Long commute and mummy to pre schoolers.

[Louisa N]

I decided to change career when my youngest turned one and for the past year have been attending uni 2 days a week in London and working in a placement 1 day. I live 65 miles outside of London so my commute takes about 2 hours each way - drive to station, on the train around 50 mins and then tube. Luckily they agreed for me to start at 10 and finish at 4. So I leave home with the children about 7.30am and then rush back to pick them up from day care at 6pm. The trouble is my husband is working late shifts - he starts at around 12 noon and finishes midnight, he does this 10 evenings on and then has 4 off. He's been doing this now for 5 years and it's killing our relationship. Add the fact i'm now commuting and taking on most of the responsibility for childcare and it feels like its killing me.
I don't want to give up my course or job, a stay at home mum lifestyle wouldn't work for me. I've suggested moving slightly closer to London, maybe just a couple of stops down the train line as we couldn't afford to buy a family home in London but my husband has refused to leave the area we live in now. His dad is poorly, diagnosed earlier this year, and he doesn't want to increase distance between us and his mum & dad but how can we make this work as a family?
Is there any other commuting mums out there? or long shift workers? please let me know how you manage.

 

[seoj]

Seems like a tough situation to be in - for you both. I see both side- as obviously your OH wants to be close to his family. But is there ANY compromise that would work (or at least make it easier overall)??? Does he drive? If so- couldn't you move a bit closer, so that he could drive to see his parents- and you would still cut down on your commute. tbh- just reading your commute sounds exhausting!!

I know it's not at all the same- but for a year my hubby worked graveyard. So he left for work around bedtime (for me and my SD) and we wouldn't see each other till the next morning for a bit before I left for work. It was tough- but we kept going knowing it was temporary. As sometimes, the short run is hard, but well worth it for the future.... sorry that doesn't help you any now.

I would just sit and have a very open conversation with OH and see what he'd be willing to compromise on- you both might have to sacrifice a bit for the greater good- knowing this is not forever.

 

[Louisa N]

Thank you for replying seoj. My OH does drive but he's still refusing to move any closer. He has said he'll step up his efforts to find a different job with better hours though so that may be my only hope at the moment. At least I'll have help with the children at night if he moves to a day shift.