Looking at girl clothes is making me depressed

[Skittleblue]

First and foremost, after 3+ years of struggling to conceive number one, DH and I are thrilled to finally have one on the way. And of course the most important thing is that this baby is healthy... But I'd be lying if I said that we hadn't hoped for a boy.

I have 4 nieces already, and no nephews yet, and there are no children on his side, so it's time for a boy. But my biggest reason for hoping for a boy, aside from the fact that I always saw myself with a boy, is that everyone else was wishing we would have a girl, and I knew that meant they would expect the girl stereotypes. My mom thought it would be neat, my sister was excited that we would have a girl almost exactly one year after her youngest girl, and then there's his mom... Who always wanted a girl, but got 2 boys instead. So now she's living vicariously through us. which means I'll never get her to go home. We just found out last week, and she's already gotten a garbage bag full of girl clothes, many of which are pink princess style, the very thing I want to avoid. As she pulled one thing after another out of the bag yesterday, beaming, I cringed at more than half of them. And I realized that maybe part of my problem (though not all) is that I hate girl clothes! I hate bows and ribbons and ruffles and pink and flowers. And more than that, I hate feeling like that's what I have to dress our child in because it's just unacceptable not to. I hate how she reacted to the news that we weren't going to turn this baby into the pink princess she's always longed for, and the judging looks from people when I say that I want to do other colors. Because "it's a girl. You have to dress her in pink. Why wouldn't you want to dress a girl in pink?!" and I hate that if I don't make our baby the pink princess, I'll forever be asked if she's a boy.

So his mom suggested yesterday that I start registering so that people an buy the type of clothes that I would like. I started trying to today, and that just made matters worse. I found mostly pink and ruffles and bows. I also found some things that I loved, but I would have to explain constantly that she's a girl because they're pretty gender neutral.

I feel like I'm being such a brat about this. I'm incredibly fortunate to finally be pregnant, and I know that... I just never expected to feel this way, and it makes me feel horribly guilty and like maybe I don't deserve this sweet baby if I'm going to be this way about it.

 

[BlueHadeda]

Oh no, there's absolutely NO reason that you HAVE to dress your little girl in pink princess ribbons and bows and dresses!!! Why, if you don't like it? My SIL was adamant that she's not a "pink" mommy, so when her 2nd baby was a little girl, she bought mostly orange, LOL. She loves her little girl in orange, white, etc. Her daughter is now 7 years old, and I don't think I've ever seen her in pink or purple, and very rarely in a dress!!

You know what I do with all those "cute" clothes that people give that I don't like? I say thank you very much, and use it for extras. There's always times when you run out of clothes because you're behind with the washing or baby puked on 3 outfits in a row. Then you're very happy for anything extra, even if it's not the type of clothes you would've bought yourself.

I still spend some money to buy some clothes myself, because I feel it's my right as the mommy to dress MY baby in MY taste, and enjoy her in them, doesn't matter how much clothing I receive as gifts. And there's no reason why you should put a bow in your baby's hair if you don't like it. I don't! And why would you buy pink if you prefer yellow or white?! What other people say, doesn't matter. So what if you need to tell strangers that it's a little girl. My daughter is a month old, and because we've been on team yellow, she mostly has white/yellow/beige clothing so far. And I've only rarely had to tell people she's a girl. I think because she's so petit, they can see it themselves.

So stop feeling guilty for not conforming, and for not letting your daughter be the daughter your MIL wanted. It's not your responsibility. My MIL also wanted a girl desperately, tried 3 times and got 3 boys. That doesn't mean I allow her to adopt my girl as her daughter. She's still only her granny. My daughter already has a mommy, and that's me. I'm not sure though what to do about your MIL that won't leave you alone after the birth, LOL. Maybe just tell your husband to be a buffer between you and MIL, and let him understand that you need special time alone with your baby, and that he has to help. Baby first and foremost needs to bond with YOU.

 

[Ecologirl]

Yeah don't feel guilty at all. It's just going to take time to get your head around it. If you can try and embrace this chance with a girl as next one might be a boy. I had friends who had TTC for years. They were just about to start IVF and fell pregnant naturally with their DS. Now they're pregga's again, naturally and less than two yrs later with a little girl. Don't think this is your only chance.

Like Blue Hadeda said though there's heaps of funky girls clothing out there that's not pink. Don't feel you have to buy into all that stereotype. Look at the way Brangelina dress their little girl Shiloh, she's cute as but a real little tomboy. You're little one can be as individual as ever.

I hope you start feeling better about it, but seriously don't worry if you think you're being a brat for now. Hormones, dreams youve had for years etc, they're all major factors. Give yourself some time and hopefully people will cut you some slack too, xo

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

I can't relate because I long for what you despise haha. I have two boys already, and I'm ready for something else.

But honestly, I have so many friends with daughters.. And none of them dress their daughters in anything I would dress mine in if I had one. Most of them are dressed tomboy style 6 days out of 7. Which actually makes me even more upset that they have daughters, when I have 2 son's. Seems like a waste to me.. But that's because I'm desperate.

I really wouldn't worry about it too much. Once she comes you'll find your balance. But be warned, as she gets older she may rebel against your style of dressing her lol. Especially if she has so many young girly relatives. And I'm seriously talking like 2-3 yrs old.

I know my mom dressed me like a SUPER SUPER girly girl. Dresses out the arse. In the end I ended up being a tomboy. She eventually will have her own style and you won't even have to worry about it. She could go in so many directions.

And another thing, unless you plan to keep her hair boy short, if she has longer hair as she grows people will likely know she's a girl. But honestly, some people are stunned when it comes to figuring out baby's gender anyways. Both my boys were called girls at one point or another, decked out in blue and trucks didn't matter. Especially my older boy, he was very pretty lol.

Don't get too upset about it! She's your daughter and you can do what you like whether people agree or not.

 

[Buttercup84]

I'm not big into baby pink/white/pastels for DD but I never have a problem finding clothes I love for her, quite the opposite in fact! Also as far as people mistaking a baby girl for a boy, pretty much everyone I know who has had baby girls (including me!) has had this happen to them anyway, even the ones who are big into pink and frills! Once DD wants to choose her own clothes i'll let her (as long as she's warm enough etc) so i'm making the most of being able to choose her outfits now

 

[Skittleblue]

Thanks for the support. I do absolutely love and adore this baby, but I guess I'm still coming to terms with the idea, and it's a slow process, I guess. I did go shopping this past weekend with my mom, and we managed to find a whole bunch of girl clothes that I really do like. They're all different colors, which is one thing that I really liked, but the way they're made, it's obvious that they're girl clothes. I do feel a little better after that (although about $80 poorer!) And tbh, feeling her kicking and moving around so much this past couple of weeks has definitely made me feel more attached to her, which is also helping.

I do plan to let LO have some say in her clothes once she's old enough to have an opinion, and i know that there's a very real chance that at that point, she may be pink and frilly all the time, but until then, I don't plan to do much of that.

I have also had a little heart to heart with DH about his mom and let him now how uneasy I am about that whole situation. He's assured me that if there is a problem on that front, he will take care of it and I won't have to have that conversation with her. I'm not positive that will go the way he thinks it will, but for now I guess I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Thanks again.

 

[Ecologirl]

Glad to hear things are a bit more positive for you. It's hard when you feel like you can't enjoy the pregnancy fully. Have a wonderful next few months and good luck with your little pink bundle at the end , xo

 

[NatoPMT]

I think you're right to consider alternatives

https://www.livescience.com/11625-destructive-culture-pretty-pink-princesses.html

I felt the same about girlie stuff, and tried to buy as many neutral clothes as possible but I have to admit, some girlie pieces have crept in, but keeping it to a minimum. I got her a robot snowsuit and ended up just saying 'thank you' because that many strangers commented on what a handsome little boy she is, it was too much like hard work to correct them

I think its ok to allow some of your relatives to indulge what they want some of the time...dont forget your daughter is YOUR daughter and its you who influences her most, if you read and get her dinosaur egg excavation toys, thats what her most influential role model will be. You absolutely have a right to dress her how you want, the alternative to keep the peace might be to put the gifted clothes on her, take a pic, send it to the relative then give the clothes to charity. Shame your baby wont be benefitting from the gifts...so you could also ask for money sometimes to put in her account (as she has so many clothes she will just grow out of anyway...)

As you say, she's a sweet baby - you will get to know her when she arrives. She's an individual, not a pink princess clone.