male 'lactivists'

[louandivy]

I have a mutual friend with this guy on FB who calls himself an 'anarchist, voluntaryist and attachment parent'...he seems like a pretentious twat and I get enraged when his conversations pop up on my newsfeed but anyway thats a different matter

But basically I just saw this photo he posted:

And all it made me think was 'oh fuck off, and don't tell me what to do with my body'. I am very pro-BF, I breastfed Ivy for 18 months and was very grateful to have a supportive boyfriend who was pro-BF too. But at the same time, the idea of a man telling women what they should or shouldn't do with their body sits very very uncomfortably with me. Personally, whether subconsciously or not on the man's part, I think there is something quite misogynistic about it. But I don't know if I am just being unfair because I hate this guy so much What do you guys think?

 

[holly2234]

Personally, i wouldnt want anybody telling me what to do with my body whether it be a man, woman, health professional or otherwise. I make the decision and thats the end of the matter. My DH never cared how i fed our DD as long as she was fed because in the end, that was all that mattered anyway.

I didnt find the picture offensive because there are all sorts of breastfeeding, circumcision etc pictures all over Facebook. When a friend posts something like that, i just hide the story because it irritates me when people try to shove their views down my throat. Live and let live is the way to go for me so i ignore them and dont waste my time being offended.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I don't think there are enough lactivists to start with, let alone male ones. Most men I know push FF because they don't get to feed baby otherwise. I don't find it offensive/upsetting/pretentious but that is JMO.

 

[Jaylynne]

I don't like the idea of a toddler being associated with the word bitch towards his mother. It's derogatory and disrespectful. I have no problems with 12+ months still breastfeeding and I have family that did/does it although I do feel uncomfortable when a child who can talk in sentences still does it but that's my problem.

I love that my husband was very supportive of me pumping and trying breastfeeding. He was a great source of encouragement. But he was also very supportive when I had to switch to formula when I couldn't pump enough anymore. I would find it very intrusive if a male stranger was harping on breastfeeding. My child, my decision.

 

[staralfur]

I feel like maybe he was just trying to express his support for breastfeeding but picked a terrible picture to do it? But I don't know him, I can see how that coming from someone intense would make me roll my eyes a bit (and I plan to BF past 1).

"Don't be a weaner" made me chuckle though.

 

[lindseymw]

I have 'one of those friends' on FB. He's DH friend's brother.

We were at a wedding do wherein he proceeding to inform me how breastfeeding past 6months is the best blah blah blah (his daughter was 2 months old), babywearing is the best blah blah blah. In the end, I lost it & told him I breastfed for 10months & own a Mei Tei now f*** off.

 

[Piper84]

I am pro-BF and was very grateful for my husband's support. He loved it cos LO obviously got a lot out of it and he didn't have to get up at night for six months I don't appreciate the opinion that I'm somehow depriving my child if I don't breastfeed them into toddlerhood though. All power to the mums who do that, but 6 months exclusive and an extra 3 months of weaning was enough for us.

I find people like this extremely creepy, more so if they're male for some reason. I don't need any other man advising, encouraging me or "supporting" me in my decision to BF.

Calling it misogyny is extreme and weakens the meaning of the word. This isn't hatred of women, more someone being extremely "right on" and involving himself in subjects which don't concern him.

 

[tina3747]

I suppose you don't need to be female to be passionate about breast feeding. The majorityof bf knowledge comes from the internet these days which Both sexes have access to.
Is he a parent himself.? I think it'd be a little weird to be concerned about others feeding methods before having or planning kids himself!
I think I'd feel bad for a guy who had this passion for his child to be breastfed but the mother refused, ultimately its down to the mother but its their child too and should be involved in all decisions.

 

[louandivy]

Hmmmm I don't know, it is less the actual message of the breastfeeding picture to me and more the idea that men feel that they have the authority to tell women what to do with their bodies, it just doesnt sit comfortably with me at all.

OH was very keen on me breastfeeding but would have also supported and accepted it 100% if I had decided that it wasn't for me. I would have felt very pissed off if he had felt that it was his place to make me feel guilty about it.

I suppose a lot of it stems from this guy just being a total asshole anyway (and yes he's a parent!) but a man aggressively telling women to breastfeed through to toddlerhood seems to be telling them to stay in the 'traditional' womens role.

 

[TennisGal]

Hmmm, tricky one.

I think it's quite good that there are more and more people from all walks of life accepting of extended BFing. I know it certainly makes me feel more comfortable when ally demands a feed in public. And I have a feeling she's going to be going longer than Lizzie's almost 18 months...

On the other hand, I wouldn't want anyone - male or female - being too forthright with their opinions, because feeding and extended feeding is a choice for the bfing woman. If her partner was quite forceful with his intentions, that wouldn't sit well with me...an respectful decision reached together would be ideal. And that's how DH and I work. He always supports self weaning, but also my happiness and comfort

That said, Lou, if he's a pretentious tool...I'd probably just be steaming angry!

 

[louandivy]

Yeah it's true that I don't like aggressive lactivitsts guilting mothers whether they are male or female! There is just something that particularly bothers me when a man thinks he has the authority on it...

I'm prob not making much sense though. Ivy is snotty and poorly today so the amount of pocoyo being played on my laptop is probably frying my brain

 

[pinklightbulb]

I don't think it's to do with him being a man at all. If we are trying to be a gender-equal society, I don't see why a man can't be just as passionate about BFing as a woman without being branded a misogynistic pig. Just my two cents though.

 

[fannyadams]

What on earth is a voluntaryist parent?

Doesn't sound very respectful of women full stop. What's the 'bitch' thing all about?

 

[tina3747]

Yeah it's true that I don't like aggressive lactivitsts guilting mothers whether they are male or female! There is just something that particularly bothers me when a man thinks he has the authority on it...

I'm prob not making much sense though. Ivy is snotty and poorly today so the amount of pocoyo being played on my laptop is probably frying my brain

I know what your saying but maybe it has more to do with your dislike of him rather than the actual photo.
Would your reaction be the same if a pro breast feeder /extended breast feeder ( maybe freckleonear the first that pops into my mind!) put it on her wall or even your partner, knowing you bf till 18 months... Just trying to make you think outside the box!
I don't like the thought of men saying what I can and cannot do but after seeing and hearing a lot of guys not facing up to responsibilities these days with fatherhood this sort of thing makes a refreshing change.... As long as that's his feelings on the matter and not posting just for the reaction!!
Going off on a tangent slightly, roles are being reversed quite often now. I know a few friends on Facebook where the dads are the main caregivers, the women earn a lot more than thier partners so in that respect the guys are going to be making a lot of the decisions now rather than the mothers.

 

[Dragonfly]

I have seen woman post that picture as well and plenty of face book pages. I dont think they have control over me so they dont bother me, male or female poster.

 

[freckleonear]

I don't think it's misogynistic at all. The woman may have the ultimate decision because it is her body, but the baby has rights too and the father absolutely has the right to advocate for his child. That by itself is not controlling and certainly nothing to do with hatred of women.

My husband is very pro-breastfeeding and he would be very upset if I decided not to breastfeed any future children. I'm sure he would try to convince me to do it and that's absolutely his right because they are his children too and he wants what is best for them.

It's great to see male lactivists, because often it is the men who object to breastfeeding and certainly extended breastfeeding. A man telling his partner he doesn't want her to breastfeed because it will ruin her boobs is much more misogynistic in my opinion, and I've heard that plenty of times on here!

 

[Piper84]

I agree it's preferable to anti-BFing men, but it's still creepy. Calling it misogyny is completely ridiculous though.

 

[louandivy]

I don't think it's misogynistic at all. The woman may have the ultimate decision because it is her body, but the baby has rights too and the father absolutely has the right to advocate for his child. That by itself is not controlling and certainly nothing to do with hatred of women.

My husband is very pro-breastfeeding and he would be very upset if I decided not to breastfeed any future children. I'm sure he would try to convince me to do it and that's absolutely his right because they are his children too and he wants what is best for them.

It's great to see male lactivists, because often it is the men who object to breastfeeding and certainly extended breastfeeding. A man telling his partner he doesn't want her to breastfeed because it will ruin her boobs is much more misogynistic in my opinion, and I've heard that plenty of times on here!

I suppose you're right, there is probably a lot more misogynistic men telling their partners not to breastfeeding which is sad! I think my view was skewed a little because this man does strike me as quite misogynistic anyway and it just seemed like another way for him to feel like he had the authority to tell women what to do.

 

[summer rain]

My OH is a male lactivist also and he feels very strongly about BF, he wouldn't tell anyone what to do but it does upset him when he sees his female family members opting for FF as a supposedly easier lifestyle choice, especially if they are bullied into it by their OHs, and it ends up being anything but 'easy' as the help promised to them with bottle feeding simply doesn't materialise and they are literally left holding the baby and because they aren't BF they are expected to run all the usual errands on top of that as well. I don't think there is anything wrong with being a lactivist male or female, although like any other thing where people have strong views, you're going to get some nice people who hold those strong views and some not so nice ones. You also get those like the guy on Facebook who use whatever 'cause' they believe in to be outright horrible and their usual nasty self under the guise of telling people the truth 'even though it hurts'. xx

 

[lhancock90]

I'd be unhappy with anybody telling me what to do with my body.
But for a man, who can not feel or understand BF? He'd have a slap.