Mastitis-feeling hopeless and depressed. Words of encouragement or advice appreciated

[Hwngurl808]

Hey everyone!

It's been a while since I last posted, but I am at an all time low with Mastitis. It started last Saturday, I started antibiotics on Monday, and I am still dealing with it.

I've done EVERYTHING one can do to help unclog the blockage. It started out in just one area of my breast... but then it expanded and the whole inner half of my right breast and below the nipple...ROCK SOLID up until last night. 3/4 of it seems to have softened up. When LO would feed (3mo) he would be fine for a little bit, but would then start to latch/unlatch because the flow would stop. My other breast is fine...but is pretty much burnt out from a combination of semi-neglect from trying to take care of the infected breast, and from feeding way more often than usual since the infected breast isn't enough for LO. Latch pain has been HORRIBLE from the engorgement...skin is stretched so taught that LO can't get on there the right way! I've done dry heat, wet heat..massage..cabbage leaves..peas...nipple soaks...you name it. IT JUST HURTS SO BAD!

ON TOP OF THAT

The lactation counselor confirmed that I had a milk bleb, and said it was a good idea to break it open...so I tried the wet heat and washcloth thing...didnt work. Tried a sterilized needle and tweezers and thought I had success....but still no milk would come out. And the next morning? I'm pretty sure my nipple got infected and the whole top part of my nipple got COVERED in...puss? callus? blood? Basically it went and blocked even more of my nipple pores. I DREAD the beginning of a feed for fear of LO accidentally biting it off. Tried pumping a few times...twice I got less than and ounce out from like, two pores...and the last time I tried to pump NOTHING came out.

So here I am. With most of my clogs un-cloged, but an almost completely blocked nipple. "keep nursing" they say. "nurse..not pump" they say....HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO "KEEP NURSING" IF ONLLY A LITTLE COMES OUT...OR NOTHING AT ALL?? And then what? If it takes forever for my nipple to heal...I have to wait for it to go back to normal. Lactation counselor said not to pick at it anymore. If I can't drain it..does that mean the Mastitis will turn into an abscess?! I HOPE NOT.

I feel HORRIBLE. I try to keep it together but sob at every feeding on the infected breast...and I feel like I can't give LO 100% of me. Thankfully hubby is home for the summer (teacher) but it's taking a toll on him, too. By the time I was ready for his bedtime feed...basically neither boob had any milk for LO...and we had to give him formula He gets fed and that's the main thing....but I hope my breasts done suffer tonight.

This is the second time I've had mastitis. I was so hesitant to breastfeed at first, but decided to do it. Lots of highs and lows...but when it's good...it's GREAT! This mastitis really makes me question if I want to continue once the infection goes away...to me, it isn't worth it to not be physically able to care for my LO to the best of my ability.

I just want things to get better. I went from having gestational diabetes...to delivering in 2.5 hours without time for an epidural (not our plan!), selling our old condo..moving into our new house right after I gave birth, selling a business and training the new owners...in laws flying in two days after LO was born and MIL and I having a HUGE blow out..so many things. I just want things to be "normal" whatever that means. I've been under a lot of stress. One can only hold composure for so long. Mastitis is the worst thing ever and would never wish it on ANYONE.

help

Thank you for reading! This was kind of all over the place but I needed to let it out!!!

 

[Kristalebear1]

Didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry to hear your in pain. I can't help much but I just wanted to say I hope you feel better. Praying for you!

 

[Button#]

I would go back to the dr if I were you. Hopefully they might be able to figure out why it's so severe. Mastitis is horrible.

 

[wishingonastar]

Sorry I have a lot of BFing experience but not with mastitis...I'd love to help

I hope my reply bumps it up and someone can post with good advice. Stick with it hun as one of my friends has suffered with it a couple of times and she came out other side and continued feeding so hopefully you can too
X

 

[Julesillini8]

Hm, sounds like things are quite problematic! With my first four years ago, I got mastitis when she was only a few weeks old. It started with a clogged duct, which I tried everything to solve. Warm compresses before pumping, nursing; massage in hot shower, cabbage leaves. Etc. I was put on antibiotics for the infection...I continued to nurse through this all and it was horribly horribly painful... So I can imagine you are having terrible pain too! In th end, after maybe one week of messing around with it myself, I became very ill from it, and my Ob dr refered me to a general surgeon. It was an infection that he thought needed an I and D ( incision and drainage) but luckily he was able to just asperate ( drain through a needle) I had to have it drained for three visits.. But then the problem was solved, and hallelujah what a difference it made! Now I don't know what exact treatment you would need ( I'm not saying this) but I would keep going back to the dr because you may need more intervention. It sounds unpleasant, but honestly it was more painful to nurse with it than it was to have drained with a needle!!! I was able to keep up with nursing, and went on to nurse for a year and was glad I pushed through in the end ( I thought about quitting so any times with this) so if you really desire to continue, it can be done! So I say, go back to your dr and don't stop until you get treated to feel better again!

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Sorry about all the trouble you've had, sounds terrible when it's all listed like that! I hope you have a list of good stuff to give yourself a little emotional boost.

I had mastitis about a week after my milk came in and it just wouldn't quit. I tried all those things as well but what eventually did it was dedicating several hours (maybe 6 altogether) continually alternating a hot compress and massaging- literally hours upon hours to clear the block and then I wasn't sure it had worked because my breast felt tender and bruised from all the massage.

My DH took care of me and the kids, he kept reheating my hot pack and only handed me the baby for feeds (from the good breast). When I woke up the next day everything was fine, I couldn't believe how much better I felt.

I hope you find some relief!

 

[Hwngurl808]

Sorry for the late response, but I wanted to say thank you to all of you and give you an update.

I had to see the general surgeon and she needed to drain two areas on my breast that were clogged. I felt better immediately, however the next day my breast went right back to looking and feeling engorged, sore and red. I really think something might be wrong with my nipple pores! My nipple is SO stretched out, and when I press down I can feel what I think are the milk ducts, all taught. I feel like there is some kind of build up or milk bleb invisible to the eye.

I learned my lesson from picking at my nipple...it got infected over night and had a growth over it that wouldnt come off for a few days!

I am doing everything the doctor says and still trying to pump but to no avail. I literally only get drops out..and it barely even covers the bottom of the pump's bottle. I'm scared that if I cant get things unclogged, it will never go away.

I hurt, and am so tired. My husband has been very supportive but deep down I feel like he thinks im exxagerating how bad it is

Thanks again you guys. I've emailed the general surgeon to give her an update hopefully I get a response soon to see if all of this is normal even after an extraction!

 

[Julesillini8]

Wow, sounds like me. I had to go back to have it drained a few times....2 or 3 times after the initial one. Hope the dr gets back to you and this can get resolved! Hang in there, it will work out. I know how frustrating it is and painful, and that you feel like you'll NEVER be normal again, but you will get there.

 

[Hwngurl808]

Wow, sounds like me. I had to go back to have it drained a few times....2 or 3 times after the initial one. Hope the dr gets back to you and this can get resolved! Hang in there, it will work out. I know how frustrating it is and painful, and that you feel like you'll NEVER be normal again, but you will get there.

It feels comforting knowing someone went through the exact same thing as I did and have the same worries and frustrations. I've been feeling so alone and hopeless like something was so wrong with me! They had me come in today and had to drain it again....they'll check it on Saturday and Monday to make sure it's ok/to see if it needs to be drained again.

I read your other post that you continued to BF after the mastitis! Good for you! I'm SO on the fence about it. This experience has been so horrendous that I don't know if I can risk it happening again. I've had mastitis once before this but it resolved on its own within a couple days. That makes me feel like I may be susceptible to getting it again. Did you ever get it again after that?

What sucks is that baby hasn't latched onto the infected side since two Fridays ago so I've been *trying* to pump but I've been so full of fluid that the doc said its been blocking other ducts and that's why I can only manage to get drops out. I'm wondering if after this passes, that he will latch on again!

You are SO right about feeling like it won't end! That is EXACTLY how I feel now! But your story really helps and makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

 

[Julesillini8]

I'm glad you are continuing to go back, as it seems this problem needs to be drained more than once. I remember it was such a pain going to these appt with a newborn, but otherwise it just builds back up and isn't solved. Do they still have you on
antibiotics as well. And you should keep pumping during this time, as moving the milk through and out is what's going to make this go away for once and for all. I know you said your baby won't latch, but I would keep trying every day as babies clear it out the best, but otherwise I would pump to try to clear this out.

 

[Julesillini8]

You asked about me going on with nursing. I nursed through my mastitis, although it was the most painful thing ever. I cried the whole nursing session on that boob every time. SO painful! They told me to keep nursing as that's what will eventually clear the clogged parts.. The suction! the draining with needle Was just like a jumpstart to decrease the problem, but nursing ( or I guess pumping the milk out in your case) is what eventually resolves it. It did take awhile. I'm not talking two days here. So I know how upsetting this is. And going to have it drained every other day is the right thing,so it sounds like they have you in the right track now. After my problem resolved... I did keep nursing. For a long time I had the fear of it happening again. Like everyday I was worried and super skeptical and examined my boob thoroughly wondering if I could tell if it would happen. But I'm just gonna be honest with you about it. Flat out: I kept on nursing because I didn't know how to stop. Not because I really wanted to. Again, I had this all happen when my first baby was 2 wks old, probably finally fully resolved when she was 4 weeks old. But since I had my milk supply full force, I didn't know how to stop! I was worried that with weaning my nursing down,I would get backed up and would get clogged again. So I initially continued nursing just because I feared what would happen if I didn't.
That said, I went on to nurse her until she was one yr old and switched to cows milk. I loved it. In the long run, it was so worth it for me, and I enjoyed the bonding and all those extra benefits. I did not have any other instances of mastitis. I figured out that I was a newbie and there was one instance where she wasn't latching correctly, and she pinched off the duct and then it got clogged and turned to disaster. So with my next two babies I just made sure to be vigilant paying attention to how baby latches and I never had this happen with either of my other two after that.
But I for sure DO understand not wanting to nurse any longer. I feel that! I didn't either! But if it's something you would like to do, it can be done and I am here for support or just to vent if not, I get it. I really think moms have to do what they feel they want to do. Don't put pressure on yourself to continue if you don't want to. But if you do, then just hold on tight for right now. Pump like the devil for this next week or two ( very often!) and it is quite possible that baby will go back on and latch again, it is never too late in my opinion.

 

[noon_child]

If you decide to keep nursing I'd really recommend seeing someone about whether LO is able to extract your milk correctly. Recurrent and/or severe mastitis can be a sign of tongue tie etc. An IBCLC would be your best bet. Try La Leche League for more info.

Also no two boobs are the same. If you only have a few milk ducts on that side then two blockages will have a huge impact on what you can get out.

Some people have so many issues with one side that they just keep LO to one breast. It can get a bit lopsided for a while but it still works as a feeding method.

 

[hiladun]

So so sorry you've been having such a hard time.

Great advise from PPs, so just a from me.

 

[Hwngurl808]

You asked about me going on with nursing. I nursed through my mastitis, although it was the most painful thing ever. I cried the whole nursing session on that boob every time. SO painful! They told me to keep nursing as that's what will eventually clear the clogged parts.. The suction! the draining with needle Was just like a jumpstart to decrease the problem, but nursing ( or I guess pumping the milk out in your case) is what eventually resolves it. It did take awhile. I'm not talking two days here. So I know how upsetting this is. And going to have it drained every other day is the right thing,so it sounds like they have you in the right track now. After my problem resolved... I did keep nursing. For a long time I had the fear of it happening again. Like everyday I was worried and super skeptical and examined my boob thoroughly wondering if I could tell if it would happen. But I'm just gonna be honest with you about it. Flat out: I kept on nursing because I didn't know how to stop. Not because I really wanted to. Again, I had this all happen when my first baby was 2 wks old, probably finally fully resolved when she was 4 weeks old. But since I had my milk supply full force, I didn't know how to stop! I was worried that with weaning my nursing down,I would get backed up and would get clogged again. So I initially continued nursing just because I feared what would happen if I didn't.
That said, I went on to nurse her until she was one yr old and switched to cows milk. I loved it. In the long run, it was so worth it for me, and I enjoyed the bonding and all those extra benefits. I did not have any other instances of mastitis. I figured out that I was a newbie and there was one instance where she wasn't latching correctly, and she pinched off the duct and then it got clogged and turned to disaster. So with my next two babies I just made sure to be vigilant paying attention to how baby latches and I never had this happen with either of my other two after that.
But I for sure DO understand not wanting to nurse any longer. I feel that! I didn't either! But if it's something you would like to do, it can be done and I am here for support or just to vent if not, I get it. I really think moms have to do what they feel they want to do. Don't put pressure on yourself to continue if you don't want to. But if you do, then just hold on tight for right now. Pump like the devil for this next week or two ( very often!) and it is quite possible that baby will go back on and latch again, it is never too late in my opinion.

SO sorry it's taken me this long to reply but it has been a WHIRLWIND since all of this started! I wanted to make sure I gave a proper reply. Seriously your replies have given me hope..and made me feel better that I'm not the only one! I told my husband about your replies and how I have a "mastitis buddy" from this message board lol. Thank you SO much for your replies!!!

That's great that you continued to nurse as long as you did after the mastitis! I wish I could say the same.

The clog was so bad that it started to leak IN my breast, and that was causing all the other ducts to not really let the milk out. I had the infected breast drained twice by needle, and it was still so bad that the doctor had to make an incision. For almost 2 weeks I was in the doctor's EVERY day. I'm still going to get the packing in the wound changed, but not as frequently. I am hoping that this coming monday is the last time!

Also, I have been on antibiotics 3 times. YES, 3. The first time I got an allergic reaction after I finished all of it, and broke out in a rash so I also had to start taking Zyrtec to help with it. After that, I had to go back onto a different antibiotic because the cultures from the milk came back with a strain of staph (which the doc said was a common, not-too-serious strain). I was getting better, but the doc still wanted me to continue, so she gave me another course of that same antibiotic...but half way through I started breaking out in a rash AGAIN...so I had to stop. So not only did I have to deal with going to the doc every day and have my wound painfully changed...I had to deal with an ugly rash!

The surgeon told me not to pump or anything on the infected breast since it was so bad...right now that breast is TINY and most likely not producing milk at all. I haven't even tried because it is not fully healed yet. The other breast has been producing milk, but not enough, so I had to start supplementing. I only feed twice a day on the "good" breast. It breaks my heart that I can't produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed anymore! I've been debating if I should keep feeding him with the good breast only even though I can only do it twice a day (even at that..I don't think he gets very much out of each feeding!)..or if I should just stop...but like you...I don't know how to stop! I'm scared to get engorged and risk the chance of getting mastitis again! BUT, the doc did say that my case of mastitis and how bad it got...is VERY rare.

I DO miss the bonding. I feel like mastitis threw a wrench in my routine. I used to nurse LO whenever and wherever..and I would nurse him to nap or to sleep at night...now using formula requires a completely different routine! It's frustrating because I feel like I'm starting back at square one with figuring out what works.

LO is happy and healthy and I know that's all that matters but it's hard not to beat myself up knowing the benefits of breastmilk. I am so torn! I wonder if it's even possible to get my milk supply up...or at this point is it pretty much a lost cause.

 

[Julesillini8]

Hi I was really wondering about you! So funny, I check here on my CP to see if you've made any updates lol! I didn't want to bug because as much as its a physical problem, it's emotionally a drain ( pun intended). Emotionally a rough ride just as much. So I just wanted to wait to see if you replied
1. First and foremost, do NOT beat yourself up about whatever is to come with his feeding. Health AND happiness are the Most important things, for both you and your baby. If he gets fed and is happy ( which he is) and you are feeding him whichever way and you are happy ( because your baby is doing just fine) that's all that matters. Yes I have nursed my babies, but I think it's horrible that formula feeding can have a stigma. It's feeding your baby! So they can thrive. So if that's what your baby gets, and all of this is behind you, then great! So you have to do ' thought stopping' whenever you feel sad about this all.
2. Yikes, so you had to go to I and D ( incision and drainage) yes that just completely sucks. I think I had written that originally that's what they thought I would need, but the surgeon thought to just try to aspirated with a needle at first before going ahead with the I and D. And luckily for me, it did work after a number of drains. But having the incision to rid all of the infected gunk out of there, that's tough girl. So boo for that, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get rid of this damn crap! Honestly!
I too had a reaction to my first round of antibiotics. I think I was in clindomyacin ( I have no idea of the actual spelling!) so after 7 days I needed a different one, and I took that for 14 days. Stupid meds. Really I don't think they do much in these types of cases but they are worth a try to aid in ridding the infection.
Sorry that things are kinda winding down, but you went through quite an experience.

So hold your head up high, remember that you have gotten some breast milk into that little baby boy ( any at all is good!) and you can know in your heart that you have given it your all.
It's up to you whether you want to continue on with the breast that behaved. No one can recommend to continue or just do all formula from here on out. You gotta figure what will keep you the calmest and happiest.

 

[Julesillini8]

If you did want to wean off of the milk producing breast, have they given you tips, and a plan? Stopping cold turkey is not the right way. I hope they gave you some info. If you want to know what I did, I will always share. There are probably some different ways, methods whatever..... But you NEED a plan

 

[Julesillini8]

Ok last post hehe. To this day, that breast produces less milk than my non infected side does. So this was the first month of nursing my first baby, and I nursed for a year then nursed my second for a year and now on my third, and to this damn day it's just never been the same. Perhaps those darn ducts just are caput for good... I still get milk, just not as much as the other side ( noticed when I pump....)

 

[Hwngurl808]

Hey thank you Jules for your words of encouragement! I didn't have a huge plan for stopping...but basically since my supply dropped on its own and I'm only down to two feeds a day that I would just cut one out, feed once a day...then maybe once every other day...etc then just stop. That's still really scary though. I

t's kind of confusing though because sometimes he will start fussing pretty quick when he is latched on...and i think maybe he drank it all...but then I try to hand express, and milk still comes out. So confusing...I just don't know how much is is in there! I should probably just pump to see lol.

I'm thinking maybe I should just keep it going with what I have if it's still there...only my breasts are SO lopsided now! I swear the infected breast went down like 2 cup sizes at least..and it looks smaller than before I was pregnant!

just..I just...i just don't know anymoreeeee lol.

wish me luck..tomorrow I go in to the doc so she can check my wound and see if it needs to be re-packed or not. I was there last thursday and it was looking better...so fingers crossed!!

 

[Julesillini8]

I really hope it's doing well and healing ok. So you can move forward!