Long rant and advice please

[MikaylasMummy]

I need to get this off my chest and get some outside opininions cos i am damned sick of it!!
My sister (younger,she's only 22) and her bf,my fiancé and me were all close friends once upon a time.however over the last year sis and her bf have broken up and got back together numerous times,and in between when they were together they were always cranky together anyway.we stopped hanging out with them when a few times our plans almost got ruined due to a "break up",the most annoying was when we had booked and I had paid for a snow trip and the suddenly wernt coming a week before.they ended up coming but it caused a bit of a fight between me and her from the stress.since then iv avoided booking anything together with them.
Recently they had a huge breakup that we all thought was for good.it lasted months and in that time my sister was crazy,she would ring him a million times a night if he was out and accused him of being with someone else.called him horrible things and told him to kill himself and involved everyone else in their fights as well.he gave as good as he got though.they were both going silly.one night my oh was out at the club and happened to see her ex,they ended up going to sis' exes house for the rest of the night with a group of friends.my sister went crazy accusing this one girl of being there and had a go at my oh.a few weeks later oh was out again for one of his best friends birthdays when I got a message from my sis saying "is oh out what's his number?".so I sent it to her thinking all was ok and as soon as I pressed send i got a nasty message back on the lines of "effing dog is out with L and J " again( her ex and the girl he was apparently seeing).so I sent her a message saying no hes not hes with his good friends and don't u dare have a go at him.in the meantime I rang my oh and he was NOT with them.he had just arrived in a taxi with said friends whos bday it was.my sis then proceeded to ring my oh a hundred times that night scream at him and ended up sending a message calling him a c*#t and a maggot for apparently being with her ex and this girl.mind you oh didnt say a bad word back and just put up with it..which is unlike him.
Anyhow he told me to let it go but when sis messaged me that morning i simply said "I think you owe oh an apology" and she went off on a tirade how she did nothing wrong and no one was getting an apology..cue huge fight.

I eventually rang mum to talk to her about it and mum then spoke to Sis,however I then get a phone call back from mum saying how I have no idea what she's going through bla bla bla and almost attacking me for being upset for oh!i was very upset about it all but oh made me let it go so i did.although I felt like me and him had been treated unfairly and I didn't want to stand for it.

Fast forward to now,a month later, and sis and her bf are back together and all happy again,she's being spoilt with all her expensive presents again and her oh has practically moved into mums to spend time with her.so now oh is quite annoyed since he forgave her as she was having a hard time but he feels that now she's all happy and has everything her way she should at least acknowledge that how she treated him was wrong and I agree with him. Yet she won't she just continues to be a stubborn bitch.oh feels uncomfortable coming to mums for dinners and visits since he feels attacked and like my mum took her side as well and no one cared that he copped it all.i know how they would be if someone in his family did that to me and wouldn't apologise!and I know how sis would be if someone made her bf not want to come to our family home and be part of the family!
Sorry for the novel but here's my point,do I have a right to be upset and continue to expect and apology to make it right with oh?i have to distance myself with sis because every time she messages or rings he grumbles about her,and I think rightly so.everything has calmed down between us all but only because I compromised and let it go and allowed us to be treated like that.am I overreacting here?

 

[Mummy May]

I don't think you are, I would 100% be waiting on apology from her? She sounds like a brat xx

 

[TinySunshine]

If sis' bf confirmed that he wasn't with oh that night then surely sis would have to acknowledge that she was abusive towards him over nothing. If things were going wrong and bf was out, it's his actions that should be under fire instead of blaming the people he's with as an influence.

I was in your sis' shoes once, my ex was being a jerk and was constantly out drinking with his friends and i used to blame his friends equally for inviting him out in the first place, encouraging, etc but after months of hassel and fraught relationships with those friend's partners over their OHs being badmouthed, i came to the realisation that it' s just my ex who was treating me badly and should solely be held responsible for his own actions and no matter what peer pressure was out there he was doing things because he chose to and more so because he wanted to! There was no peer pressure, that was just the excuse/cover up.

I was so embarrassed after realizing what i was acting like.... i apologized profusely to those friends and their partners and cringe to think of myself to have ever acted that way. I feel like it wasn't me, to think back to when i was younger. Just, cringe!!

Your sis obviously is still in her bubble of love. Her bf has a responsibility over his actions to clear the confusion up.

I think your mum is to be forgiven without apology just because from her point of view she probably just had her youngest daughter randomly call her up crying her eyes out over the boy she's in love with and what can she do ?!

Just be glad you'vegot a keeper and distance yourselves until they grow up a bit. It is a shame.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply ladies.it took me all day to write it bit by bit cos I was so busy so not sure how much sense it made.lol.
Thanks mummymay, it's good to hear I'm not wrong. Yes she is and incredible brat.sometimes I wonder if there's actually something wrong with her.she just had a fight with mum the other day and left because mum asked how her new job was!you can't ask her anything she just gives u a snappy answer!thats why in a way I want her to own up for once and not just get away with treating people like that.
Tinysunshine, thankyou so much for sharing your experience.yes I agree no one else was to blame but her bf but really they weren't together so he could do what he wanted!!and besides not once EVER did oh organise to go out with her bf.both times oh was out with other mates and her bf was just there!so regardless if oh was out (which is his right!) her bf would have been out.
I know what you mean about being younger and irrational.me and oh we're together from a young age but broke up for two years and in that time I went through stages of ringing him,being angry etc, so I know what it's like, however I never blamed anyone and I certainly never treated anyone else badly over it.if I had like you I would be mortified.but she has no remorse.
I messaged her last night sort of on oh's request as we are both going to be at the snow this weekend and wanted to clear the air so we could do a bit of skiing together.
I started off asking her of her new job then just asked if she still had a problem with oh and if not could she please make the effort to let him know as he feels uncomfortable around my family and I would like us to all move on and be friends.
She still refused and I sent a few msg back and fort saying how would she like it if we did that to her bf and he wouldn't come round. It's like she can't rationalise and see what she did wrong.in the end oh just sad "just write and say ok, so do you have a problem with oh,she wrote back of course not and he's taken that as an apology.not good enough in my book but what matters is that he accepts it.
I know what you mean about my mum.but as oh pointed out if one of his siblings spoke to me that way his mum wouldn't care for the reason she would be off on them first and foremost.