Midwife thrilled I want a homebirth - mum not so sure?

[hastbury]

Hi everyone,

This is my first proper post in this forum - as the title reads I had my 34 wk app with midwife today, I was already a little nervous as the birth centre that had been mentioned as being ready open for my due date (being built next to the main hospital) when I had my initial booking appointment hadn't been mentioned again, and I was getting anxious!

The midwife confirmed my fears when she said that there was no way the birth centre would be open, I could transfer to another area with a centre if I liked no problem, but had I considered a homebirth? At that moment something clicked and I realised that this is what I had hoped for all along!

All at once I realised that my enthusiasm for a birthing centre that wasn't even open yet had been a compromise for what I really wanted, which is to have control over my surroundings, my birth wishes and to be as far away from a hospital bed as I can all going well! It turns out the midwife was a private midwife specialising in homebirths for many years before coming back to the NHS, and couldn't sing it's praises enough.

Reading posts on this forum, I can see that I am very lucky to have a midwife that comes from this standpoint.

My OH is out of phone contact until this evening as he's in meetings and I really wanted to share how elated I felt at this new prospect, so I thought I'd call my mum - a very open minded person who so far has been so supportive of me not wanting to have intervention, using natural methods wherever possible, etc (which she also practices in her own life controlling her conditions with diet and other natural healers).

This, it seems, was one step too far.

When I told her, all she could say was 'oh.' I tried to continue telling her how happy I was at the prospect and that the midwife assured me that if need be, the hospital is less than 10 minutes away, but she could only really muster 'so the birth centre is definitely not going to be open then?' I could sense that the key here was being near to the hospital (even though I am already in my home!). The funniest thing about that is that one of the Olympic sites is opposite said hospital, so there's going to be hassle around getting round the area anyway, whether my birth was planned to be there, or not!

Maybe I was foolish to expect her to be as thrilled as me, but if anyone has any experiences this way round i.e. caregiver supportive, family members not, I'd love to know your thoughts!

Even though I have a sick feeling in my stomach about that phonecall I'm still elated and know this is what I want to do...so I think I will be here for a while!

Thanks for reading, hastbury
(baby boy due 13th July)

 

[sthorp1179]

Its your baby your choice hun, I don't think you should let your mum's opinion take the shine off your excitement for a home birth. Its probably just your mum is a bit worried about it because you are her little girl and hospital birth is the norm and perceived as the safest option. I'm sure if you discuss with her the reasons why you feel this is the best choice for you and she has a chance to think about it then she will come round.

Good luck with your home birth plans

 

[2have4kids]

I'm very excited for you, it's a shame when our mom's can't let their own judgements and fears go and be genuinely happy for us. We all want mom's approval...just remember this for when your child one is going through the same thing.
It's happened to me many times, the worst was when we announced our wedding and she didn't ask me about it for 4 months. I asked her if there was anything wrong and let her know that I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm for the preps for my big day. She apologised to me and said that she didn't want me to feel like she wasn't supporting me. She also told me her fears and disagreed about where we were having the wedding (Scotland). My husbands from there so he insisted and who was I to turn down a dream wedding! In the end my parents both had a ball, we travelled around with a group of 12 people for a week until we arrived in the highlands for the big weekend.
Make your dream home birth happen and don't let anything fade your happiness. I hope you can have some sort of supportive, positive dialogue with your mom.

 

[hastbury]

Thank you ladies - a huge help has been that I discussed it with my OH last night and he is very happy with the homebirth option and even started looking at what he can do in terms of making the space as birth friendly as possible! So thats a great help and I know with his support all will be well.

As it happens we have our home visit from the midwife above when my mum is visiting, so if between now and then things get better or worse, I'll know whether to introduce her or send her off to the nearest cafe!

Thanks for reading

 

[madasa]

I really hope your mum comes round for you. It is not your job to convince her, though - if her outlook drags you down then just don't discuss it with her and surround yourself with people who support you instead. When you are surrounded by people who believe in you and support your decisions, your confidence rockets! But when you are around people who disagree with you or are nervous, that also rubs off on you. :-/

 

[hastbury]

I really hope your mum comes round for you. It is not your job to convince her, though - if her outlook drags you down then just don't discuss it with her and surround yourself with people who support you instead. When you are surrounded by people who believe in you and support your decisions, your confidence rockets! But when you are around people who disagree with you or are nervous, that also rubs off on you. :-/

Thank you for this, she has now said that whilst she will be nervous about us having a homebirth, if I'm happy, they will be. I think a huge part of it was seeing what OH would say (I hadn't told him when I had told her). my OH is Asperger's, so having control over our surroundings, light and sound sources and having a place for him/us to time out if need be has homebirth written all over it!
Your excellent point surrounding oneself with supportive peeps is one my OH agrees with entirely - which is why he has now said we are not going to tell his mum about our choice. I am mostly glad of this as she has been a bit of a nervous wreck the whole pregnancy and I have had to tell her to back off a few times, and my OH saying this meant to me that he is listening to how I feel, however both sets of parents are coming round next weekend and I don't want to anyone to feel stressed about 'secrets'! So we'll see how that goes.
I'm now looking for a good choice in birthing pool - I've just read your story - any recommendations from yourself or anyone else? A topic well tread I'm sure on this forum!

 

[ttc bubby no2]

My mum wasn't comfortable with my planned homebirth until she finally watched the copy of the "Business of being born" doco and she could understand my reasons much better. Give her some time to let the idea sink in and hopefully she will be ok. Mine ended up being at the birth and taking photos and now she goes around telling everyone how fantastic home birth is

 

[NuKe]

your mum sounds very like mine! she said her piece very early on- i.e. thinks it would be better to be in a professional place where they have all the equipment etc should a problem arise, but after saying that she left it alone. there was no talking her round at all, so i just accepted she wouldn't ever agree with it (despite being born at home herself!). But at the end of the day it was my decision. I went ahead, had my homebirth, and it was the best thing I ever did. It was an absolutely amazing experience!