Lost my baby girl at 19 weeks

[Andypanda6570]

So sorry for your loss.
I'm new too I lost my baby girl at 17 weeks, 8 months ago.
I promise it gets easier, but i don't think it'll ever go away. I think about her every day, she was perfect, my angel.
We arn't ready to try yet, well he isn't, plus my mother has warned me off pregnancy until after my sisters wedding this Summer. Which is what every grieving parent wants to hear right?
Major issue is my 17 yr old, jobless, school drop-out sister in law (who lives with us most if the time!) has announced she is pregnant. She is a very young 17 and can barely look after herself.
I just feel numb, I'm so jelous I hate feeling like this. I should have been next! Is it normal? Am I selfish for feeling so angry with her?
She probably feels terrified at the moment and could probably do with someone to talk to but I can't face it - I can't handle the baby talk and questions and when the scan pictures start rolling in I do NOT want to be here! Sorry I just had to admit how I feel to someone x x x

I am so sorry for your loss. This part of the forum is amazing and will help you SO very much. These ladies have helped me more than anyone in my life has. When you have a loss the last thing you want to see or hear is about another baby, that is totally normal. This sadness just seems to come and go.
I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, I gave birth in my home and we buried her on 3/11/2011. So the dreaded year is coming up and I am getting more upset by the day.

I hope things get easier for us both and I hope your family (mine too) will be more understanding of this loss, it never goes away. It is just a new normal .
If you ever need to talk I am here and so is everyone else.
XOXO Andrea

 

[feeble]

Thanks I'll have a look

An update on the sil situation she announced yesterday that she's moving to her bf's parents so that she doesn't "rub our noses in it"
She's such a pleasant girl :-/

Perhaps being a mama will mature her a bit honey x I know it's very hard for you though x x x

 

[VaStClair]

I just lost my son 3 days ago at 19 weeks...my heart feels broken I cry myself to sleep at night. I don't. Know how to move on.

 

[dancareoi]

I just lost my son 3 days ago at 19 weeks...my heart feels broken I cry myself to sleep at night. I don't. Know how to move on.

I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my LO at 17 weeks, although I was only 13-14 weeks gestation, 8 weeks ago.

This is the most awful thing anyone should have to go through.

I spent the first few days constantly crying and shaking my head thinking it was a mistake, or someone was playing a cruel joke or i was in a nightmare i would wake up from, but the reality of it does start to set in.

There are some lovely ladies on here who have helped me through this and offers kind words of comfort and support, even though they too are broken hearted.

They told me things would get better with time and they were right, although at the moment, to you, that will not seem possible.

i am 8 weeks on now. Most days i do have a moment when I look back and start to cry, some days I cry more than others.

i posted a thread a couple of days ago headed "two steps forward, one step back" This sums up how things are going. you have a couple of better days, followed by a bad day, then a couple more better days and gradually it will get better.

Any time you need to talk or need a shoulder to cry on, there are plenty of us here to help you through.

Once again i am so sorry.

Heaven now has another Angel

I found the following poem, which was read at our baby`s funeral service and I keep a small version of it with me at all times. It makes me cry when i read it, but also gives hope that one day your angel will be in your arms.

An Angel Never Dies

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I’ve loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,
Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.

Although I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.

 

[VaStClair]

That was a beautiful poem...I know my heart will never heal competely but I feel like a failure because I coulnt even find the strength to hold him

 

[dancareoi]

That was a beautiful poem...I know my heart will never heal competely but I feel like a failure because I coulnt even find the strength to hold him

You shouldn`t feel like a failure because you couldn`t hold your baby, it is a very difficult thing to do.

My LO was only small and we were unable to tell whether it was a boy or a girl. My DH did hold our LO briefly, but was too upset to see it again.

I held it after it ws born (it was in a tiny little moses basket) later in the day, when I was on my own, I asked to see my baby again, i felt it was something i needed to do.

i spent ages holding it in my arms and told it how much it was loved by us all and we would never forget. I also kissed it`s tiny little head.

this was very difficult to do, but it is something i felt i had to do.

Because you chose not to does not make you a failure. We are all different and deal with things in different ways. In this situation there is no right or wrong thing to do,or no right or wrong feel.

 

[VaStClair]

The nurse took pictures of him so I can look at him if I so choose so at least I have that..my doctor also told me today that he had downs so now I am terrified to have another child..I have no idea where to go from here

 

[dancareoi]

The nurse took pictures of him so I can look at him if I so choose so at least I have that..my doctor also told me today that he had downs so now I am terrified to have another child..I have no idea where to go from here

It is good you have the pictures, at least you can look at your LO whenever you want.

I don`t realy know much about the DS, but te best thing to do would be speak to you doctor,they should have the answers to the questions you need to ask regarding future pregnancies.

 

[PallyD]

I just lost my son 3 days ago at 19 weeks...my heart feels broken I cry myself to sleep at night. I don't. Know how to move on.

Hi, I am really sorry to hear about your loss. Sorry I didn't reply earlier I've been away and today's the first day I logged in. I can understand how hurt you must be feeling right now and probably have lots of questions. I lost my baby girl at 19 weeks on the 25th January and everyone told me it would get easier. I didn't believe it as the pain will never go away but I'm getting there slowly. I used to cry every second and couldn't talk about Hope without falling apart, the ladies on here have been amazing and a rock. I couldn't have got through this without them as I felt only they could understand. I have had loads of support from family and friends but for me I felt nothing they said helped as they don't know what I'm feeling or going through. We had to wait 3 weeks before having Hope's funeral and then a week later to scatter her ashes, those were extremely difficult times but now I can say its got easier I have learnt to cope. I go to see my little one at the crematorium where we put her ashes with the other little babies and it gives me peace that she's now resting. I still cry and talk to her and have my good days and bad days but you can get through it and in time you will learn in your own way to cope with the pain. Don't suppress your feelings and please don't blame yourself. I went through a rollercoaster of hurt, anger and blaming myself. It helped me to organise my daughters funeral and do everything I possibly could for her and the service. I couldn't nurture her, or celebrate her birthdays, look forward to her wedding etc but I did what I could for her funeral. I also made a memory book with her photo, poems, birth record etc and that really helped me. Did the hospital do footprints and handprints for you? I put mine in a frame. If you ever need to talk you can always PM me but please don't feel alone. The ladies here are wonderful.

 

[dancareoi]

I just lost my son 3 days ago at 19 weeks...my heart feels broken I cry myself to sleep at night. I don't. Know how to move on.

Hi, I am really sorry to hear about your loss. Sorry I didn't reply earlier I've been away and today's the first day I logged in. I can understand how hurt you must be feeling right now and probably have lots of questions. I lost my baby girl at 19 weeks on the 25th January and everyone told me it would get easier. I didn't believe it as the pain will never go away but I'm getting there slowly. I used to cry every second and couldn't talk about Hope without falling apart, the ladies on here have been amazing and a rock. I couldn't have got through this without them as I felt only they could understand. I have had loads of support from family and friends but for me I felt nothing they said helped as they don't know what I'm feeling or going through. We had to wait 3 weeks before having Hope's funeral and then a week later to scatter her ashes, those were extremely difficult times but now I can say its got easier I have learnt to cope. I go to see my little one at the crematorium where we put her ashes with the other little babies and it gives me peace that she's now resting. I still cry and talk to her and have my good days and bad days but you can get through it and in time you will learn in your own way to cope with the pain. Don't suppress your feelings and please don't blame yourself. I went through a rollercoaster of hurt, anger and blaming myself. It helped me to organise my daughters funeral and do everything I possibly could for her and the service. I couldn't nurture her, or celebrate her birthdays, look forward to her wedding etc but I did what I could for her funeral. I also made a memory book with her photo, poems, birth record etc and that really helped me. Did the hospital do footprints and handprints for you? I put mine in a frame. If you ever need to talk you can always PM me but please don't feel alone. The ladies here are wonderful.

Hi Pally, glad to hear you are getting there slowly. it takes time doesn`t it?
At the moment i am having more good days than bad and that is after only 8 weeks.

I posted a thread the other day headed `two steps forward, one step back`
That is how i feel, it is a slow process, but eventually we will get there.
Lisa

 

[MrsGnt]

The nurse took pictures of him so I can look at him if I so choose so at least I have that..my doctor also told me today that he had downs so now I am terrified to have another child..I have no idea where to go from here

Honey I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl at 17 weeks on 26th June 2011. I too, never held her. To this day it had haunted me - I can't tell you how much better you have made me feel about it. I just wanted to remember her wriggling in my tummy.

I have since looked at the pictures the nurses gave me and I am now so glad that I have them. I won't say too much but if you want to know what to expect or any questions about what she looks like just ask. For me a lot of it was not knowing what to expect from this picture - my OH still has not looked.

I too did not know she was a girl until after the post mortem results which came through on 31st August.

I promise it gets better - but it's like one of the posts further up says, it becomes a new normal.