MIL Is Crazy!! *rant*

[mrs_sasquatch]

Please don't put too much stock in this. Need to rant, and it's more private here.

To explain first, when DH and I first got together, my MIL was so sweet, called me her daughter, wanted to do shopping and bonding things all the time.
Then when we started planning the wedding, she told him (behind my back, of course) that I was marrying him for his money (HAHAHA!) and land (which she sold). She treated my family horribly at the wedding, wouldn't speak to them at all. And in the family wedding pics, they all look like they are at a funeral.

Our first Christmas together, she told him he was trapped in a loveless marriage and needed a divorce. She's also told him in the past that our relationship isn't strong enough to get a dog.

There is a lot more, but I don't want to dump it all here.

Anyway, we have been TTC for 4 years and are now at 21 weeks with our first baby. I'm off work on doctors orders (first time I've been unemployed since I was 16). So she posts on FB today basically calling me a lazy leech because I'm not working and DH is. And then she says "Well, hopefully when the baby come, with his extra hours, he can afford to get a nanny so he can get some sleep once in awhile". I am so frustrated!!!

 

[Jessicahide]

She sounds nutty!!

 

[jlw617]

Oh my word! Crazy doesn't describe this lady! What does your DH say about all of it?

 

[mrs_sasquatch]

Oh my word! Crazy doesn't describe this lady! What does your DH say about all of it?

He's fed up. She likes to do this stuff and then call him and tattle like a 5 year old. He has now banned her from the baby shower, will not accept gifts from her, and is getting close to taking away any grandma rights she had.

The thing that gets me is with me being high-risk, her concern is not for her grandchild (first, too, btw), but for me leeching off her son.

 

[EleanoirRigby]

She sounds insanely jealous of you and her son's closeness.

And incredibly immature for doing the things she has. I'm so sorry you're going through this, definitely have your DH step in, step up and put an end to it, that way it doesn't continue to put him inbetween his mother and the love of his life. Wishing you all the best!

 

[kuntrykutie]

Please don't put too much stock in this. Need to rant, and it's more private here.

To explain first, when DH and I first got together, my MIL was so sweet, called me her daughter, wanted to do shopping and bonding things all the time.
Then when we started planning the wedding, she told him (behind my back, of course) that I was marrying him for his money (HAHAHA!) and land (which she sold). She treated my family horribly at the wedding, wouldn't speak to them at all. And in the family wedding pics, they all look like they are at a funeral.

Our first Christmas together, she told him he was trapped in a loveless marriage and needed a divorce. She's also told him in the past that our relationship isn't strong enough to get a dog.

There is a lot more, but I don't want to dump it all here.

Anyway, we have been TTC for 4 years and are now at 21 weeks with our first baby. I'm off work on doctors orders (first time I've been unemployed since I was 16). So she posts on FB today basically calling me a lazy leech because I'm not working and DH is. And then she says "Well, hopefully when the baby come, with his extra hours, he can afford to get a nanny so he can get some sleep once in awhile". I am so frustrated!!!

Wow, I would tell her to shove it where the son don't shine. What goes on between you and your husband is your guys' business and not hers. She needs to find something better to do than trying to ruin your marriage. I hope things get better and congratulations on your little bean

 

[lewood88]

I would have a police order against her and then id have her for bashing you on facebook id teach her a lesson make her realise what damage she gas done to the relationship of her grandchild

I know its tit for tat but people have no rights being like that with other ppl its wrong

 

[LoraLoo]

She's clearky want a reaction from you. Play her at her own game and completely ignore it, don't give her Ny ammunition to attack you even more. I really think DH needs to be having words with her!

 

[TTC First]

To me it sound like on of two things. Did something happen between the dating and wedding. Maybe she was offended by something that you are not even aware of. Maybe DH could ask her if something happened to upset her. If not, I agree with EleanoirRigby and maybe she just believes that you are stealing her baby. If this is the case...you may have an ongoing battle on your hands.

I would try to settle this before lo comes as I am sure you guys don't want to have to keep her away from lo.

 

[mrs_sasquatch]

To me it sound like on of two things. Did something happen between the dating and wedding. Maybe she was offended by something that you are not even aware of. Maybe DH could ask her if something happened to upset her. If not, I agree with EleanoirRigby and maybe she just believes that you are stealing her baby. If this is the case...you may have an ongoing battle on your hands.

I would try to settle this before lo comes as I am sure you guys don't want to have to keep her away from lo.

I wish something had happened! At least then we would have an explanation. But even when she originally started this I was a gold digger. Love DH to death, but he's a mechanic...and if I was digging for gold, I haven't found it yet.

At this point, he was so angry with her last night that it may soon come to cutting off ties with her. Each time something happens where she is not center of attention (wedding, first anniversary, first baby, etc) she goes insane like this. We've gotten to the point where we can smell it coming like a lightning storm.

 

[SweetV]

She sounds horrible. I would absolutely have DH say something to her and let her know it needs to stop or there will be distance between all of you. I had to do that with my in-laws for a while when they got to be too much. Now they behave for the sake of being able to see their grandchildren.

 

[Ahughes]

I'm sorry you guys are going through this! I'm dealing with a similar situation but with my own mother. At every event that I have had (wedding shower, wedding, & baby shower), my mom has somehow managed to ruin it for me. She brings a lot of drama with her wherever we go. Each time we all get together has one family, I get a phone call a few hours later with my mother screaming at me over the phone about how something was said or how something was handle, and I didn't even know what had happened! I think she is jealous of the relationship that I have with my MIL and always feels like she must compete with her. I usually just keep my mouth shut when my mother has these meltdowns on me, but after the recent episode at my baby shower I had to put my foot down. I sent her a calm but blunt text message telling her that she cannot put me in the middle of her issues with another person, especially when I have no control over it. I also told her that she will not make me and my new family choose sides because our son deserves to have healthy relationships with both sides of his family. This happened a couple of weeks ago and I still have some anger towards her about how she treated me. I hope your MIL comes to her senses and realizes that she is the one who is jeopardizing any type of relationship with her future grandchild.

 

[flamingpanda]

Quite honestly, in this situation I'd be looking at my OH to say something. He needs to make it clear you are his wife and she has no right to speak to you or about you like that.

 

[mrs_sasquatch]

Quite honestly, in this situation I'd be looking at my OH to say something. He needs to make it clear you are his wife and she has no right to speak to you or about you like that.

He's actually been awesome about it since it started. Now, he's pretty frustrated, but she keeps dragging him into the middle of it, instead of talking to me like an adult. She had the nerve to tell him last fall that he "needs to keep his wife in line and tell her to let things go and let bygones be bygones". Fortunately, at the time, he flat out told her since she never apologized and seems to think her childish behavior is acceptable, that he couldn't see anyone being able to forget the things she had done.

After this newest debacle, I told him I didn't want to even be in the same room as her and he agreed. I banned her from the baby shower, and he says she won't be welcome at the hospital. She can look through the glass in the nursery, but he says he won't tolerate her upsetting me again.

 

[Charmed86]

I've cut my MIL out completely. She was just like yours, started off being really friendly, calling me her daughter etc.. And then turned on me! I broke both of my ankles, almost 4 years ago & when that happened, she made such a big deal out of helping me. She was lovely to DH about it though, so it took him a while to believe she was being that way. She pretty much implied that it would have been easier for her & DH if I'd just died!! Things went sour from then on & when I got pregnant, she went around the village & told everyone - despite asking her not to! At the time, we were expecting twins, but unfortunately lost one around 9wks. When we went 'public' with the pregnancy, lots of people corrected me & said we were having twins. It was heartbreaking for me to have to keep going through that. She never apologised, and to this day, says that she didn't tell anyone! I can't be doing with the drama & the lies.

Since then, a lot has come out about how she treated DH when he was growing up, so I don't regret my decision to cut her out one bit! DH backs me on it too, which is good!

 

[mrs_sasquatch]

I've cut my MIL out completely. She was just like yours, started off being really friendly, calling me her daughter etc.. And then turned on me! I broke both of my ankles, almost 4 years ago & when that happened, she made such a big deal out of helping me. She was lovely to DH about it though, so it took him a while to believe she was being that way. She pretty much implied that it would have been easier for her & DH if I'd just died!! Things went sour from then on & when I got pregnant, she went around the village & told everyone - despite asking her not to! At the time, we were expecting twins, but unfortunately lost one around 9wks. When we went 'public' with the pregnancy, lots of people corrected me & said we were having twins. It was heartbreaking for me to have to keep going through that. She never apologised, and to this day, says that she didn't tell anyone! I can't be doing with the drama & the lies.

Since then, a lot has come out about how she treated DH when he was growing up, so I don't regret my decision to cut her out one bit! DH backs me on it too, which is good!

Oh, my! I'm so sorry you went through that, Charmed. How heartbreaking for you.

 

[mrs_sasquatch]

Well, she tried more crap today. My family and friends gave her the mother of all beatdowns on Facebook. It's kinda funny.

 

[oneill614]

Facebook drama is terrible. I unfriended my boyfriend and sister lately because of stupid bickering on there over a picture of my bump!

 

[bunyhuny]

Wow, she sounds like a nutter.

My FIL was similar, but my DH shut it down pretty quick. Thankfully my FIL doesn't like to be mean online since he's a minister and that would be too public, so once it was shut down privately, that was the end of that since he lives three states away. He too was nice to me before the wedding, very friendly, inviting me to all the family functions, etc, but leading up to the wedding, he said weird things about me to DH's relative so much that none of them came to the wedding- not even DH's grandmothers! At the wedding he said rude things about me to all my adult relatives and went around asking weird personal questions about me. Then, he left a note in our wedding card box mocking our non-Christian ceremony and telling me I was going to hell for not sharing in his faith- which I found incredibly uncomfortable and totally inappropriate for a wedding card. Turns out he actually went around showing off the card to my family first, which was really upsetting for them.

Months later, and after more uncomfortable religious issues, DH finally sat him down and said religion discussions are off limits if he wants to be involved in our lives. Since then, we've only visited with him once in three years, and I doubt we'll be visiting much more than that after the baby is born. My entire family refuses to interact with the guy, so he's pretty much put his family on the outs with mine. It's been decided we'll never leave our children unsupervised with him. Who knows what upsetting, scarring thing he might say!

Anyway! I have no good advice on how to handle any of the weirdness, but I do want to say that it's wonderful your DH has been sticking up for you. Not all guys would be able to stand up to their parents. I know it was really hard for my DH. It's really commendable and I think you're totally doing the right thing by not having her at your baby shower. You can't fix crazy, but you can definitely kick it out of your life!