Major birth anxiety - no birth partner

[MissMymmy]

I have tried to remain ignorant to labour for the past 29 weeks and as its been seven years since I had my little boy I've forgotten most of it; though I do know I was lucky enough not to feel any contractions till I was 4cm dilated and then induced and from there it is all a blur!
This time I don't have a birth partner due to a lack of family and friends plus my mumma has to stay home with my little boy. Bumps dad is just not an option for many reasons and the main thing I'm terrified about is being ignored while in labour.
I know that I want an epidural at the earliest possible point due to being on my own and with my son I held off till 7-8cm and it didn't end up working at all till they switched it for a spinal block due to prepping me for theatre and an assisted delivery (thankfully I avoided this, just!). What if they refuse me and I have no one to speak up for me?
I'm terrified of having painful contractions from 1cm this time like a lot of ladies do whereas last time I didn't even know I was in early labour till my waters broke.
I've looked into a doula but can't afford one and they don
t do trainee ones or a charity fund near me.
So any tips lovely ladies?

 

[jessicaftl]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it sounds very stressful! We don't have family or friends around here either and when my daughter was born my husband had to hold my son and be with my other one across the room and I had to push without him there to hold my hand. Luckily my midwife was there to help me while the nurses and OB helped delivery. I'm going to have my fourth baby this fall and I am terrified as well. I don't know how I'm going to do it without my husband being able to help me fully since I'll have my three kids there. I really hope you can get some help. I can't offer much advice but that it'll happen and be over before you know it!

 

[drudai]

I'd put together a birth plan, and let the on duty nurses/doctors know that you're firm on things unless your/baby life is in danger. Give one copy to them and have one on hand for yourself.

For example I wanted a natural delivery, so requested ahead of times that nurses NOT offer me epidural/pain meds, because I knew I might cave to the pain if they asked.

I also didn't want a c-section unless in danger or pictocin, if things weren't progressing to my drs preference. They wanted to pop my waters at 6 pm, just shortly after I was admitted. I told them no and it pissed my midwife off. She wanted me to go by her time schedule, even asking if I wanted induction at my 38 week exam! Was relieved when her shift changed and she was no longer on duty. I delivered naturally next morning, after waters popped and I felt like my body was ready.

Anyway, I felt like knowing what I wanted before going in, and having done research, I didn't need anyone. Hubs wasn't in room with me til my waters were popped, and sister mainly just slept on couch.

My baby book came with a removable birth plan page, but you can Google a template which is a good starting point.

 

[Brightxeyes]

I found with an induction the contractions came really quick and fast and it was horrible to keep up with and overwhelming.

I'm hoping if labour happens naturally and I don't need any type of induction, hopefully the contractions won't feel as exhausting. You may find the same with yourself?

Definitely get a plan written up and express your anxiety and you want to be encouraged to be as comfortable and calm as possible, and your birth plan may be tweaked by you during the labour as you may feel comfortable at the time to go a bit longer without an epidural. Can you speak to your midwife before hand to help put your mind at ease?

 

[dinidani]

Have you thought of hireing a baby ditter for your first child that way you mum could be at your birth we dicided to try for a home birth for convienence of children and lack of transport this time round we had a car with ds3 so when dropping the eldest two off i just made it to the hospital like 1 hour labour from first contracìtion to finish so if we didnt make it this time we would be stuck on a bus knowing my luck so where preparing a home birth where a friend is going to come look after the kids and partner can flip between tending to me plus the kids plus if your in uk you get two midwives so they give you more then 0ne to 0ne xx

 

[DobbyForever]

I agree with everything, but have you considered just having your son in the labor room? Maybe it’s a CA thing, but all my friends have their kids their in labor. A few even have them for delivery. One even had her young son catch the his new brother.

I hope you find a solution. Labor and birth should be a fond memory. Hugs