Midwives making hb difficult - advice please!

[becstar]

I am so p!!!ed off.

I had the midwife today. I haven't seen the same midwife twice this pregnancy and it was another different woman today.

I told her how I hadn't been called back by the last midwife to arrange the home visit they insist on doing before they okay a home birth in this area. I had called the office on 23rd December and they said she would call back and she did two minutes later while I was on the loo... I didn't answer of course and her message said she'd call again later. She didn't and she didn't answer when I called her.

Anyway, I could have had my visit this week if she called back, bearing in mind I'm 37 weeks and technically ok from this Friday.


The midwife today said they could come to me at 38 weeks but if I went into labour before then I would have to go to hospital. I said it was unfair that because of their admin errors I hadn't had my visit and so I might miss out on a homebirth if I went into labour this weekend. She said they normally don't come out until 38 weeks anyway (why?) and it was only a few days. We went back and forth arguing and in the end she said 'well you can sit and get annoyed about it but we can't change the situation and this is how it is.' She said thet it was for my own safety and the safety of others as they need to have enough staff on call etc and if they're not aware of me, which they 'won't be' until my home visit is done, then they won't come out. They also won't come out if I go more than 12 days over.

I was so annoyed, not just at her but also at myself for not saying 'well I won't be going in even if I do go into labour this weekend so screw you, missus.'

I will not go into hospital because of a bloody admin issue if I can cope at home, and I will not go in to be induced because of their dates and policies unless there is a genuine medical reason specific to me... but I had this whole battle last time and to have this happen already this time feels like... it has taken the wind out of my sails. I was feeling so positive and now I feel really tired and fed up about it all. The home birth rate in my area is less than 1% and it is very clear to me why... they make it incredibly difficult.

It is just making me feel so cross at myself for not being strong (although at least I didn't cry) but my blood pressure when she took it was much higher than normal (although still fine as my blood pressure is normally on the low side of normal).

My mum has been very supportive and I know she will stick up for me but I just could do without this.

Oh, and she just called and she will come at some point on Tuesday (she can't say when so I have to stay in all day with a toddler, fecking great) and it will be her, the miserable cow, coming.

I feel like all the midwives are anti-homebirth (they have been so far) and will be negative about my hypnobirthing etc, and if that cowbag turns up for the birth I might hit her.

Sigh, sorry for being down.


I have looked on the AIMS website but it doesn't seem that up to date. What is my best course of action? Writing to the Director of Midwifery and asking her to put their stance in writing?

Also, they put me forwards by 5 days based on my scan even though we only dtd once in that time and I couldn't possibly be that far ahead...; so if I go 12 days over their dates I will only be a week late in real terms. Can they still refuse to come out or can I still get my home birth?

I am getting so annoyed now, I knew this would happen - they won't talk to you about homebirth until you're nearly 37 weeks then they try to put you off when you're tired and vulnerable.

TBH it is making me think screw 'em, I will just stay at home without a midwife if they won't come out, but one of my birth partners is my sister (a nurse who used to be a midwife) and I'd hate her to get in trouble for being there if anything went wrong.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Ugh! I think I may be facing similar at my appointment in 2 hrs time. Like you say, won't talk to you about until 36 weeks then try and put you off when you're less likely to put up a fight. Well, no way basically.
What I would do (which I think I read on AIMS) is contact the supervisor of MWs, and explain to them that you will be having a homebirth and expect to be supported and a MW sent to you when you are in labour, as is your right. If they fail to provide a MW you and your family will be holding the trust responsible for any untoward outcome.

They cannot refuse to come out to you however many weeks you are. They can advise you to come to hospital but it is still your right to have a HB.

My dates are also wrong (MW decided to put me back 3 days whereas the scan agrees with my dates) so although that will be useful if I go 'over', it will be a pain if I go into labour at 'my' 37+0,1 or 2 because according to her it will be 36 something and pre term. But I will still refuse hospital if there is no other reason to go!

 

[Pielette]

Wow. Just wow. It beggars belief that some areas are so awful for allowing people to have home births. This is our bloody right!
Right, if I were you I would contact the head of the midwifery team and say what has happened and that you are disappointed with how you have been treated over having your home birth. Tell them that you WILL be having your home birth, as is your legal right, and you will not be punished for their so-called admin errors (which we all know is an excuse to fob you off and change your mind). You should also say that you know that legally you are allowed to have a home birth and must be supported in this, and that when you ring the birthing unit when you go into labour, you expect to be attended as they are legally BOUND to do. If they do not attend you you will take the matter further. (They will though, you just need to put some pressure on them).
If they actually didn't attend you, get your sister in and don't worry about it! She's your sister and a birthing partner, she's not on the clock, she's not ignoring orders because there are none.
On the subject of whether it all happens late (too late by their standards), I believe that you can request fetal monitoring rather than be induced. I specifically said that I did not want to be induced unless there was any risk to the baby, which they could tell using fetal monitoring. With an induction of course you would need to be in hospital. If there is no risk to the baby then you can continue to have a home birth.
Best of luck!

 

[xSin]

A quote from another thread about this issue, the 2nd link is a particularly good read!!!

A couple of links for you

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirthuk.htm#staff

https://aims.org.uk/homebirthUpdated.htm

 

[becstar]

Thanks guys.

I have found contact details for the CLinical Midwifery Manager, the Senior Midwifery Manager, The Head of Midwifery, and PALS at the hospital. Shall I write to all of them and put that I have copied the letter to all of them?

 

[becstar]

Is this letter ok Any suggestions?

Copied to Clinical Midwifery Manager, Senior Midwifery Manager, Head of Midwifery, PALS Barnet

Dear
I am expecting a baby on the 27th Jan by my scan date, and 2nd Feb by my LMP date (which I believe to be more accurate) and intend to give birth at home. I have carefully considered the risks of home birth and compared them with the risks of hospital birth and I have chosen to give birth at home.
I would be grateful if you would arrange for my care to be provided by a midwife who is experienced and confident in assisting women to birth at home.

I informed the midwife I saw at my booking and 16 week appointments, and all appointments since (each with a different midwife) that I would be having a home birth.
At my 34 week appointment (at 34+4) I saw Holly who said she would call the next day to arrange my home visit for my home birth. She did not call. I called the team on Friday 23rd December and left a message, and she called back a few minutes later. As I missed the call whilst dealing with my daughter she left a voicemail saying she would call again later. She did not. I called her and she did not answer.
At my 36+4 appointment yesterday I met Suki and explained what had happened. She told me someone would come out for my 38 week appointment but if I went into labour in the meantime no one would attend since I am not in the system and no one is aware of my intention for a homebirth. I find this strange since I have informed every midwife since I booked.
Suki told me it was standard procedure not to come out for this visit until 38 weeks, which seems odd considering the WHO classes 37 weeks as term.
In the end she agreed to come out on Tuesday when I will be 37+4 but said that if I go into labour in the meantime I would have to go into hospital. I said it was very unfair that admin and human errors, not on my part, would mean that I could miss out on my homebirth, and she told me that I ‘could sit there and get annoyed about it but in reality the chances of me going into labour in those few days are very slim so there wasn’t much point.’
Suki also stressed that if I went past my due date by 12 days I would be induced and not be eligible for a homebirth.
I left the appointment feeling negative, unsupported and very upset. It seems to me that no one would even discuss a homebirth until I reached almost 37 weeks and now, as I am close to birth and need to remain focussed and unstressed, obstacles are being placed in my way. It does not surprise me given my experiences this time and last time that the home birth rates in Barnet are so very low.
I intended a homebirth with my daughter who was born at 42+2 but succumbed to intense pressure for induction and the whole process, bar the delivery itself, was very distressing. When she delivered she was not shrivelled, she was a normal, healthy weight (7lb 12oz), the placenta was healthy and there were no signs she had ‘been in the water too long.’ My labour started very suddenly and intensely hours after the most recent prostin pessary and I feel she was ready to come then.

If I go over my EDD from the scan (27th Jan) I am happy to have regular monitoring until 2nd Feb, my original due date, and then reassess. Unless there is a clear medical reason that is personal to me, not just procedure and perceived slightly higher risks, then I will not be induced and I will not be coming to the hospital to give birth.

I would be grateful that if it is the case that midwives will refuse to attend my home birth (within sight of the hospital, 0.5 miles away) that you would put this in writing. I expect a midwife to attend when I call her in labour. Should a midwife not arrive and any untoward event occur that is related to the trust’s failure to respond to my needs and those of my baby, my family will take appropriate action.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I think that is a great letter!

 

[Pielette]

It's a fantastic letter!
I might just advise throwing the word 'legal' in in a couple of places, just to make sure they know that you know the law forces them to comply with your wishes.

 

[xSin]

It's a fantastic letter!
I might just advise throwing the word 'legal' in in a couple of places, just to make sure they know that you know the law forces them to comply with your wishes.

I agree, the example letters on the links above seemed to emphasize pointing out that it is your legal right to give birth at home too; highlight that you are aware of that.

 

[becstar]

I sent the letters yesterday and am going to email the supervisor of midwives today.

I am sorry if I seem OTT about this.

I had a horrible end to my evening yesterday... husband tried to hug me and said sorry if he upset me as he could tell I was upset about what he had said, I said sorry for snapping and we talked about it all.

I ended up sobbing because he kept saying 'it wasn't that bad last time' and I felt totally undermined and unsupported. He said he was there with me the whole time except night time, I wasn't ignored, he totally disregarded the way I felt about the whole thing. He said it isn't the norm round here to want a homebirth, if they are short staffed they are short staffed and we'd have to go in. He said 'I know you like to do things differently but this is the way the system is right now.' He said that they have hundreds of women to deal with and not just me.

He did say in between times that he would support me for a home birth but that noone had done anything wrong, and that if I went overdue then he thinks it would be selfish to not be induced just because.


I honestly felt like my heart was broken, it feels like noone around me will listen to me and treat me like an individual. I really though he would support me but to hear him say 'it wasn't that bad last time' totally undermined everything I felt. I'm getting upset again now... I had to lock myself in the bathroom and I just felt so alone. He kept saying about how he thinks I had PND after La was born and I said I probably did and my hospital experience, together with lack of sleep for 72 hours before the birth (related to the hospital experience) contributed hugely, but he doesn't see the link.

Honestly, noone has been outright mean... All I want though is someone to say 'yes, homebirth can be a good choice, you are healthy and have had a trouble-free pregnancy and it could suit you well. We do have guidelines within the PCT but we can obviously consider them in relation to you as an individual and make sensible choices together.' Instead, all I have been given is a list of rules about when I would or would not be 'allowed' a home birth and not once has anyone said anything positive about my decision.

 

[bettny]

i fell/felt the same way altho my midwife seems to be more on board now i had a phone call 2day and think its all kicking off again.

why are they all so against home birth! theyve tried making me feel sorry for them tact think they will do the rules with me 2morrow.
im thinking i will get told that they want me to go for another pointless scan i wanna refuse but can see that they will use it to try and deny my home birth!

stay strong and tell ur OH that hes gonna have to step up and be there for u and the birth u want not the birth they are trying to force on u!

 

[Pielette]

Unfortunately I think a lot of men don't appreciate how important it is to us to have the kind of birth we want, and how it affects us when it doesn't go that way. They don't get that it can make us depressed, and how wonderful it is to have the experience we dreamed of.
Please don't let it bring you down. He doesn't understand - keep trying to impress upon him how important it is, and tell him it ultimately doesn't matter if he doesn't entirely get it. What matters is that you are his wife and he should respect your wishes, end of. He should respect that regardless of whether he totally understands why it's important to you, he should remember that it IS important and therefore he needs to stand by you.
Short-staffing is not your problem, and every woman should be respected and allowed to have the birth that they want. The other 90% of women who want to give birth in hospital in your area are allowed to. So why shouldn't you be allowed to do what you want to do?
Stick to your guns. At the end of the day, how does it affect anyone else if you don't get the birth you want? It doesn't. They won't care either way. But YOU will. Do not cave, because afterwards if you look back and feel regret over it, it's your wellbeing that is affected in the long run.

 

[becstar]

UPDATE!

I sent the letters and PALS made sure that I got a response (thanks for the tip, treasure!)

The Clinical Midwifery Manager calledme yesterday and said she was sorry for what seemed like misinformation from the midwives and that she would add me to the rota immediately so if I went into labour they would come out, and she would also call the team to tell them they had to if I did. She was lovely and really helpful.

The midwife came out today (same one from last time) and said she had spoken with the CMM and seen my letter and the whole team had been oinformned that their guidance was wrong and that from 37 weeks women can be added regardless of a home visit, and that if they want to do home visits they need to organise them earlier. So the whole team has been advised and my letter actually made a difference!

I really hope I don't go overdue now and that all goes well and I can actually get the home birth I really want!

 

[xSin]

That's fantastic news! Thanks for the update & hoping you have an amazing birth experience!

 

[Arcanegirl]

What a positive update

 

[Mervs Mum]

Brilliant!! Smile, relax and wait patiently for your baby to be ready

 

[loobylou29]

Brilliant update but Im so horrified that women should ever be forced into writing letters and researching this on their own. I was talked out of my homebirth in june and had my son in hospital because I had moved house at 34 weeks and apparently this was not enough time for the new midwifes to arrange things despite my previous midwives actively encouraging me. Well dont I feel stupid now I find they dont even properly finalise plans till 37/38 weeks I guess I was just a victim of the midwives decieving us into doing whats easiest for them! This whole situation is ridiculous! women should have the births they want and with all the talk of hospital overcrowding and viruses etc we should be supported and encouraged to do what we feel is right for OUR babies grrrrrrrrrrrrrr just wait till they try and talk me out of a homebirth this time!!!!! LOL rant over xoxoxo