MIL and comments that aren't very nice

[Lirpa11]

Anyone have a mil who makes comments that could go best unsaid?

We haven't even told her we were TTC, she makes comments that when we have a kid she is leaving country so I don't call her or anything.

She makes these comments because I have been stressed before over goldfish I had previously, and over my dog when it was a puppy. So she says she doesn't want to be around when we have kids.

I thought she would be happy when we told her but I rely don't want to tell her as I don't like these hurtful comments anyone else?

 

[ladders]

Sorry I can't relate to the mile part, that sucks she's like that just try your best to hold your head up and ignore her.
I have a young dog that's had alot of problems as a puppy and iv been in some right states and I'm a vet nurse but completely loose nurse mode and go into nurse mode. There is nothing wrong with loving your animals whether it be a dog or a fish, in fact I don't think you should have a pet if you don't care and look after them to your fullest. I think it's an admirable tract and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Good luck with your ttc journey

 

[ladders]

Sorry meant go out of nurse mode into mum mode!

 

[Lirpa11]

Thanks. It's just hurtful and makes me feel like I can't talk to her. I don't even want to tell her when we find out as I don't want her comments,,,

I'll make sure when we do have one that I don't call her

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

Oh what silly comments to make!

You should see me with my dogs. When my dog died last year I was a mess. I still am on some days, a broken hearted mess - I wailed like nothing else and he was my closest friend. I get it! She obviously doesn't.

Don't take it to heart, she will be happy I am sure - is she trying to be "humourous"?

 

[Lirpa11]

Oh what silly comments to make!

You should see me with my dogs. When my dog died last year I was a mess. I still am on some days, a broken hearted mess - I wailed like nothing else and he was my closest friend. I get it! She obviously doesn't.

Don't take it to heart, she will be happy I am sure - is she trying to be "humourous"?

Possibly, just not a very nice humour.

I'll have to start saying that I'll be sure n not call her if we have any problems *sigh*

It makes it harder as I,live in I Australia with DH, and my family is in Georgia, USA. So I do call her if I need to talk or ask advice. Maybe I shouldn't I wish we were near my family. They would want me to call no matter why.

 

[purplecupcake]

It sounds like she was trying to make a harmless joke, IMO. I probably would make the same kind of quip to someone who had stressed over a goldfish.

Depending on what kind of relationship you have with her, I would either tell her that her comment hurt you, or have your husband tell her that. People aren't mind readers, you need to communicate with them when something goes wrong instead of holding it in and letting is become animosity.

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

Yes, poor taste humour indeed!

I understand that completely! We were recently contemplating a move to another part of the country but we visited friends who live there this past weekend and stayed four days. They have a 5 week old son (I was trying to get all the baby I could so my body can make me one!!!) and I cannot now contemplate being away from my Mum and my MIL - I see my MIL more often than my Mum and we are similar in many ways so I can't fathom not being close.

x

 

[cookette]

It sounds like she was trying to make a harmless joke, IMO. I probably would make the same kind of quip to someone who had stressed over a goldfish.

Depending on what kind of relationship you have with her, I would either tell her that her comment hurt you, or have your husband tell her that. People aren't mind readers, you need to communicate with them when something goes wrong instead of holding it in and letting is become animosity.

I agree completely, especially the first part...

 

[Lirpa11]

Thank girls, I'm sure your right. It's just the same joke gets a bit old at times.

I'll speak to her soon, or the next time she says it. I'm sure she doesn't mean it in the way it's making me feel. Maybe by speaking up I can let her know that her comments are starting to get to me.

I'll have a word with her, I'm sure she will understand.

 

[LadyNWaiting]

I got married to my wonderful husband last May. My first Thanksgiving with his family, and his mother says, "I've been talking with my friends about your problem. They say there are plenty of things you can do. Have you thought about adoption?" I informed her that I was unaware that had a problem. She said, "Well you're not pregnant yet, are you?" And now, in March, I'm still not. I'm starting to wonder if I do have a problem. I've charted my temp and done OPK's and had well-timed sex, but no go. I have recently (in the last few hours) had some brown spotting (I know, tmi, sorry). I'm only 4 DPO, so I don't think it's implantation spotting. Has this happened to anyone else?

I wish it were implantation spotting, but it makes me feel so much worse to get my hopes up every month.

 

[ready4number1]

That was rude of her to say. She clearly has NO idea what she is talking about. I mean, she could have pulled you to the side.

Anyway, I had brown spotting at 3 dpo for two wipes, 4 dpo had a little left over, and 5 dpo even less. I think all in all it totaled about a quarter size amount of brown discharge.

It could very well be IB for both of us because I read countless post about ppl having IB that early. Good luck!!

 

[ready4number1]

Hi! I am sorry you are going through this. Yes, it does sound like she was making a joke but it was mean. I have come across more than a few people who take pleasure in embarrassing or hurting others with inconsiderate "jokes." I do not know exactly how she said it, but maybe she was not trying to be intentionally mean, or maybe she was.

In the future, call people out when they say something you find mean. Don't go home and dwell on it, put it in check right then and there. Easier said than done right? You remind me of myself, and I have a problem with not putting people in their place as soon as something happens that I don't like. I have had this problem since I was a child. However, I am working on this right now.

The thing is, you do not have to be mean. Next time say something like "wow, that was kind of mean." And let her respond. Stand your ground calmly, don't let her brush you off and if she does politely, but firmly ask her not to say things like that to you. Next thing you know she may embarrass you in public if you don't handle it.

You are entitled to have YOUR own boundaries. If you want to stress over your fish that is your option. And you know what? Don't call her about your kids. Look it up online, call your doctor, talk to your husband. Only inform her about great things going on with your kids, and handle any other issues on your own.