Loss of one twin... :(

[MnMommy]

I went in for my dating ultrasound yesterday. I was fairly sure I was 9 weeks, but we wanted to make sure. When I got there I found out there were two babies... almost the same size.

They confirmed how far along I am. They also tell me "Fetus A" looks good. She/he was doing a little dance for us- I loved it. She/he had a strong heartbeat of 170. Then the ultrasound tech went to "Fetus B" and couldn't find the heart beat. There was none to be found.

I only expected to find one baby. They said the second will basically be absorbed into the uterous most likely then come out with the placenta, etc., after the birth of its brother/sister. They said "Fetus A" should be just fine. In fact I guess this is pretty common. The doctor also said it is really rare to lose one twin and the other later on. Usually either you lose them both at the same time if both will be lost.

Has anyone been through this? I don't know how I am supposed to mourn the loss of my baby and still stay strong and healthy for my other baby. I just don't know how to do this.

I hope this is the right place for this post. I really need some support and don't know where else to go.

 

[mummy3]

I've had 2 early pregnancies of twins where they saw 2 sacs at early ultrasound but the second was empty and later absorbed back into the body so the sac disappeared, other baby carried on healthy. Not quite the same as you but I'm so sorry for your loss hun

 

[Dee_H]

This happened to my SIL. She was told the same thing about the twin absorbing. She gave birth to a gorgeous, healthy baby boy in April. Of course it is normal to mourn..it is a loss. But stay strong and take care of yourself for your living baby as well. So sorry for your loss

 

[Andypanda6570]

I lost my Ava at 22 weeks, I know nothing of twins, i am sorry. Just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss

 

[MnMommy]

This happened to my SIL. She was told the same thing about the twin absorbing. She gave birth to a gorgeous, healthy baby boy in April. Of course it is normal to mourn..it is a loss. But stay strong and take care of yourself for your living baby as well. So sorry for your loss

Thank you. It helps to hear that healthy babies can be born after this happens. I know part of my problem is I am so worried that something will also happen to this one.

 

[lambgal]

I had this same thing happen this pregnancy. I found out at 6 weeks it was twins. Both babies had good heartbeats went back 2 weeks later and twin b had passed. I am now 32 weeks with a healthy baby boy on the way. We were very sad over losing the twin, as my last pregnancy I lost one of my twin boys at 20 weeks and felt as I was getting a second chance to have my twins. feel free to mourn it does help, but if all looked good with baby A that is great and you should have no problems.

 

[Phantom710]

Also, just wanted to add-- I know several mommies who lost one twin (even very late in the pregnancy) and the other one was born healthy.

I'm also a twin-less twin, my mom miscarried my twin brother at 13 weeks.

I am Sure A will be wonderful and wish you a h&h 9 months.

 

[MnMommy]

Thank you for sharing everyone. It really does help. If my questions are too personal- I'm sorry. Please don't fell you have to answer them.

I have a lot of guilt issues (naturally, not just related to this). I'm finding that when I let myself be happy about the healthy baby, I feel guilty after for not feeling sad for the other baby. Or if I feel too sad about the lost baby, then I feel guilty that I should be thrilled (and I am) that I have one healthy baby. Lambgal- did you ever go through this?

Phantom 70- when did your parents tell you that were a twin-less twin? That is something else I have been thinking a lot about today and I am just curious how and when you found that out.

 

[lambgal]

MnMommy- Yes I did and I kinda still do feel that way. I constantly think what that baby would have grown up to be like, if it was a boy or a girl. But at the same time I feel blessed that my little boy Judah is doing great and is healthy.

 

[Phantom710]

Phantom710- when did your parents tell you that were a twin-less twin? That is something else I have been thinking a lot about today and I am just curious how and when you found that out.

I think it was little easier for my mom to tell me as I was a girl. I can't remember the exact age. I know I was younger when she mentioned it, but I don't think it really sank in until later. And I didn't ask many questions about it until I lost this surro baby (as far as details go)

I remember asking her why she only had two kids, and she said she always wanted four. Then she paused and said "Well, I guess I had my four"

Obviously I was confused. She told me she lost one before my older brother, and then she lost another one. I asked if that was before or after me and she explained about the twin,

I used to joke with her that she got off easy because two of me would've been crazy.

 

[mrssunshine78]

My situation isn't the same, I lost my little boy 12 hours after he was born, but we found out at the 20 week scan that he was seriously ill. The feelings you mention are completely normal, I struggle some days, my little girl is amazing, but every day I think about her twin brother. When I was pregnant I felt the same as you, if I felt excited about having a baby I immediately felt guilty because we knew our little boy probably wouldn't survive. It's a really hard situation to be in with so many conflicting emotions, but your surviving twin will help you through the really difficult days.

Big

 

[MnMommy]

Thank you all for sharing. It helps to know there are people who understand. I know a lot of women miscarry, but for whatever reason this feels different. Maybe its just because its me this time. I don't know. I just watned you to know that you have really helped me. Thank you.

And to those of you who have also felt this loss, I am so sorry.

 

[CupcakeBaby]

It's different for me as I've not had a twin pregnancy.

But I miscarried at 9 weeks and fell pregnant again with this baby only 3 weeks later.

At first it was very hard for me to feel completely happy about this pregnancy.

A mixture of anxiety at losing this one, and guilt for being pregnant again already and feeling like we'd not given the other baby enough time to say goodbye.

But it's gotten much much much easier.

She's lovely and healthy and wriggling lots. And I know she (and the other baby) wouldn't want me to be sad or guilty.

Take all the time you need sweetie, and everyone says it I know, but you will feel better over time. Xxx