Major row with FOB tonight! *UPDATED*

[Ash_P]

MIL asked me down to hers today as people have been leaving presents at her house for baby and me as its nearing due date. Went down, had a chat and a giggle and looked at all the pressies. As Im about to leave FOB turns up, I went into the front room til he was outta site so I could leave without seeing or speaking to him. Next thing he came into the room and TOTALLY freaked at me.
Demanding that I give him the MAT B1 form as he wants time off, screaming at me at how dare I be in his mothers house, that he cant bring his girlfriend to her house cause im there visiting. That iv lied about the sex of the baby just to stir shit, that he will be coming to my house after 2/3 days of LO arriving to get the baby and taking it away to his dads house (which is clearly not happening) and that if i dont agree he will REMOVE the child from my house, that i have no say in the matter, its his child. (funny how its only his child when it suits him)
He totally went mad at me, that I have no right to tell him how the child needs to be looked after etc
I fought my corner and tried to get my point across and what was best for baby, its not about him and I anymore, its all about the LO but he doesnt care, said that he will NOT be coming near my house unless its to take the child off me, so i just said fine, supervised visits it is then.
How he isnt gonna pay, I said fine, CSA will take the money from ur bank.
How he is gonna be at the hospital when Im in labour and he will be first to see the child, Fine, but u`ll have no way of knowing im in labour, so tough shit.

Then in his temper, he went to storm out and shouted at me............. I DONT GIVE A FUCK, DO WHAT U WANT WITH THE "THING"!!!

He called my child a THING!!! Who the fuck does he think he is. It near broke my heart, I dunno how I kept my cool until I left the house. I really hope ur all rite that when baby comes along I will get this inner strength, cause I dont think I can take much more.

Sorry for long post, just had to get it all out x

 

[MummyCarly]

I'm not really sure what to say to that, what a complete a**hole. Did his mother defend you at all while he was Screaming at you?... What kind of FOB is he putting you through this stress so close to you giving birth anyway he doesn't deserve to be around you or the baby without supervision!

 

[lou_w34]

OMG! What a twat!
What did his mum do? I hope she stuck up for you!

If i was you, i would talk to his mum, and say that you refuse to be in the same room with him alone, that your mum, dad (whoever) will always be with you and baby when he is around as you just dont trust him. And if he cant follow that, or threatens you again, you will be going to the police and say he has threatened to take your child. Or say that you will not allow him to see the baby untill he can get rid of his foul temper.

Im so mad for you, I dont no how you didnt punch him!



xx

 

[sweetlullaby]

Ash....that is...flip im lost for words!!!
you've like 9 days left and you've had a couple of problems etc...what a complete (insert every bad mouthing word you can think of!)

I hate to say it but he isnt gonna leave you alone hun When your LO is born it will just continue with him but you will have the strength to cope with it. Taking into account of everything he has said etc I would speak to his mum and see if she would be willing to go to the police with you and report it as a witness to what was said etc. They could take out an order on him to stop him coming anywhere near you especially as he threatened to take your LO when she's born. Or if thats not something you want to do etc at least it will be on record and you will have it for any future battles with FOB like access and court etc and it will be a report on that disgusting temper of his and you could say you have serious concerns regarding your LO being with him with his temper etc and the threats he made previously. Also depending on which hospital you're going speak to the midwifes and tell them a bit about the situation and that there is a chance FOB could catch wind of you being in labour and that you dont want ANYONE being allowed in to see you once LO is born unless you say they can come in. Give them FOB name and if he says im such and such here to see such and such they will not let him in.

Its disgusting what some of these men do. xx

 

[Ash_P]

His mum didnt do anything, she went into the kitchen and closed the door. I foned her later last nite once i had calmed down, told her I wont be putting myself in that situation again, that if she wants to see me and LO she will have to come to my house.
Im going to the Ulster hospital in belfast, and iv already checked with them, they wont let anyone in that I dont want in, and wont give any information out over the fone unless I pre-approve names that I allow info to be given too.
His mum had spoke to me yesterday about would I fone FOB to let him know I was in labour or that the baby was born etc. But I told her last night that after that episode there is no way I could possibly contact him to tell him anything.
So he may hear it from someone else. I will not be contacting him again.

I will be requesting supervised visits once the LO is here, theres no way I can be near him after all that hassle last nite, and I certainly can not trust him with my baby on his own. Not with a temperment like that.

MIL said to me that He has passed the point of Hatred with me, and is not gonna rest til he "brings me down and makes me suffer" for what reason I dont bloody know, Iv done fuck all on him. But what else could he possibly throw at me that he hasnt already.
He will likely use the whole "unfit parent" card once baby is born, but he can bring it on, he will have to put me in a hole in the ground first before he gets my child to himself!

 

[Janidog]

Im wondering whether you could have a word with the police about your FOB threatening to take your child away from you as soon as your LO is born? If the police can give you some advise maybe then let your MIL know that you have spoken to the police and this is what they have informed you off. If she tells him then maybe he might back off

 

[lou_w34]

I really would go to the police, and like sweetlullaby said, it will be down on file at the very least.

And id even consider cutting all contact with his mum aswell... i know she has done nothing wrong... but to just go in the kitchen while her son was saying that to you... I dunno... i just cant believe she let him talk to you like that... especially since your so close to giving birth.

Hoep your feeling ok!



xx

 

[teal]

I really hope you're ok

I agree about speaking to the police so you have a record of it. I wouldn't want him to be alone with the baby either - especially after that. It wasn't fair his mum to just leave you both to it when he was speaking to you like that.

I don't see why he would have to bring you down - you've done nothing wrong! Sending you huge hugs xx

 

[tinkabells]

Stil cant believe he has done this to you, i would like everyone else has said go to the police and report him

Hope your feeling alright and txt me if ya want ok xxx

 

[starbucks101]

I agree with the others the police wont do anything about it now but they will make a note with a reference number, If i were you hun i would also give your local SS department a ring and voice your concerns, they can put locks on your stuff at the hospital so if he tries to turn up they'll instantly know not to let him near you and bubs...

Also I don't know who did it to me, (I have a bloody good idea though!) but some girl rang up and tried to change some of my antenatal appointments pretending to be me when i was preg with Em, But luckily i'd already spoken to police & SS so my file was passworded so no-1 could change anything or find out about me being admitted to hospital apart from my Mum without the password.

 

[sophxx]

you need to ring the police xplain the situationa and they should go and speak to him! they will also keep it on file so its there for court! all this will help you in court also put a restraining order on him if you have evidence of what hes doing then he cant come nr you and the baby! with the restraining order they get one warning then the next time stright to court! x

 

[Ash_P]

Hi girls, didnt wanna update incase he maybe was reading my posts or anything but now I can cause its all in action now. Had the police out with me yesterday they took at statement and have classed me as high risk of domestic violence. They also adviced me that any further contact from him, be it a text, (which i am not to reply to) fone call (which i am not to answer) or him turning up at my door (which im not to let him in) I have to contact them straight away and they will take matters into there own hands. They said that Im high risk because - although he hasnt actually hit me or been physically violent, he is causing destress to me and my unborn baby. So they take it very seriously that its not just me, there is a new born (or soon to be) baby involved and its potentially harmful to its health and welfare.
Solicitor was then able to get the incedent number from the police and we went to court this morning. The judge granted me a Non-Molestation order against him, which the police will serve to him personally this evening.
He is not allowed to contact me in any way, personally, or through someone else. Even when the child is born he is still not allowed anywhere near me.
Which also means that once baby is born, im not to contact him to inform him of the birth (as it means that I would be breaking the order as well) So he will have to hear from someone else that his baby is born. But he brought that on himself.

Because the non-molestation order is now in action, and he aint allowed anywhere near my home, me, or even my family, he will not be allowed to see the child. So the social workers and solicitors will take action once LO arrives and if he wants to see the baby (which now I HIGHLY doubt) it will have to be through a supervised contact centre where he will be monitored and watched at all times with the LO until they see such time where he is fit, and trustworthy enough to have the LO on his own, but it also depends on me and when I feel that the baby is of reasonable age to let him have it. So it wont be for some time, theres no way anyone esp him is getting my NEW BORN baby outta my sight.

Im sure it will all kick off once the baby comes and he realises that this is the only way forward now, but at least the police are only 5 minutes away from me where they will deal with him.

Thanks for all the advice girls, I just didnt wanna write anything down here publically until I knew that the order had been granted and the ball was rolling.
I must have some tough cookie in my belly, cause will all this stress that wee munchkin is still hanging in there for as long as it can

 

[starbucks101]

Glad you've got the ball rolling hun! Hope that he's keeps his distance from now on... Oh to be a fly on the way when they deliver that order lol! xxxx

 

[summerarmahni]

glad youve got the police involved so hopefully he will leave you alone and you can have a bit of stress free time before lil one arrives xx

 

[Althara]

I am so so so glad you got the NM order - I was going to suggest applying for one myself before I read your update! So happy the police and courts are taking your situation seriously, FOB sounds like a total jackass. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy sweetheart

 

[teal]

I'm glad that you've invovled the police. I hope you feel safer now. You're right that he's brought all this on himself.
xx

 

[littlekitten8]

So glad you got things sorted hun. He was totally out of order x

 

[lou_w34]

I sooooooooooo wish i could be there to see the order be given to him heehee

Im glad its all ok now

xxxx

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I'd love to see that too!

I'm so glad you are getting things handled. Good for you!

 

[lilyd]

Sorry for you that it turned out like this, but he only has himself to blame.

Hope you can relax a little bit now for your final few days of pregnancy xx