Midwife is so negative and rude about by natural birth plan wishes!!

[Leo_Mumma]

I don't even know where to begin with this woman. She's so infuriating! We've just been going over my birth plan and she pretty much just ignored anything I said. Her words to my not wanting an epidural where "your being stupid if you think your not going to want it" I understand its not to everyone's taste but does she need to be so rude! She hasn't even given me chance yet. I might cope better than I even thought.

I also said I was really keen for a water birth and she said its not going to happen as she "has a feeling my weight will creep up, making me not flexible enough.. and my veins are crap" My bmi was 32.3, I've put on about 20lbs and I'm still walking my dogs through the forests for at least an hour a day plus everything I was doing before. I'm fit and active and my bp is fine. I had a trace of protein in my urine today but that's it.

Arghhh woman is driving me crazy!

I mentioned that i'd like my placenta capsulated and she just raised her eyebrows at my partner and wouldn't even write it in my notes!

Added all the other sly remarks she puts in, I just feel like she's ruining something that should be so beautiful. Its my baby, my birth and although I know I cant "plan" anything really, I just wanted it to be special to me. My partner is so sucked in by everything she says and takes it as fact which is pissing me off even more.

 

[Inoue]

Oh dear. She does sound like an old fashioned matron! . Sorry you had a bad time.

I wrote a plan out last pregnancy and it wasn't even viewed, im not going to bother this time. As for epidural; yeh you want to avoid it, I don't blame you, but I don't get her comments when your perfectly aware that if someone was to happen (emg section etc), you're not adverse to it

Birthing pool thing... no idea on that. Maybe BMI plays a role like she said? Maybe look into it. I creeped over bmi 25 (25.2) and they were on my case. Do some research or maybe other members can help

The placenta being formed Into tablets isnt something id consider at all, but if you want it then they should try and be as accommodating as possible. Is it done that often in the uk? Maybe ask another midwife if possible.

Just wipe today off as a bad day, see what labour day brings and go from there xx

 

[Cattia]

She sounds like a nightmare!! I think the birthing pool thing depends on whereabouts you are as different hospitals have different cut off points. Some places want you to have a BMI of under 30 at first appointment, others say under 35, but I think the main factor is whether you are classed as high risk because of your BMI. Either way, she really has no right to be so rude. A couple of friends of mine have hired birthing pools to use at home. One friend ended up with a home birth, another had to go to hospital for the birth but used the birthing pool at home during early labour and found it great, so maybe that's an option you could look into? Placenta capsulation is a private process anyway so I don't see as it has much to do with the midwife. If I were you, I would put in a request to change midwife. You are perfectly within your rights to do this and why should she ruin the last weeks of this special time for you?

 

[zorak]

What a rude lady!

My sis in law was refused a water birth due to her bmi as the staff had to be sure they could get her out of the pool in the event of an emergency. She never came across rudeness like you have though.

Maybe the NHS doesn;'t have facilities for placenta encapsulation? I think this may be something you'd need to arrange privately.

Re. the epidural thing; if your midwife is making unsuuportive comments about it now I'd switch midwives. I had a no pain meds birth plan and not once did anyone in the delivery room offer me anything until I begged for pethadine at 10 cm.

 

[Dolly84]

That midwife sound like a complete tool! My bmi at my booking in appointment was 36 and I asked if it would affect me having a water birth (I had one for my last pregnamcy) and she said the cut off is 39.5,and it goes off your booking in bmi regardless of how much weight you put on in pregnamcy. As for telling you you won't go natural in your birth and will have an epidural, that's rediculous, I have quite a low pain threshold and I managed with breathing excersizes at home, only got to hospital when I was 10cm and had the last hour in the pool, 2pushes and he was out! All I had was some gas and air for the few mins I was pushing, I never found it excruciating and I had a 2nd degree tear. It was totally manageable. It is totally upto you how you want your birth to go (except in emergency situations) the midwifes on the labour ward can advise certain things but you are under no obligation to go along with it. I told my husband my birth plan and knew he would have my back if they tried getting me to do something I didn't want to. I would Defo get referred to another midwife, they are there to support your decisions not shoot them down ️xxx good luck xxx

 

[saveme]

This sounds like my ob Dr. I actually switched to the midwife nurse within his office and she is a bit more open to my wanting a unmedicated vaginal delivery. But still is on my case about my weight! It's annoying as heck, my bp is great, no glucose or protein in my urine, no swelling and my Dr even said your having a perfect pregnancy but keeps trying to push me to do a section or an epidural. I'm so frustrated with how America does things. Anyway I so understand where your coming from and I hope you have the delivery you want.

 

[rwhite]

She doesn't sound very nice at all! Is there any chance you'd consider switching midwives? Pain of a bum time to, I know, but I would hate for her negativity to cause you not to have the birth you want

She sounds like she possibly won't be a very good advocate for you during labour, and is not encouraging at all of what you want. This isn't about her, it's about you, and your baby!

I get the feeling at times that my midwife has similar feelings (i.e. placenta encapsulation), but she has said whatever makes me happy and that I want to do she will back me on. For example, with the placenta encapsulation she told me as long as she didn't have to try one, she was all for it

I am truly quite concerned for you with her attitude being the way it is Your midwife should be cheering you on and supporting your labour and birth wishes, not tearing you down! Wishing you all the best!

 

[Perplexed]

Is it possible to switch midwives at this point?

 

[Eleanor ace]

Ugh how rude! I had a rubbish MW for the last few weeks of my 2nd pregnancy. Before that my MW was lovely. The new one was so dismissive of my wishes for birth which weren't anything extravagant- I'd rather avoid an epidural unless needed (in an emergency) to which she really patronisingly said I'd probably change my mind and that she thought I'd need one, despite having previously given birth without an epidural (induced, large back to back baby hen I had to lie on my back for monitoring- all factors which could have made me want an epidural). She crossed out my wishes to avoid forceps in favour of a c-section if the need arose, despite me having a very good reason to request this as agreed by my consultant and previous MW and just ignored me when I said I hoped to have a water birth if the pool was free. She was dismissive of my plans to breastfeed saying she thought I might have problems second time around (based on nothing, I'd BF'ed for a year before with no major problems once I'd got my supply up). Infuriating! I really enjoyed having her visit to discharge me once LO arrived and answering her questions about how well BF'ing was going and how much I'd enjoyed my epidural free water birth .
If you can I would ask to see another MW. If that isn't an option ten try and tune out as much of her negativity as you can and just remind yourself that you can do whatever you set your mind to!

 

[Leo_Mumma]

This was one of the things she said about me not being mobile enough. Anybody who knows me is shocked by this. I've just got back from a 2 hour hike with my dogs. I'm not saying I don't get but i'm fit and able to get out of a bloody pool. It drives me insane as she's sooo slim, its like she doesn't get that you don't have to be super slim to be fit and flexible.

 

[Leo_Mumma]

That midwife sound like a complete tool! My bmi at my booking in appointment was 36 and I asked if it would affect me having a water birth (I had one for my last pregnamcy) and she said the cut off is 39.5,and it goes off your booking in bmi regardless of how much weight you put on in pregnamcy. As for telling you you won't go natural in your birth and will have an epidural, that's rediculous, I have quite a low pain threshold and I managed with breathing excersizes at home, only got to hospital when I was 10cm and had the last hour in the pool, 2pushes and he was out! All I had was some gas and air for the few mins I was pushing, I never found it excruciating and I had a 2nd degree tear. It was totally manageable. It is totally upto you how you want your birth to go (except in emergency situations) the midwifes on the labour ward can advise certain things but you are under no obligation to go along with it. I told my husband my birth plan and knew he would have my back if they tried getting me to do something I didn't want to. I would Defo get referred to another midwife, they are there to support your decisions not shoot them down ️xxx good luck xxx

My bmi was 32.3 at the beginning and the cut off is 35 so I don't see why she wont refer me! Surely the cut of is for a reason. She even gave me a little display where she lifted her leg about 2 inches of the ground and said that she's worried about me not being flexible enough. I'm not being funny but I've been a horse rider for 20 years. I'm plenty flexible!

Your labour sounds amazing! I'd love to have a similar story to tell. Definitely going to stay at home for as long as possible. My OH has said he's got my back and i'll have my mum there too... she's no pushover lol

 

[Leo_Mumma]

This sounds like my ob Dr. I actually switched to the midwife nurse within his office and she is a bit more open to my wanting a unmedicated vaginal delivery. But still is on my case about my weight! It's annoying as heck, my bp is great, no glucose or protein in my urine, no swelling and my Dr even said your having a perfect pregnancy but keeps trying to push me to do a section or an epidural. I'm so frustrated with how America does things. Anyway I so understand where your coming from and I hope you have the delivery you want.

I hope you get the delivery you want too! Not long left for you!

 

[Leo_Mumma]

She doesn't sound very nice at all! Is there any chance you'd consider switching midwives? Pain of a bum time to, I know, but I would hate for her negativity to cause you not to have the birth you want

She sounds like she possibly won't be a very good advocate for you during labour, and is not encouraging at all of what you want. This isn't about her, it's about you, and your baby!

I get the feeling at times that my midwife has similar feelings (i.e. placenta encapsulation), but she has said whatever makes me happy and that I want to do she will back me on. For example, with the placenta encapsulation she told me as long as she didn't have to try one, she was all for it

I am truly quite concerned for you with her attitude being the way it is Your midwife should be cheering you on and supporting your labour and birth wishes, not tearing you down! Wishing you all the best!

I really want to change but it just seems so close to the end and I don't really know how to go about it. She said she might not be on shift when I go in to labour and i'm just hoping she isn't. Id rather have a stranger than her. She just stresses me out so much.

 

[Leo_Mumma]

Ugh how rude! I had a rubbish MW for the last few weeks of my 2nd pregnancy. Before that my MW was lovely. The new one was so dismissive of my wishes for birth which weren't anything extravagant- I'd rather avoid an epidural unless needed (in an emergency) to which she really patronisingly said I'd probably change my mind and that she thought I'd need one, despite having previously given birth without an epidural (induced, large back to back baby hen I had to lie on my back for monitoring- all factors which could have made me want an epidural). She crossed out my wishes to avoid forceps in favour of a c-section if the need arose, despite me having a very good reason to request this as agreed by my consultant and previous MW and just ignored me when I said I hoped to have a water birth if the pool was free. She was dismissive of my plans to breastfeed saying she thought I might have problems second time around (based on nothing, I'd BF'ed for a year before with no major problems once I'd got my supply up). Infuriating! I really enjoyed having her visit to discharge me once LO arrived and answering her questions about how well BF'ing was going and how much I'd enjoyed my epidural free water birth .
If you can I would ask to see another MW. If that isn't an option ten try and tune out as much of her negativity as you can and just remind yourself that you can do whatever you set your mind to!

Haha I bet that was brilliant! Good for you! Its like these midwives have no faith in women's bodies anymore. So quick to prod and poke these days.

 

[Dolly84]

That midwife sound like a complete tool! My bmi at my booking in appointment was 36 and I asked if it would affect me having a water birth (I had one for my last pregnamcy) and she said the cut off is 39.5,and it goes off your booking in bmi regardless of how much weight you put on in pregnamcy. As for telling you you won't go natural in your birth and will have an epidural, that's rediculous, I have quite a low pain threshold and I managed with breathing excersizes at home, only got to hospital when I was 10cm and had the last hour in the pool, 2pushes and he was out! All I had was some gas and air for the few mins I was pushing, I never found it excruciating and I had a 2nd degree tear. It was totally manageable. It is totally upto you how you want your birth to go (except in emergency situations) the midwifes on the labour ward can advise certain things but you are under no obligation to go along with it. I told my husband my birth plan and knew he would have my back if they tried getting me to do something I didn't want to. I would Defo get referred to another midwife, they are there to support your decisions not shoot them down ️xxx good luck xxx

My bmi was 32.3 at the beginning and the cut off is 35 so I don't see why she wont refer me! Surely the cut of is for a reason. She even gave me a little display where she lifted her leg about 2 inches of the ground and said that she's worried about me not being flexible enough. I'm not being funny but I've been a horse rider for 20 years. I'm plenty flexible!

Your labour sounds amazing! I'd love to have a similar story to tell. Definitely going to stay at home for as long as possible. My OH has said he's got my back and i'll have my mum there too... she's no pushover lol

Aw fingers crossed you get a similar birth, yeah staying at home as long as possible really helped me, IT got me to relax more and probably helped me dilate quicker, good that your oh and mum will be there for support 👍 I'm quite mouthy and I remember saying to the midwife while I was labouring, can you please stop talking and go and fill the birth pool! Lol, she was trying to tell me how dilated I was and that all I had to dilate was the rim of my cervix then the baby was gonna be here, but she seamed to be taking forever, lol, not my finest moment but it got her moving Teehee, can't wait to do it all again this time xxx

 

[noon_child]

I really want to change but it just seems so close to the end and I don't really know how to go about it. She said she might not be on shift when I go in to labour and i'm just hoping she isn't. Id rather have a stranger than her. She just stresses me out so much.

I'm confused - is this a hospital midwife? Is there a reason why you are being seen by one in hospital not in your community? Usually the person who has taken you through your pregnancy (community midwife) doesn't get to be involved with the birth if you are going to have LO in hospital.

If you would rather avoid epidural you can write it in to your birth plan and put it in your notes - word of warning though, they often don't read them so you'd be better spending the time explaining to your OH why you feel so strongly about how you want the birth to go so that HE is your advocate.

I think it is ridiculous saying you'll definitely want an epidural, as it isn't always an option in some births. Lots of people don't get one.

 

[Cattia]

I really want to change but it just seems so close to the end and I don't really know how to go about it. She said she might not be on shift when I go in to labour and i'm just hoping she isn't. Id rather have a stranger than her. She just stresses me out so much.

I'm confused - is this a hospital midwife? Is there a reason why you are being seen by one in hospital not in your community? Usually the person who has taken you through your pregnancy (community midwife) doesn't get to be involved with the birth if you are going to have LO in hospital.

If you would rather avoid epidural you can write it in to your birth plan and put it in your notes - word of warning though, they often don't read them so you'd be better spending the time explaining to your OH why you feel so strongly about how you want the birth to go so that HE is your advocate.

I think it is ridiculous saying you'll definitely want an epidural, as it isn't always an option in some births. Lots of people don't get one.

Our community midwives all do shifts at the birth centre, so you might get your regular one, but you might not. Some of them also work at the hospital so there is still a chance you'd get them but as the maternity hospital is so big, it's unlikely. For both my previous births I've had midwives I had never met before. They were both really good luckily!

 

[hanni]

Your midwife sounds like a right cow!

With regards to the bmi and birth pool issue, in the big book I got about my hospital with my notes it says it goes by what your bmi is at your 28 week appointment and the cut off point is 30. Could it be yours is similar?

 

[bucherwurm]

I thought midwives were all for natural birth? What kind of health care provider says you won't be able to cope and you will definitely want an epidural. That's ridiculous. I can understand concern in a birth pool, but everything she says and how she's acting is pretty unprofessional in my opinion.

 

[agonzalez218]

I think that regardless of whatever"valid" points she thinks she is making, it isn't about what she says as much as it is how she says it. Maybe if you talk to your partner about your concerns he will understand where you are coming from. Ignore today sweetie. And when the time comes to give birth, you'll know exactly what you want and need and no one can force you to take epidural or not. As for the water birth, look into it. If you're BMI isn't too high and that's something you would like to do, then go for it. She's just being very old school!

Best of luck to you!