Lying about trying again

[Aayla]

I only just suffered a miscarriage. I am not even sure I passed anything (no heavy bleeding, no tissue, no clots), although the doc said my u/s showed no gestational sac and he assumed I have.
So we are not sure what is happening next but we have discussed whether to ttc again as soon as we can or take a break.
I have reasons to take a break but part of me doesn't want to. But a bigger part wants to tell people we are taking a break but to keep on ttc. We told people very early (I don't regret that) and I have been very open about my fertility process with everyone. Now I am thinking to just keep quiet, even to my family.
Has anyone else told people they stopped trying for awhile but actually kept trying?

 

[ReadynWaiting]

I've had 3 losses this year (2 mmc, 1 early, 2 d and c's) the last one resulting in a hemorrhage, emergency d and c and huge blood loss. My (concerned) family has made comments like "you're done ttc right?!", "this was the last", "maybe it's a sign that you should stop ttc".
I don't feel done yet and all of the comments are making me not want to discuss with anyone.
I think you need to do what works best for you! It's hard to even get excited after a loss only because the fear of loss sticks with you. Not wanting to share with people until you are confident your Rainbow is on his/her way is totally normal.

 

[fairycat]

Instead of lying, how about just saying 'We'll try again when we're ready." And if people ask more questions, just repeat it or ignore it. It's really nobody's business and I totally understand keeping it to yourself. This way you won't be lying, but you could be ready at any time. I don't think I'd want people to know either.

 

[Vicky_92]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Anyone that knew I was pregnant know we are trying again but very few knew.

Readynwaiting- I can't believe people would stay things like that. Big I was actually disgusted with your post, people can be so mean.

 

[ReadynWaiting]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Anyone that knew I was pregnant know we are trying again but very few knew.

Readynwaiting- I can't believe people would stay things like that. Big I was actually disgusted with your post, people can be so mean.

Vicky-I think my family is coming from a very concerned stance as I was bleeding out the last time and it was pretty scary. I refused a blood transfusion so was pretty sick for the week following and they were there to help with my kids and saw how it took a toll . That doesn't make their comments ok but it does make me want to keep them out of my ttc journey until I know things are ok.
It also makes me feel like I'm sneaking around.

 

[Aayla]

Thanks ladies!! For now it's just one day at a time but we have decided to keep mum about ttc the next time. My plan is to just not talk about it if I can help it. If I don't bring it up then I am hoping most won't either. Since I am still going through my miscarriage (I just started heavy bleeding and passing everything) no one is really talking about the next time too much. My mom told me today that my dad really wants us to keep trying as he really really wants to be a grandpa. lol He's afraid we are taking a year off but I've told them it's just a few months, restarting in the new year. my dream would be to get pregnant in November and tell them at Christmas but who knows if we will get as lucky to get pregnant so quick again.

Ready: that really sucks your family is saying all that. Since this is my first I'm getting the "at least you know you can get pregnant." I understand the sentiment but it's not helping.

 

[Vicky_92]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Anyone that knew I was pregnant know we are trying again but very few knew.

Readynwaiting- I can't believe people would stay things like that. Big I was actually disgusted with your post, people can be so mean.

Vicky-I think my family is coming from a very concerned stance as I was bleeding out the last time and it was pretty scary. I refused a blood transfusion so was pretty sick for the week following and they were there to help with my kids and saw how it took a toll . That doesn't make their comments ok but it does make me want to keep them out of my ttc journey until I know things are ok.
It also makes me feel like I'm sneaking around.

Sorry if I came across cheeky there 😔. It would just break my heart if someone said that to me. Big I hope you get your rainbow baby soon. Sorry again if I offended you.

 

[Vicky_92]

Thanks ladies!! For now it's just one day at a time but we have decided to keep mum about ttc the next time. My plan is to just not talk about it if I can help it. If I don't bring it up then I am hoping most won't either. Since I am still going through my miscarriage (I just started heavy bleeding and passing everything) no one is really talking about the next time too much. My mom told me today that my dad really wants us to keep trying as he really really wants to be a grandpa. lol He's afraid we are taking a year off but I've told them it's just a few months, restarting in the new year. my dream would be to get pregnant in November and tell them at Christmas but who knows if we will get as lucky to get pregnant so quick again.

Ready: that really sucks your family is saying all that. Since this is my first I'm getting the "at least you know you can get pregnant." I understand the sentiment but it's not helping.

I think you plan is brilliant. I really hope you get your rainbow baby soon xx

 

[ReadynWaiting]

Aayla-I agree with Vicki. I have found that keeping things between dh and I has brought us closer together.
Vicki-I didn't think you were being cheeky and I appreciate the sympathy. My family is wonderful and we are super close but sometimes that closeness allows for too much said and feelings get hurt.
Here's to hoping we all have our rainbow on the horizon.

 

[Justme43]

I only just suffered a miscarriage. I am not even sure I passed anything (no heavy bleeding, no tissue, no clots), although the doc said my u/s showed no gestational sac and he assumed I have.
So we are not sure what is happening next but we have discussed whether to ttc again as soon as we can or take a break.
I have reasons to take a break but part of me doesn't want to. But a bigger part wants to tell people we are taking a break but to keep on ttc. We told people very early (I don't regret that) and I have been very open about my fertility process with everyone. Now I am thinking to just keep quiet, even to my family.
Has anyone else told people they stopped trying for awhile but actually kept trying?

I understand completely! It's been nearly three weeks since my miscarriage (D&C) and I've been really focused on getting in shape and healing emotionally. We did not get past the first trimester and our family and close friends knew. It was really difficult (and still is) to tell people that we've lost the baby.

So this time, like you, I am not saying anything. We will be trying soon and when we do, we'll keep it to ourselves. If and when I am blessed with a pregnancy - I think I will wait until after I've past the first trimester.

 

[Tripledagger3]

Hi I'm very sorry for ur loss. Whether u want to keep trying right away or not, ur supposed to take at least a 2 cycle break afyer Miscarriage. Some docs even suggest 3 cycles. So either way I'm sure people will naturally assume ur gunna take somewhat of a break. The body and mind take a while to heal and process what's happened. After my MC my doc said absolutely don't try for 3 months.
I'm sure everyone in ur life just wants u to be happy and healthy.. no one is going to judge ur decisions over ur own fertility

 

[Aayla]

my doc hasn't given me restrictions. I have to take an hpt on Oct 2 (that would me day 28 of this "cycle") and if it is negative I have to go get a biopsy done for a different reason. I had hyperplasia with atypia. It was a thickening of my lining that caused abnormal cell clusters to grow (giving a 30% of uterine cancer). I haven't had to have a biopsy in over a year so now it is time, just to make sure. They said that this is the only thing I have to do before trying again.
We have decided to keep quiet about it. So far my family assumes I am going to continue trying but I try to steer the conversation away from it.

 

[Vicky_92]

My doctor said I could try again straight away too. As long as the bleeding had stopped from the m/c xx

 

[ReadynWaiting]

They used to say 3 cycles but there is no medical reasoning behind it. They may tell you to wait after your first cycle but that is for dating purposes. When you are mentally ready is when you should start.

 

[lilesMom]

I had another mcin March, ( hve had 2 mmc and one lovely boy)
I'm trying now but I'm gonna keep it to ourselves
I don't want scrutiny and pity this time
Its ur decision if u want yo keep it quiet or not
Don't feel bad about doing things the way u want or need to
Huge hugs xxx
I told everyone early last 3 preg
I don't feel like that this time
I don't like lieing but a few white lies might hve to be told along the way ;-)

 

[Aayla]

I am so anxious to start again. We aren't telling anyone until at least the first scan is done and everything is good.
I started testing on friday to see if my levels dropped even further. As soon as I have a negative test I can call the doc and get some other things done. They wanted me to wait until Oct 2 to test but that is day 28 of this "cycle" and by the time I got the appt and got the results back of an exam I need it could be too late and I don't want to miss the first cycle.
Weird thing is is that when I took a test 2 days ago (a frer) it came out really dark. I have a thread on it in the pregnancy test forum.
So I wait until the doc opens on monday and I am requesting ongoing blood work to make sure my levels go down.
I am healing faster emotionally than I am physically lol. Time is so slow.

 

[mummof1]

We aren't really telling anyone what we are doing .. Family assumes we are waiting a few months but we aren't really preventing so of it happens it happens. Then once I'm far enough along we will share the news!

It was so hard telling everyone about our losses because we told our family and close friends right away so now I just want to keep it between us and of course my best friend knows lol but that's it!

 

[Aayla]

We aren't really telling anyone what we are doing .. Family assumes we are waiting a few months but we aren't really preventing so of it happens it happens. Then once I'm far enough along we will share the news!

It was so hard telling everyone about our losses because we told our family and close friends right away so now I just want to keep it between us and of course my best friend knows lol but that's it!

I totally understand. I got a positive opk today. it's technically cd 16 and I got my positive on the same day last cycle. Only my sis and best friend know this. We are going to try. Not sure if we will catch the egg. We are not on a regular schedule. But I figure if we do it tonight and tomorrow then not much else to do. heck i'm not even sure if I am going to ovulate. I don't ovulate without femara so we shall see. I have an ongoing blood work to confirm progesterone so I don't even have to call the doc to request it.
If we catch the egg so soon we will be keeping it from every one for awhile. If I can keep my mouth shut Christmas would be a nice time to tell them. And if for some reason this one miscarries as well then I don't have to go through the condolences again.

 

[Justme43]

We aren't really telling anyone what we are doing .. Family assumes we are waiting a few months but we aren't really preventing so of it happens it happens. Then once I'm far enough along we will share the news!

It was so hard telling everyone about our losses because we told our family and close friends right away so now I just want to keep it between us and of course my best friend knows lol but that's it!

That is similar to our situation. We were so excited the first time and spilled the beans rather early and it was devastating to tell them what happened. So like you - we are keeping it ourselves for now and we'll see.

Baby dust to you

 

[Justme43]

I am so anxious to start again. We aren't telling anyone until at least the first scan is done and everything is good.
I started testing on friday to see if my levels dropped even further. As soon as I have a negative test I can call the doc and get some other things done. They wanted me to wait until Oct 2 to test but that is day 28 of this "cycle" and by the time I got the appt and got the results back of an exam I need it could be too late and I don't want to miss the first cycle.
Weird thing is is that when I took a test 2 days ago (a frer) it came out really dark. I have a thread on it in the pregnancy test forum.
So I wait until the doc opens on monday and I am requesting ongoing blood work to make sure my levels go down.
I am healing faster emotionally than I am physically lol. Time is so slow.

My fingers and toes are crossed for you. I know waiting it HARD!!!! So let's hope that your body is rearing up so that you can move things along.