• Xenforo Cloud will be upgrading us to version 2.3.5 on March 3rd at 12 AM GMT. This version has increased stability and fixes several bugs. We expect downtime for the duration of the update. The admin team will continue to work on existing issues, templates and upgrade all necessary available addons to minimize impact of this new version.

May I ask how you're all feeling? x

girlinyork

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
9,729
Reaction score
1
I am posting this for a friend who is trying to raise awareness for pregnancy loss through her college work. She's fighting to graduate while grieving for her loss and asked me to post this:

Girls,

Tomorrow is kick butt college day!! after my my pathetic blubbering last week I'm determined to get myself back on track to graduate this year. So I'm looking for words, words that describe how it feels everyday for you.

like one of my words would be :daydream: I can't concentrate on anything for more than a minute. yet somehow spend hours staring at walls.

if you could leave maybe a word, or a few to describe how you feel, the main struggles you have from day to day. that would be great
:hugs:

I think my words would be time (seems to be all I have now), empty (I feel physically empty) and isolated (so easy to feel alone in how you feel)

How about you? :hugs:
 
Ok, 'panic' 'empty' 'frustrated' (my sadness has gone for now!) I also stare at walls :shock:
Thanks for this, things get better with time but it's hard. Good luck to you x x
 
tell your friend she doesnt need to feel pathetic for crying,its good to cry,emotions are good :) and good on her for continuing college :thumbup:
doubt id have had that strength,i couldnt leave the house!

When i lost my little girl at 23 weeks some of the many things i felt:
when i was told the devastating news it was as if id left my body and was watching someone else being told this,it didnt feel real,like some horrible nightmare.Then anger kicked in "why me" "what have i done to deserve this" "theres women who abuse there bodies with drink and drugs when pregnant and there babies are fine,why does this have to happen to me when ive done everything right!"
Then its was emptyness,melencholy,guilt,wanting someone to blame.....so so many things and emotions words cant even describe.
i still feel these from time to time,but its gets easier, and i know my nan has her sitting on her lap,looking after her in heaven until i get there :) and im very blessed to be pregnant again and feel lucky to have my own little angel watching over me and her daddy and futer little brother or sister.xxx
 
Alone (even though many have gone through it, no one knows what its like for YOU to lose Your child)
Obsessed (Obsessed with why it happened and making sure it doesn't happen again)

Hopeful (Hopeful to see my children in heaven, hopeful to have another baby here on earth)
 
I felt alone, no-1 around me could understand. I felt like I wasn't performing the duties that a woman should... I felt empty, mad, jealous, sad, confused.... then I started feeling a little better, then I started feeling determined..then I started feeling deserving... and when I felt deserving, I went after everything that I wanted. Don't get me wrong, even now those first feelings come back from day to day, but I always try to tell myself, you have been through something, and you will overcome it. Never forget, but always be determined to succeed in anything you put your mind to. And when you start to stare at the walls, stare out a window instead, so you can see the possibilities in the giant place we share. You must take time to heal, we all should, but once the process has began, there be no stopping you from creating a good place in your life. Good things will happen... we just have to be mentally available to notice them...
 
Never forget, but always be determined to succeed in anything you put your mind to. And when you start to stare at the walls, stare out a window instead, so you can see the possibilities in the giant place we share. You must take time to heal, we all should, but once the process has began, there be no stopping you from creating a good place in your life. Good things will happen... we just have to be mentally available to notice them...

LOVELY! very inspirational xxx
 
I felt alone, no-1 around me could understand. I felt like I wasn't performing the duties that a woman should... I felt empty, mad, jealous, sad, confused.... then I started feeling a little better, then I started feeling determined..then I started feeling deserving... and when I felt deserving, I went after everything that I wanted. Don't get me wrong, even now those first feelings come back from day to day, but I always try to tell myself, you have been through something, and you will overcome it. Never forget, but always be determined to succeed in anything you put your mind to. And when you start to stare at the walls, stare out a window instead, so you can see the possibilities in the giant place we share. You must take time to heal, we all should, but once the process has began, there be no stopping you from creating a good place in your life. Good things will happen... we just have to be mentally available to notice them...

Beth, that's wonderful - I especially love the bit I've highlighted, I'll remember that next time I find myself staring at walls!

For me initially it was disbelief, then anger at myself for losing the baby and anger at everyone around me for trying to console me when I didn't want to be consoled, finally acceptance that we cannot change the things that have happened, only how we feel about them, and now that I'm pg again very very cautious hope xx

Wish you friend the best for her future xx
 
My instant reaction which stays with me to this day was of being a complete failiure. I felt like I was to blame for destroying my husband's hopes, my parent's dreams...and of course my own.
Then I went totally the opposite way, claimed I never wanted children, almost wanted out of marriage too, just wanted nothing to do with any of it. Luckily, with the help of an amazing husband we survived this phase!
I also even over a year later feel angry, hurt, bitter, and so so jealous of people who have children, even though I know it's wrong to feel so negative. If it was your first pregnancy you feel terrified that there's something wrong with your body, so that it might never work out.
Finally pregnant again and the main feeling is terror, every single day. I spent a long time depressed and worried that I'd never conceive again, and I thought when I did it would solve everything! What it really did was bring up a whole new load of worry! And I am still angry and sad that I can't be allowed to enjoy pregnancy and feel excited like other women do, because I am terrified to take it for granted then lose it again. even after an early scan where I saw a heartbeat, I relaxed for about a day before it all came flooding back. My baby died at 8 weeks last time (I found out at 11 weeks) so it must have also had a heartbeat at some time, so I don't feel like a heartbeat is any proof that things will work out.
The truth is that if I do have a baby, then a whole new load of worry will come so I guess we need to learn to control it rather than letting it rule us...but when you've had a loss it's very very difficult.
So to sum up, my feelings are: scared, failed, angry, sad, bitter, out of control, alone.
 
Fear, anger, sadness, pain, uncertanty, loneliness.

RM - after my second m/c I almost ended up divorced, statistics show that most marriages cannot survive this kind of loss. My fifth miscarriage in December was the same way, I was just so damn angry at everything and I lost it for awhile, I never go out but I started going out and drinking and just doing things totally out of character and the worst part was that I could see what I was doing but was so powerless to stop it. Luckily I snapped out of it.
 
Oh 3xscharmer your post brought a tear to my eye! I thought that my reaction was totally freakish and it sounds like you experienced exactly the same rebellious phase as I did! Somehow it feels better to know that someone else went through the same thing, makes me feel slightly normal!
It looks like you are pregnant again too, wishing you loads of luck xxx
 
Thanks RM - glad you got some reasurance from my post, I think alot of us go just a little crazy...I think it would be abnormal to not lose it just a little and yes, rebelous definatley describes what I went through. I am pregnant again and I need all the luck I can get! Good luck to you to on your journey (whatever it may be) and any future pregnancies!
 
It's strange, but real, that those of us who are pregnant, must be so terrified. That fact is what made me feel so guilty when I got my BFP. I was actually more scared than anything, and truthfully I couldn't even say I was happy, even though it was what I had been working toward 24-7 since my loss.

My loss made me feel alone, isolated, and stagnant.
My new pregnancy made me feel also isolated, unsure, and unreal.


*I am of course happy about it. My emotions have settled in a little more now that I've known for a few days now, but my initial reaction was a bit abnormal. But since I/we/ had a loss, it seems to be the norm to be unsure of the future
 
Dahlia I don't think your reaction is abnormal at all, I'm still not happy at 10 weeks because I just don't dare to let myself believe it's real this time. I think it's how we protect ourselves.

I get so angry at women who never have to have all this fear. Id love to be one of the naive ones who is convinced as soon as she gets a BFP that she's going to have a baby. Funny thing is that so often seems to work out...for other people!
 
Feeling fearful of getting PG again
Hopeful and anticipating summer till we TTC again
Sad due to the loss
Pensive cause I would need a new OBGYN.
 
From October 2011 to yesterday my word would have to be 'empty'

After getting my BFP today - 'hopeful'

I have been reading some of these posts and it is heartbreaking to hear how some women have been feeling. I am so blessed that I work alongside some wonderful therapists who taught me solution focused therapy. When you think of how difficult your loss was - focus on how you managed on a 'good day' ie a day when you didn't cry at the drop of a hat or shout at your husband or drink 3 bottles of wine.

When I felt consumed by my grief (quite often to begin with), I focused on one of the days I HAD managed to get up, deal with kids, go to work, deal with patients and even make love to my husband. I thought about how I had done that, gave myself a pat on the back and tried to get that day back. it might sound airy fairy (i thought so at first) but then my bad days got less and i felt much stronger and able to turn a bad day around.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,365
Messages
27,147,976
Members
255,802
Latest member
samaniego
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"