Mental Illness anyone?

[Arisa]

So I have been diagnosed FINALLY after eight long years of psychiatric appointments and psychologist visits and interrogations, with
Borderline Personality disorder

sometimes I may be over sensitive, take things to heart or explode at people
other times I am on cloud nine and feel invincible then I crash and feel suicidal
since being married I have been calm, collected and contented I am also getting regular therapy and have drastically changed my diet, due to pre conception in fact TTC has stopped me going off the deep end.

I would usually pop pills like candy but not anymore
I no longer see the point in it and I want to live and make friends and support my husband in any way I can. He comes first basically and my faith is important

Does anyone else here suffer with a personality disorder?
psychosis? depression? bipolar? anxiety disorder or social anxiety?
My hubby as extreme Social anxiety and my mother has fatigue and Anxiety disorder and managed three healthy pregnancies and I have been told people with mental illness should not pro create, I find it cruel and judgemental to be honest.

would you tell someone who is disabled not to have kids? NEVER in a million years. No disability should prevent someone having a baby if they will love them more than anything provided the baby is not for selfish reasons.

Anyway just wanting to connect with other sufferers out there of mental illness

god bless and happy TTCing OR mummy-ing

borderline-personality-link
personality disorders and clusters
depression
anxiety disorders and social anxiety

 

[cowboys angel]

Just wanted to say hi!

I am not being treated right now, but I was being treated for major depressive disorder for several years. A doctor wanted to label me with bipolar disorder but not enough things off his 'check list' added up.

I also have anxiety issues.

A vast amount of it is from my past, another huge part, is hereditary.

Just wanted to tell you you're not alone!

 

[Arisa]

thank you
yeah major depressive disorder is the pits, its the worst feeling ever
the foggy blank feeling of nothingness and darkness is very difficult to cope with and its easy to get depressed when you get the dreaded
anyway thank you

 

[cowboys angel]

It is hard to deal with yes, but it's amazing how much it helps to have an OH that understands that I'm not crazy, not broken...that knows my past and accepts it. And this little girl on my chest has also vastly helped.

I would have dropped anyone that said I shouldn't have a baby because of my 'mental illness'. This little girl, and my step daughter to, have helped me soooo much.

 

[electrokitty]

Hey, I also have bpd, and there's a big thread on the ttc page about mental health! I'll see if I can find the link sweetie! X

 

[Opheliac]

I also was diagnosed with BPD quite some time ago. To an extent mental illness should contribute to the decision of whether you should have children or not but it all depends on the individual person and their situation. If one is having little or no issue keeping up with the responsibilities of their own daily life while coping with their illness through treatment or not, then having a kid shouldn't be removed as an option. I just know some with severe cases of depression that can last days to months to even years, find themselves completely helpless and need to be taken care of. Those individuals if planning to bring a child into the world need to have lots of support and assistance available to help tend to the baby's needs.

 

[EllaAndLyla]

Hi hun!!
My family has a strong history of Borderline personality disorder, after 15 years my mum was finally diagnosed with it along with major depression and fatigue syndrome. I too am now showing signs of depression, paranoia and borderline personality disorder. My paranoia is intense, to the point where I feel like I cant be in my house alone. I am going to probably book a GP appointment very soon to get myself sorted and hopefully diagnosed. I am so scared to go though, I don't think I will beable too

 

[Arisa]

Opheliac I agree with your post, because of my illness its nice having mum and dad on board to help me from basically pre conception right through to motherhood and my husband is brilliant too it makes a difference having family and loved ones around to aide you. I know so many girls in their early twenties and late teens who have no one and are raising kids and babies on their own or with a distant partner when i say distant i mean emotionally distant like my SIL (sis in law) whose husband dislikes her to the point he is never at home and she has a fourth child on the way, personally i would be working on restoring my marriage or going to couples counselling rather than pushing my husband to give me a baby by making him Baby dance on ovulation every month as it just frustrates and angers him and often he said no so it took them one and half years to conceive and anyway with three gorgeous little girls i personally found her being greedy

anyway sorry to rant

Ellaandlyla your little lily rose is adorable

 

[dusty_sheep]

BPD, but they took away the diagnosis, then put it back.... I don't care anymore, same shit to me anyway.

Eating disorder. I used to weigh 90 lbs, and I would basically do everything to not gain/lose more. Then I weighed a little more before I got pregnant. Since then I am trying to eat healthy and have BMI of 21, and I feel fat and ugly a lot.

Depression (major). Not much to explain I guess. I feel sad a lot, but it used to be worse big times before I had the LO.

Anxiety Disorder. Always been there, but it's never been on the surface until I got pregnant. Before, I was so depressed I simply didn't care if anything could happen to me or anyone. Now I have a LO who needs me, so killing myself is not an option anymore. Therefore the fear of losing the LO, losing my DH, or that I get killed and the LO is all alone then.

Some other stuff here and there I got diagnosed with, but I honestly don't care because I have to solve my problems alone anyway, no matter how things are called. If that makes sense.

 

[cowboys angel]

It makes sense, and I totally understand.

 

[maddog37]

Can I ask you girls who went to therapy what kind of issues you discuss and how it gets resolved? i know this is a very personal question so please ignore or PM with whatever you're comfortable talking about.

After I was diagnosed with severe postpartum anxiety, the psychiatrist and the therapist both suggest that I've had anxiety long before pregnancy but didn't know it. The psychiatrist thinks I have the obsessive part of OCD as well. They both think this has to do with my childhood. The therapist feels that it's not resolved due to my laughing when I talk about it or changing the subject. We're at a bit of a standstill because I can't say I was physically abused and I refuse to take anti-depressants. She tried to get me to cry about the past and I just can't. she asked me what I think or feel about it, and I honestly don't know other than "it sucked that it happened". I feel like I failed at therapy, because she said we can't really do much more if I can't get past this point. I really want to resolve this anxiety I have, and what she says make sense, but I try to think about how I think or feel about the past and I honestly don't know.

Not judgment from anyone, but I'm constantly worried that I'd pass the anxiety genes onto my son. I'm worried enough that I don't know if I should have another child after this (fear of how pregnancy and postpartum will go and fear that I will give another child this anxiety).

 

[electrokitty]

Hey sweetie!

I've been having dbt/cbt and i used to see a cpn every week.
It's hard to talk about abuse, i've been there, and you just dont know how to talk about it.

You've not failed, honestly.
It took me so long to even accept that i needed help..

There is a group of us that all chat - just about nonsense and how we're feeling day to day, want me to link you?

I think the anxiety might always be a little bit of a problem, but it's a case of seeing which is more important honey!
X

 

[Arisa]

Can I ask you girls who went to therapy what kind of issues you discuss and how it gets resolved? i know this is a very personal question so please ignore or PM with whatever you're comfortable talking about.

After I was diagnosed with severe postpartum anxiety, the psychiatrist and the therapist both suggest that I've had anxiety long before pregnancy but didn't know it. The psychiatrist thinks I have the obsessive part of OCD as well. They both think this has to do with my childhood. The therapist feels that it's not resolved due to my laughing when I talk about it or changing the subject. We're at a bit of a standstill because I can't say I was physically abused and I refuse to take anti-depressants. She tried to get me to cry about the past and I just can't. she asked me what I think or feel about it, and I honestly don't know other than "it sucked that it happened". I feel like I failed at therapy, because she said we can't really do much more if I can't get past this point. I really want to resolve this anxiety I have, and what she says make sense, but I try to think about how I think or feel about the past and I honestly don't know.

Not judgment from anyone, but I'm constantly worried that I'd pass the anxiety genes onto my son. I'm worried enough that I don't know if I should have another child after this (fear of how pregnancy and postpartum will go and fear that I will give another child this anxiety).

you are not alone
Its good you have a therapist to talk to as well.
I get regular therapy from my psychologist once a week and a psychiatrist appointment once a month. I went through a bad patch last year when I was single and lonely and had to taper of some addictive anti anxiety medication (clonazepam) and it was a nightmare but I coped somehow and got through it but it was not easy.

Therapy really does help and often the psychologist will get you to record your thoughts and feelings and rate them on a scale of 1-100 in terms of how much time and effort has gone into worrying over them and for my BDP I am on the waiting list for DBT like electrokitty gets

Alot of my depression and suicidal tendencies stemmed from physical and verbal abuse at school, a very bad one where teachers remained oblivious and mental illness in children was not commonly discusses, in fact when i went for help after a suicide attempt I was told by the school doctor to stop making it up and knuckle down then the family doctor told me I was a liar and conning my parents into giving me time off school. It was a horrible time and continued and spilled over into high school until I had a breakdown at 15 years of age and had to leave and study at home until 17.

Abuse plays a major role in how we grow up, and I personally i doubt i would have a personality disorder without the bullying that happened and consumed my life on a daily basis for two years straight.

I also worry about my child well future child having anxiety and social phobia which will need to be controlled with therapy I imagine as I do not want them to go through what I did and nowadays there is more understanding in babies development and stages of mental health progression

Also this is for women who have been in labor and had children while coping with mental illness
was the labour and birth traumatic? not pain wise I mean mentally?

 

[cowboys angel]

I am very scared that I will pass my issues on to my children, especially as a portion of it I inherited from my mom. But I refuse to let these fears keep me from having the family of my dreams.



You are definitely not alone thought. This is an issue I deal with every day.

 

[electrokitty]

Here! https://www.babyandbump.com/ttc-groups/717691-bonkers-crew-mh-support.html

There are a few of us, and such, with similar problems.

I often worry that i'll pass stuff onto my children, as my mother and grandmother both had bi polar disorder, and i seem to be heading that way..

I think though, we wouldnt be the strong caring people without our experiences.

*hugs*

 

[cowboys angel]

Oh to answer the therapy question...

I never found a therapist that didn't piss me off and I could talk to. So I won't be much help with this topic.

Though my DH has helped me through a lot of my past and my issues and I have improved a lot since we started dating.

 

[maddog37]

The link would be great electrokitty!

Arisa - What you described sounds awful! I can't imagine having anxiety and depression at such a young age when you're still developing and can't understand what's happening, and not getting support because people think you're making it up.

Even now at 30+ y/o, my parents refuse to let me say I have postpartum depression/anxiety and that I should just stop worrying. The problem (and it's the same problem for the postpartum therapy too) is that I'm not actually worrying about anything when the panic attacks start up so I have no clue what to resolve.

My labour/delivery was supposedly as smooth as it can get. Mentally I felt traumatized, though I can't say why or how. I was on a huge amount of drugs and perhaps I wasn't prepared for how I would feel during and after the birth (they sat me up an hour later into the wheelchair and I was so lightheaded and lethargic that I felt like I might have died and just not know it).

ETA: just saw the link. Thanks electrokitty!

 

[electrokitty]

It's posted just above but here https://www.babyandbump.com/ttc-groups/717691-bonkers-crew-mh-support.html

Arisa, I had the same, I've been like this since age 11. >_<

Sometime OH are the best for just talking stuff out with, or you could take them with you to therapy?

 

[cowboys angel]

I just don't trust people easily, and I definitely don't trust therapists. My parents sent me to psychiatrists when I was 12, when I started cutting and stopped talking to anybody. They put me on high doses of prozac. Losers. Lol

 

[dusty_sheep]

Also this is for women who have been in labor and had children while coping with mental illness
was the labour and birth traumatic? not pain wise I mean mentally?

Well, while giving birth I thought, this would definitely become another traumatic experience. I know that many women who give birth to a second baby, think something like: "I should have know how giving birth is - why on earth did I do it again?"

But, birth is something special. This isn't going to help you now, but most women forget about the pain during birth. I remember feeling totally helpless, wanting to go home, then an epidural anestesia, then a c-section, and finally I just wanted to die (yes, in that order).

And yet, I don't remember the birth being horrible, or painful. And I might add, I get easily traumatized... like, people can just say something hurtful and it sticks with me for a very long time.

What stays left, is the moment when you hold the little baby in your arms for the first time. That's what I still have in mind when I think about my LO's birth. Not the pain.