle herself at night Most evenings she's so tired she goes straight off after her last bottle

 

[AC81]

I was reading up on it because OH wants to let Erin CIO to get her used to her cot and get her out of our bed, and everything I've read says to only do it once baby is at least 4-6 months (I also read something about being over 12lb too), because babies over 4months are physically capable of sleeping through ie they don't need nourishment at night. Under that age they do, although some babies already do sleep through much earlier than that. I'm not sure I want to go down that path - although we did try it a few nights back (before I knew about the 4month age limit) and she cried solidly with no let up for 45mins before I decided to get her.

I'm not sure I personally want to go down that route, but for those who have used it, it does seem to get results quite quickly from what I've read.

 

[JimmyChoo]

I used the 'pick up, put down' technique by Tracy Hogg (aka Baby Whisperer). Luca has always been a good baby to settle but did go through a phase at 11/12 weeks where he got a bit difficult. I saw the Baby Whisperer series on TV and thought it was worth a try. I was a bit skeptical in the beginning but it worked.

The idea, which is in contrast to the CIO method, is to respond immediately to their cry, not delay the response for x number of minutes. So effectively, you put LO down in their cot and yip, they will probably cry if awake. You then pick up straight away to soothe. Once soothed (typically 1-2 mins, possibly earlier) put LO back down. You WILL have to pick up again (I 'picked up, put down' 16 times one night). You're probably thinking, as I did, is that not a little confusing for the LO, being picked up then put down and back up again...so on? But, the next night I only had to pick him up 8 times. As the nights go on, you have to do it less and less. The idea is that LO begins to feel secure that you will always be there for them should they 'really' need it and ease themselves into noddyland stress-free.

 

[xXDonnaXx]

If Lexie starts crying when in her cot (& I'm downstairs,with her monitor on) I'll go straight up,put her dummy back in,and go back downstairs. She settles for 5 minutes,and do it again. So I am up & down the stairs like a yoyo (Gud exercise tho I guess),lol. But eventually she will settle completely.

 

[Chel]

You know what, this has been really helpful! So thank you to everyone!

Before having Jasper my training and adviced I'd been given through work was telling me to let him cry it out, but my mummy instinct were saying that while its easier for me, its not better for him. Because I worked in a nursery, I can actually ignore a crying baby (bad side of this, I can also sleep through a crying baby!!!) so I'm not I guess like a 'normal' emotional mum when I hear bub crying.

BUT, something was nagging at me saying that I'd made the wrong decision to let him CIO. Yesterday I tried it for a while and he just cried and cried and cried and he then had a miserable night and today he's been unhappy! I'm sure he'll forgive me, but it just made him overtired and emotional.

What I've been doing it cuddling him and rocking him until he'd nice and relaxed and then putting him to bed, still awake, and giving him 5-10 minutes to get himself to sleep. If he's still crying in 10 minutes at the most, I go in, pick him up and then I cuddle him completely to sleep... as if I was to go in and pat him, or go in, settle him and put him back down he'd get TOTALLY emotional, so once I've gone to him, I'm committed to putting him to sleep in my arms and then putting him back into his cot asleep.

I feel better now, because that kind of sounds like more or less what other mothers are doing.

I think even though it might mean more work in the end, I'll start letting him CIO when he's 6month+ when I'm confident I'm not going to damage his nervous system, overheat him (as when he's crying he does sweat profusely!!!) or mkehim an anxious child.

Thanks again!

 

[xJG30]

I tend to a bit of both.. we let him cry it out for 10 mins tops, after that he really works him self up so we'll get him up, cuddle him, calm him down, let him watch a bit of tv then try again