Looks like i wont graduate.. argument with OH

[rjsmam]

looks like i won't move to TTC after all... after a minor argument this morning, my husband started it up again tonight & told me i was the biggest mistake of his life. he is 2wks into stopping smoking so is v crouchy, but not sure i can forgive his comment.. nor does he show any remorse..... sorry i know this is off topic.. rather embarrassed to discuss it with friends as we only 5months married

 

[wishandwant]

I'm sure this was very hard to hear but he probably didn't mean it and his pride is preventing him from apologising! I'm sorry you've had to go through this xxx

 

[rjsmam]

thank you - i hope it is his pride, in the mean time i'm taking a wide berth of him...... i don't understand how men can be so cruel sometimes x

 

[Thistledown]

Aww... I'd be devastated too if my OH said something like that, regardless how much stress he was under.

Hope he comes to his senses, realizes how thoughtless that was, and begs for forgiveness soon.

 

[babyfromgod]

i got a similar comment from my OH last nigh, something along the lines of sometimes i think i chose the wrong girl, it hurt but we were fighting at the time so i know he didn't mean it. I'm sure your OH didn't mean it hun

 

[Sany]

awww, poor thing! im sorry hun. i would be in tears, im a big sensitive :/

men are stupid sometimes *almost always* and don't know what they are saying. before we lived together my OH had to drive 40 mins to see me and one night in an argument he told me i was a waste of gas :/ we've been together 2 years now.

he apologized short after, but all men are different

 

[lu-is]

sorry to hear about that! Hopefully it was one of those moments where did not think before he spoke. He should not have said that. I'm sure he really didn't mean it; maybe he does feel remorseful but doesn't know what to do - or the gravety of what he said hasn't sunken in.

 

[~Mummy~]

That was a very nasty thing to say. But I just wanted to tell you, as a person who has giving up smoking, it is one of the most stressful experiences you can go through.
Not trying to excuse him, but if you think that comment was out of character for him then I would definitely put it down to him quitting.

I quit for real when I found out I was pregnant, I found it so easy once I had the right motivation.
But me and OH had been trying to quit for nearly a year before that and each time we tried we always had the most horrible arguments. We actually broke up a couple of times. Most of these arguments weren't even rational!

 

[rjsmam]

Thank you ladies, you all so kind... i know how stressful giving up smoking is & that it’s tough for him (although i guess i will never fully understand not having been a smoker)

He’s just become so argumentative, even before giving up smoking, and if i stand up for myself he then shouts & accuses me of starting the argument! I don’t know where to go from here... spent the eve in spare room, travelled to work together but not said a single word.

 

[overthemoon]

That was pretty mean =( But maybe he didn't mean it. My OH was also a pretty big grouch when he quit smoking. We fought a lot at the time, and we're not the type of couple to argue very much as he hates arguing.

 

[odd_socks]

i think the girls above are right, pride will stop him saying sorry, men say some stupid things in the heat of the moment, maybe tell him how much it hurt u him saying that...... x

 

[geogem]

My hubby has said similar things in the past during big arguements, the problem is us women think too much, he has probably forgotten he even said it and didnt realise it cut so deep. My guess is he didnt mean it but men say childish things when they know they are losing an argument to try and "get even" because lets face it men never grow up. I found the more I protested about the things he said the more he would do them in the next argument as he knew that it got to me. So I have found that ignoring these comments worked a treat as he has "got over hiself" and doesnt do it anymore. I think they just like to get one over on us hun. like I said they can be sooooo childish!

I wouldnt worry too much. x

 

[baby_cak3z]

Im pretty sure he didnt mean it, he'll show you he's sorry before he tells you thats just how guys are. He just needs a little time and a little space. Cheer up we're all here for you

 

[fabz]

awww hun, that sounds just like my bf when he quit last year....
seems like most men are similar in what they say during arguements...tho im a big softy and hate arguing so i always end up in tears!! tho when i aruge back (like he tells me too!!) im in the wrong for biting back at him.

i could never say anything hurtful to him, wheter its in an arguement or not, but i dont understand how they can do it to us

hopefully everything will sort itself out for you soon

xoxo

 

[i want it all]

Did you manage to sort things out?

 

[cleckner04]

I think we've all said something we didn't mean in the heat of anger. I know it's hard because the negative comments are the ones that will stick in your mind. I hope you guys made up and are okay now.

 

[acyana]

I'm sure he didn't mean it. I've had that said and much more several times in arguments with my hubby... It's always said by him in the heat of the moment.. but he always apologizes within the next hour about what he says. We've been together (and WANT to be together) for the past 6 years, married for almost 5. He's a very stressed out guy.. he has no secure job, being in Pharmacy school right now. And I'm not the easiest to get along with (I'm a dreamer and live in my own fantasy world sometimes -- hearts/flowers etc).

I've asked him NUMEROUS times to THINK BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING! I told him things he says he can apologize for, but will never be 'unsaid'... Now I've gotten to the point when he's getting riled up, I let him be upset but keep injecting, 'be careful what you say.. don't say anything you don't mean..' It makes him think and stop...

I hope that helped you. I think you'll be just fine.

 

[rjsmam]

thanks ladies for all your support....... we met at lunch time yesterday & it degenerated into another full scale argument!!! later though we managed to make up... he kinda apologised & we talked through all our issues as calmly as we could - lots of them ... and i told him exactly how comments like that make me feel. told him am not willing to go through that again over something so trivial.. he's soooo intense sometimes!

I second what fabz said - why can they say such mean things but we cant!? men are from mars - too true!

xxxx