MIL buying things for her house

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by KittyVentura, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Firstly let me say that I adore my in-laws... this isn't a MIL rant. I am not at all close to my own parents and FIL walked me down the ailse when I got married and I see MIL far more than DH does. We've been like this since way before I fell pregnant. When I was pregnant MIL would come bring me foods I was craving and I'd go to stay at theirs if DH was working away just for the company etc.

    I didn't have the best of childhoods and for me the best times I had were when I went to stay with my Nan at the weekend. Fin won't have anything like the childhood that I did but it's really important to me that he has a strong relationship with MIL as a result. He's stayed overnight 3 times so far and from this Friday will be staying with her on a more frequent basis (once or twice a month). This is for Fin's benefit - not my own (he really is an angel child, content, happy, self settles and STTN so I don't need a break myself etc).

    Anyway MIL bought a cot for her spare room which was a great idea as BIL is trying for a baby too so will get plenty of use out of it. She also bough a few other bits like a change mat and bouncy chair which have all come in very handy.

    This weekend we went over and she's bought a potty, boxes of nappies, formula, steamer, highchair and mountains of books and toys to keep at her house... and I feel really annoyed about it. I'm sure it's irrational and I know she's done it because she wants to make it easier for us and safe us taking loads of things over but I can't help but feel threatened by it.

    Is this standard MIL behaviour or is this OTT? I know it's harmless and she means well... she's such a darling really... but I guess this is a maternal threatened thing?

    She rang me today because someone told her that there's a carseat in the ASDA baby event for £25 and she wanted to discuss with me before buying it... but it's the next stage FF type. Fin's only 3 months and I've already mentioned I want to look into ERF in the next car seat but need to do research... it's all just bothering me.

    Sorry - Just needed to get it out really.

    Am I being a twat? xx
     
  2. icy1975

    icy1975 Lucy's mummy, aka Sarah

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    hmm we all look at things differently but you have asked for opinions. My mum has all the things you've mentioned at her house and more, Lucy stays with her regularly as you've said to build up a good relationship and it's so much easier having things already there than having to cart everything from our house to hers, plus she has pretty much the same stuff that we do so that Lucy doesn't get confused by us using different things. I personally don't see an issue with it but that's just me, you can't help how you feel!
     
  3. SKATERBUN

    SKATERBUN Well-Known Member

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    Well I probably would in the old days when my LO was a newborn, and I was a rookie mum and thought I knew best ;) but now LO is 6 months and I am stressed, tired, broke lol I really appreciate any help I can get :D Its like when K was born she sent the most hugest box of stuff ever (nappies, wipes, clothes (some werent to my liking but they grew on me;) , thermometer, toiletries, loads more, and it wasnt until I was 3 or 4 months in to first time motherhood that I really realised that I wouldnt of thought of half the stuff she got and everything (bar the shoes) was used and came in handy. Every first time mum should be given a starter box its a lifesaver.
    When i visit my MIL I dunno if it is a fear of her not wanting to interfere anymore now shes older and I'm more established as a mum, but I would really love it if she got thing a little more prepared for us when we stay over. When I first stayed with LO we didnt have a cot or a baby bath and we had her sleep in our bed and used the sink to bathe her. This is even though MIL has loads of stuff from DH's nephews still in the house somewhere but I think it got all put into storage. As we have to travel a long way to see MIL we cant take everything with us so it would be good if we had a load of stuff set up when we got there. So If I were you I would appreciate all the double stuff shes bought just to keep at her house, it must make life easier for everyone.
    My sister has bought a highchair for her place and she doesnt have any kids now, so its just really thoughtful
    The only thing I would say no on from the safety POV is the car seat :D
     
  4. jojo_b

    jojo_b Well-Known Member

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    I think it's sweet but I'd be exactly the same. I love the relationship Fin has with my parents, who adore him, but it still prickles a bit when my mum says "our Fin"! it's totally irrational and I don't know why I feel a bit snarly about it so I can only assume it's some weird kind of protective mummy thing. I think it'll feel easier for you when he starts staying and getting use out of all the stuff coz then it'll start to just feel like more of "his stuff", rather than "the stuff MIL bought", iykwim x
     
  5. ILoveShoes

    ILoveShoes Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you're being a twat. I think I would probably feel the same, although I don't think I would if it was my Mum buying the stuff... I think I have issues though!
    xx
     
  6. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Thanks guys. I don't wanna be bothered by it. I think maybe this is just so far from thebehaviour of my own family that I think it's not normal. Just knowing other grandparents do the same does make me feel better already xx
     
  7. RCMC

    RCMC Well-Known Member

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    I would say you are probably being a bit over sensitive if I am honest (but I am also often this way - usually linked with raging hormones so I do understand!) Both my mum and MIL have most of this stuff at their house as they both have my LO when I am at work or for the odd night so I think it's quite normal. I do think the potty is strange as Fin won't be using that for a long time. In time you will probably be grateful that you don't have to pack all this stuff when you go over there.

    The car seat thing is a bit of a nuisance though and if you feel strongly about it then just tell her. Sounds like she's quite reasonable as she phoned you first. I'm sure she'd understand once you explain your reasons.

    Do you think you feel like this because she'll be having your LO more often. I found it hard to hand my little girl over even though I knew it was for everyone's own good and trusted that they'd take good care of her.

    Best of luck x
     
  8. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    My MIL did the same, and pretty much set up shop. The difference to your scenario though, was that I never want to leave LO with MIL. I think buying all this stuff upset and threatened me so much it made it worse. Then one day I found magazines, products, nappies, bath stuff. And that sent me into a total rage

    I think odd bits are fine but when you see the personal things, like nappies, lotions and stuff like that, you can get a bit put out
     
  9. hannahR

    hannahR Hollie aged three ttc no2

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    I wouldnt be annoyed at that no, my mum and my mil have all sorts at there house for when we visit and its a real bonus. (we all forget something sometimes right!?)

    I had to laugh though at your comment....'am i just being a twat?' In answer....no, of course not!! xxx
     
  10. indy and lara

    indy and lara Well-Known Member

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    I think that if she is going to be looking after LO regularly then she is probably just trying to save you the hassle of bringing things to and fro each time. Probably trying to save herself the bother too.

    Emma has never stayed with my Dad or inlaws over night but she does spend sometime there during the day. They both have toy boxes in their houses so I don't have to bring toys with me each time.

    I wouldn't be too bothered about it and be glad that your MIL wants to have a positive relationship with your child. As you said, you had a good relationship with them previously so they are trying to help you out, not take over. Maybe it is hard for you because although you get on with them, they are not your own parents?
     
  11. Samemka

    Samemka Mummy of 2 girlies

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    I think what your MIL is doing is standard loving grandparent behaviour.....she probably thinks it'll be easier if she has supplies at her house and tbh, I bet she's so excited about having your LO and loves him so much that she just couldn't help herself buying stuff, I imagine it's all part of the excited grandparent feeling!!! :D xxx
     
  12. hippobaby

    hippobaby Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you're being sensitive, I wouldn't want either sets of grandparents doubling up on anything- i think it's unnecessary. The change bag goes with us with nappies/spare clothes/toys etc we will be getting a travel booster seat for mealtimes so there's no need.
     
  13. Khloeee

    Khloeee Well-Known Member

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    I would feel a bit threatened but only because in my case I haven't discussed having LO stay the night anywhere else so it would seem like MIL was jumping the gun.

    In your case seeing as he's going to be staying there regularly, it makes sense to have things there for him and sounds like your MIL is trying to make life easier so you don't have to lug all the baby gear over every time.

    My auntie has a lot of grandkids so has turned one room into a nursery with toys, changing table, nursing chair and everything in it. I visited the other day and it was actually really handy having a room to take Arlo to chill out and change him, or in my cousins case, a room where she
    could feed her 2 week old in privacy as she hadn't quite got the hang of it yet and didn't want to feed in front of a load of relatives.

    To be honest, I'd quite like it if my MIL at last had a changing area at hers as it's a pain in the arse changing him on the bathroom floor all the time! (not sure she'd appreciate me using the sofa or the immaculate carpets as a surface for nappy changing!)
     
  14. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Thanks everyone :D xx
     
  15. mystika802

    mystika802 Well-Known Member

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    I think I know what you mean, I had a rough upbringing too, I havent talked to my father in years and I am just recently trying to have some sort of relationship with my mom (they are still together)
    anyway, my MIL has all the stuff at her house too, for my niece, she thinks she will be using it for Charlie but I wont be letting him go there at least until Im done breast feeding. I think a lot of parents get all the gear for their house too, my friends in laws just set up a full nursery at their house for her daughter, she was very annoyed.
    For me its more that Im not used to that type of thing in my family but I like that my MIL wants to be such a big part of his life
     
  16. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Think this sums it up really. I mean my own parents didn't even come to my wedding (mum made the ceremony but didn't come to the reception - no reason for not coming though). They never ring, speak to me or make any effort at all and so this is so far detached from what I'm used to that I kjust struggle with it all sometimes... even though it's lovely things happening

    Ramble ramble

    Glad I;m not a twat though :haha: xx
     
  17. Seity

    Seity Mom to Gabriel and Samuel

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    She's just being thoughtful. My inlaws would do the same if they lived close enough that we could see them more than once or twice a year.
    (My FIL walked me down the aisle too because my parents didn't come to my wedding.)
     
  18. Bartness

    Bartness 1st time mommy to Jaxon.

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    my mom has formula, diapers and wipes (she had to go buy Huggies naturals as Jaxon is allergic to pampers sensatives), lotion, powder, play pen and a high chair for when Jaxon is over. Saves me from having to pack up the house when we go visit for an afternoon or evening. The highchair she actually bought for my nephew Blake, as Jaxon is to little for it right now. BUt he'll use it when he gets big enough.
     

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