Lost my baby girl at 19 weeks

[PallyD]

Hi,

I'm new to this website and found it by chance. I lost my little one yesterday at 19 weeks. I feel so broken and wish she was still in my belly kicking. I got to spend a couple of hours with her and she had a beautiful smile. I don't know anyone who has been through something similar and I don't know if I can move forward from this ever. I can't stop crying and feel so empty.

 

[feeble]

Oh honey I lost my baby girl at 23 weeks but she died at 18... I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you m dear but you will get through it one step at a time and slowly start to feel better xx

all the best xx

 

[daopdesign]

Hello chuck and I'm sorry to welcome you to this part of the forum but there are lots and lots of ladies that truly understand how you feel right now

I was exactly the same, it's grief and hurts like hell I know. I'm so sorry you lost your baby, words can't bring them back but I can assure you that it DOES get easier with time. So so sorry for your loss, we are all here for you xxxxxx

 

[jojo23]

im so sorry for your loss pet! its an overwhelming thing, i lost my little girl also at 22 weeks but she was a bit smaller so prob stopped growing at 18 or 19 weeks.
all i can say is it was the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life!! but with the help of the ladies here i made it through.

theres days where i could hardly breath i was so upset and overcome with grief, and days where i literally couldnt get out of bed. you need your time to grieve hun and no one can tell you how to do that but please dont bottle things up! we're all here for you!!

no matter how you are feeling we'll all understand!!! and if you need anything im always here xxxxxxxxxx

 

[OliveBay]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my little boy at 22 weeks. Everything had been fine until I stopped feeling movements for a couple of days, so I went for a scan to check and he had died. I went from being so happy to being devastated and heartbroken.

This is an awful thing to go through but we all know how you feel and we are here to support you through these difficult times.

 

[Bride2b]

I'm sorry for your devastating loss,you are not alone,all of us here have too experienced the pain & agony of losing a baby,we truly know what you are going through. If there is anything you need to know then please ask. As others have said it does get easier with time but you have many many many milestones to reach.

I lost my baby boy at 19 weeks just over 8 weeks ago. My waters broke all of a sudden after stomach pains-some of which were excruciating. There was no cause for the premature rupture of my membranes. It's been the most devastating experience of my life,some days are better than others but mostly my heart aches for my baby

Silly thing to say but I hope your ok,please come back to chat as this place has been my saviour xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss
I was the same as you when I lost my Ava, I sunk into the abyss
I lost Ava at 20 weeks , I gave birth to her and we buried her on
3/11/2011. You need to know that things will get better, I promise.
I know right now you can't see that I couldn't either, but I promise things will get easier for you. You will never get over it, but you will get through it.
As time goes on you will have your good days and bad ones.
Loosing a child is something that can never be explained, this pain is so deep and really never ends. I would not wish this pain on anyone, people who have never been through it just don't understand, they think you mourn for awhile and then move on , they have no idea you can't move on.
So try not to get upset if you get stupid advice , they just don't know this pain.
We are all here for you anytime you need us.
Sending SO much love XOXOXOXO

 

[dancareoi]

Hi,

I'm new to this website and found it by chance. I lost my little one yesterday at 19 weeks. I feel so broken and wish she was still in my belly kicking. I got to spend a couple of hours with her and she had a beautiful smile. I don't know anyone who has been through something similar and I don't know if I can move forward from this ever. I can't stop crying and feel so empty.

Hi, I too am new to this forum, I only joined a couple of weeks ago after a MMC at 17 weeks (14 weeks gestation) i also had MMC july 09 at 10 weeks(8 weeks gestation)

I found out on 9 jan that there was no heartbeat and gave birth to my LO on 12th Jan. This couple of weeks have been like hell. Constantly crying. To start it was disbelief that this could have happened - once you have your 12 week scan you assume all will be ok.
there are feelings of sadness, devastation,lonliness, emptiness, longing and even anger that this could have happened.
We had a funeral service on monday this week and laid the ashes to rest on tuesday (just me and OH)
I felt on Tuesday that a weight had been lifted, we had finally said goodbye to our LO, gone but never forgotten.
We are taking each day as it comes and are trying to look forward (we have to stay strong for the sake of our other 3 children)
Time is a great healer. Some days are better than others, today is a down day as I would have been 20 weeks today.
i have found by chatting to the lovely ladies on this forum it has helped a lot. Everybody here knows exactly what you are going through and exactly how you are feeling.
We are all here for you and for each other.
Although it will be difficult to understand this at the moment, but everything happens for a reason. At the moment I too am having difficulty understanding that. However I had MMC in July 09, in sept 09 i became pregnant again and had my little boy in May 10. If I hadn`t lost the one in May my lovely little boy would not be with us today, yes I would have another child, but this lovely little boy we know and love today would not exist.
My mom always used to say she felt our live were already mapped out for us and everything that happens is meant to happen.
Sometimes, like now, we can`t see that.
We are always here i you want to talk or need a shoulder to cry on.

 

[PallyD]

Thank you everyone for your lovely messages it really means a lot. I've not had a good day today. I couldn't drag myself out of bed. I cry in my sleep and just can't stop crying in the day. I can't stop blaming myself as she was well and kicking in my belly to the last few hours before I had to give birth. It was because my cervix had opened up slightly and I got an infection.

I want her back in my belly and I want to feel her kicks but its just empty in there. I named her Hope because right till the end I hoped and prayed a miracle would happen and all would be ok, but it wasn't. It probably sounds silly to call your girl Hope because of that I don't know. I have been saying odd things which might not make sense to others but I just do what my heart says.

We are going to put a red and pink rose bush in the garden and put her ashes in there. I wanted her close and I wanted her home where she belongs. My husband found a lovely pebble with the words Hope and a butterfly on it. He's been very supportive and both our immediate family have been great but I still feel empty and lonely.

 

[Bride2b]

Crying and not wanting to get out of bed, feeling out of control with grief, lonely, lost & confused are totally normal. This is so fresh for you & no body would expect you to feel any differently. You need to cry & release your emotions, its much better to do that as it does help you in the long run

Hope is a gorgeous name too. Its a lovely idea, its a lovely tribute as despite all, you had hope to keep her alive & in your heart you will know that you wanted her and that you never gave up hope.

Theres a new little angel in heaven, I hope my Bertie has found her and they are looking down on us mummys with pride knowing that we love them and always will xx

 

[Kelly9]

I lost my beautiful Hannah 2 weeks ago at 18 weeks. Here is the best place for support cause we all know what you're going through even if we feel it differently. Hope is a beautiful name.

 

[tummymummy]

I am so very sorry for your loss hun xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry for your loss hon. xxx

 

[MrsGnt]

So sorry for your loss.
I'm new too I lost my baby girl at 17 weeks, 8 months ago.
I promise it gets easier, but i don't think it'll ever go away. I think about her every day, she was perfect, my angel.
We arn't ready to try yet, well he isn't, plus my mother has warned me off pregnancy until after my sisters wedding this Summer. Which is what every grieving parent wants to hear right?
Major issue is my 17 yr old, jobless, school drop-out sister in law (who lives with us most if the time!) has announced she is pregnant. She is a very young 17 and can barely look after herself.
I just feel numb, I'm so jelous I hate feeling like this. I should have been next! Is it normal? Am I selfish for feeling so angry with her?
She probably feels terrified at the moment and could probably do with someone to talk to but I can't face it - I can't handle the baby talk and questions and when the scan pictures start rolling in I do NOT want to be here! Sorry I just had to admit how I feel to someone x x x

 

[feeble]

Sweetie big hugs

i dont see why you should have to wait until your sister is done getting married!!!! Thats so totally unfair

You should be able to have a baby when YOU are ready, i couldnt not try again quickly, i was so worried i wouldnt catch and so on... We got pregnant the following month after loosing our angel.

Have you spoken to your OH about how you feel? I would have to tell him that i will never be 'right' again until i am holding my baby and that even then i would be heartbroken about the baby i lost...

hugs xx

 

[MrsGnt]

My mother is old fashioned and she doesn't want an un-married bridesmaid trotting around sporting a bump. She's a pain but I forgive her because it's just her way. I guess Im just scared of letting her down, although that said she was happy for us the 1st time and really supportive when the bad stuff happened.

By OH I guess you mean my boyfriend - I'm really new to this and not quite there with the lingo sorry ha ha what's it stand for?

I have spoken to him about it, he knows how I feel but he is scared it will happen again. I have CI and next time I'd probably need a suture and it terrifies us both to be honest. Also he kind of feels like by getting me pregnant he's putting me at risk of this pain again. It's quite a sensitive subject and I KNOW it shouldn't be.

The sister in law thing has kind of made me feel like I've missed my window if that makes sense? Im only 24 so I don't mean anything like that but just it annoys me how it's been so easy for her - she's a daft kid it's just not fair.

Does anyone know much about CI? All I've read are horror stories and the drs are reluctant to further inform you unless you are trying.

 

[feeble]

what is CI hun?

OH = Other Half
x

 

[MrsGnt]

Ohhhh yeah duh!

Cervical incompetence, basically once the baby gets to a certain siZe my womb can't cope and I just dilate

 

[feeble]

My mama lost her first baby due to that, and went on to have three more healthy babies (and this was WAY back)

Sutures are good and they will keep an eye on you...

there is a thread about it in the Gestational Complications forum i think x

 

[MrsGnt]

Thanks I'll have a look

An update on the sil situation she announced yesterday that she's moving to her bf's parents so that she doesn't "rub our noses in it"
She's such a pleasant girl :-/