Made a descision

[Las78]

Hope everyone is ok.

Not really looking for advice just needed to get a few things off my chest and you all are so supportive and I know a lot of you will understand how I feel, I just don't think my friends would understand.

Basically I've been feeling so in "limbo" since we lost our baby in February, I have really struggled to get motivated about anything and generally haven't felt myself.

I so wanted another baby but at the same time I really didn't know if I could go through the possibility of it happening again eventhough I know chances are it won't, what if always comes into it.

Oh and I talked about trying again but haven't really said more than that. I've been wondering if he really wants to try again and it seems he has had the same thoughts about me.

Well after much thinking on my part, I decided enought was enough, I had to get out of this somehow as I'm just getting more and more depressed so OH and I had a good talk yesterday and we've decided we are going to try properly until the end of the year, if it happens fantastic and if it doesn't we are going to accept it and move forward. We decided to give it a couple of months as I want to get back into shape first and get really healthy and hopefully in that time my AFs get back to normal.

I feel so much better having some direction in my life, knowing that yes we both want this and actually doing something about it.

I do just wish I could move past this empty feeling I constantly have, in some ways I think it may ease if I do get pregnant but how can you ever fill that gap in your heart from losing a baby. I need to somehow learn to deal with it, perhaps think of it as a special space for my angel rather than this gaping wound, how hard it is to do though. Does the emptiness ever ease?

Thanks for listening and to you all

 

[honey08]

when we mmc last yr with r first pregnancy after a dnc etc and the emotional roller coaster of waiting for af to come bk proper we were more determined than ever to get pregnant and move on hun, but it does take time, u will also think of the baby u lost,but u do have to have focus in ur life and look 4ward

 

[Jessa]

Hi there,

Glad that you're using the forum as a place to get things off your chest. I always feel better afterwards.

I totally understand how you're feeling right now. I'm in exactly the same place. I was feeling very lost and didn't really know the person that I had become....although I could envision the person (the old me) that I want to become. So, on that note, since I don't have any control over the baby-making situation (and I'm the type of person that has to have control), I decided to do things I DO have control over. I started working out with a personal trainer and am trying to lose the extra twenty pounds I've always had but could never get rid of. I decided I needed someone to talk to who might help me see things from a different perspective, so I've started seeing a counsellor.

I feel sooooo much better already, although I definitely want to keep trying. My periods aren't normal right now (doctor thinks I haven't been ovulating since my miscarriage), so we're working on getting those back in line. Give me another month or two and I'll be in tip-top shape, ready for baby-making.

The way I look at it is this: I can either be a pregnant woman/mother who isn't happy with who I am because I haven't processed my grief OR I can be a wonderful pregnant woman/mother who is comfortable in myself and being the best I can be because I took the extra couple months for ME.

Hopefully that makes sense, although, reading what you wrote, I'm sure it makes complete sense.

Let me know if you'd ever like to talk. PM me if you want. We can do this together.