Metal help, please!!!!

[413mama]

I feel like I'm going out of my mind. I'm 6 weeks with my much wanted 2. My ds is 4. I had a very traumatic birth with him, delivered at 28 weeks due to HELLP syndrome. He spent 11 weeks in the nicu, had 4 surgeries over 2 years, and was ultra colicky. Fast forward to today, and ds is smart, happy, and oh so loving. We are super close.

Since I've been pregnant I've felt awful and had rapid/sudden but transient depression. I keep contemplating an abortion which to me is so out of character. I've talked to my OB and she said oh, it's too soon for Prozac(which I wasn't seeking at all). I'm so utterly conflicted about what the hell happened. How did I go from wanting a baby, trying for 1 1/2 years to feeling like this is the biggest mistake. Any advice at all is so welcome. I feel so alone.

 

[Bonnie11]

Sorry I don't have any advice really other than to tell you I'm sure you're not alone. I'm sure it's just your hormones going a bit crazy. Do you have anyone you can talk to like family/partner etc? It always seems better when you talk to someone about how you're feeling x

 

[xdxxtx]

I always start out with regret, wondering why I wanted a baby, wondering why I'd do this to myself... It stops, soon. Then, I fall in love with my baby and can't even imagine feeling that way anymore. This, too, shall pass. Don't bother feeling guilty for your emotions. It's not uncommon to have regrets, especially when we have had scary pregnancies before.

 

[MindUtopia]

If you aren't getting anywhere with your doctor, try a new doctor. If you are feeling so distressed that you are considering a termination, which you would no doubt regret terribly once the depression has lifted, then you need more support than you're getting, whether that's meds, counselling, etc. to get you through this bit. Antenatal depression is a thing and lots of women experience it, but you don't have to go through all of this and there is support out there. I'm assuming you're not in the UK, but here our midwives can link you up with mental health support. I suspect you must have something similar where you are. I know when I lived in the U.S. most employers have a mental health referral service through their health insurance provider that you can contact directly and they'll put you in touch with someone.

 

[kewpie]

Hi 413mama, you need to talk to a professional and soon, to help you with this. It sounds like your OB is not the right person to be dealing with this so you need to find someone who is skilled in treating depression - is there a midwife or clinic you can call to ask for a recommendation? The sooner the better - don't wait to see if it will pass or if you can deal with it alone. Pregnancy can be a vulnerable time, especially if you had a traumatic birth in the past. I encourage you to find someone who is equipped to help you through this difficult time. Let us know your progress.

 

[Talia12]

I had antenatal depression with my son even though I loved and wanted him very much, I also considered termination and worse I even thought things like, when he's born I can swap him with another baby at the hospital so someone else has the responsibility of looking after this baby I care about so much, or even worse sometimes none of it was ever rational because at the same time I wanted him so much. I wish I'd asked for help because it ruined the first two trimesters of my pregnancy. It was so so much better later on, but not necessarily every woman might find it lifts in this way and I think you should talk to a different doctor about this if you can. Hugs to you

 

[krissie328]

I had those same thoughts at the start of this pregnancy too. We have been trying 2.5 years and it was a very wanted pregnancy. But I has thoughts of abortion. I'm almost 11 weeks now and we've seen the baby. I think that has helped a lot. I'm still struggling a little but I'm getting more excited as time goes.

I do agree with some of the others that seeking a different doctor might be in your best interest. If it's too soon for medication or you aren't interested, maybe some counseling?