I live in Manhattan, in the city. That's great you worked with as an au pair, I have absolutely no experience with kids, really encouraging for me to be a mom.
I am starting to feel very selfish and superficial with the thoughts running through my head. Today I weighed myself and i have gained 3 lb. all of my pants are snug and when I have them on i can't wait to take them off or atleast unbutton the top. I am not scared of the after having the baby part, I am scared of the pregnancy and giving birth factor. I hate to say this, but I am terrified of gained weight and not getting my body back. I asked my husband this AM when we were chatting on the phone if I looked just bloated or like i am getting chubby and he says " well to be honest, a little meaty" and this phrase just keeps flashing through my head over and over again. I am very petite and 5 lb on me is like 10 on someone else. This really sounds horrible, but I dont want to get fat, and I dont want to not be able to fit into my beautiful gowns and clothes ever again. I work in luxury goods in fashion so its all very important to me for work, but hearing my husband refer to me as 'meaty' makes me cry and makes ill. I am sure that this is a fear of everyone, but its really my biggest issue. He and I are always going to events and various functions and I don't want to go to any of them till I start to show.
I am just upset of the idea, and upset with myself for caring so much.
Please don't judge me.