MIL Issue/ worry

[reiller]

Hey,

Im not married to my OH , Been together 4 and half years, but for arguments sake I will call her my MIL on thsi thread..

I don't think I will be able to handle her when the baby comes . Although she has taken a very back seta apprach to the pregnance I know once the baby comes I'll be on tenderhooks my issues are:

She wasnt the best mum to my OH and I fear she may try to compensate with our CHild
She is not very approachable and loves a drink -I dont know how im going to approach this subject when she wants to babysit
She smokes a lot, I dont paticurlary want my child around so much smoke
She curses a lot ,not an issue with a baby but as they start to learn more words)
And finally she has bought some clother for our LO but wont let us see them and maintains that they are for HER HOUSE ONLY. I find this a bit odd personally
There are a lot more other little issues but I an afraid I may be overreacting??


I know this is a weird thread but have any of you the same fears? Ive mentioned this to my OH lighlty as I said they have a strange relationship ( he can slag her off but god help anyone else who does) and I think he may snap at me if I say it.

It doesn not help that my mum does not like his mum...

 

[Soos]

well alcohol, smoking and swearing should be banned in front of a baby. you must talk about it to your OH, MIL as well as your own family members (so that he cant blame you for criticizing his mom).

when it comes to other minor stuff, i'd say deal with it when time comes, because sitting and stressing yourself out because of problems that might never occur is not something you need right now. xx

 

[reiller]

well alcohol, smoking and swearing should be banned in front of a baby. you must talk about it to your OH, MIL as well as your own family members (so that he cant blame you for criticizing his mom).

when it comes to other minor stuff, i'd say deal with it when time comes, because sitting and stressing yourself out because of problems that might never occur is not something you need right now. xx

Hi Yeap i think having the same chat with everyone will get rid of any exclusion issues
Although yesterday she made a comment in fron tof my OH- who didint hear it but she said " O and will this child be allowed to wear Primark"
It really upset me as i LOVE primark -She thinks im really snobby and posh.. takes a lot for her to be nice to me.
I am classicaly trained singer so I took eleocution lessons and I suppose you could say I speak kinda posh but I don't think it's fair for me to have to change the way I speak to make her feel less intimidatesd as for being "posh" im not I never have been but I suppose Vicky pollad would be posh next to this one.

 

[bubbles]

I agree with Soos on talking to your OH and MIL as well as your own family, that way your OH can't accuse you of just being like it with his mum and she can't play the victim.
I had issues with my MIL trying to take over with DS, she also bought stuff just for her house (nappies, wipes etc in fact it wouldn't suprise me if she still had a huge stash) and I'm pretty sure given half the chance she would have tried to BF him herself. Any way this time I have no worries, she's not really bothered through out the pregnancy and only bought her something THIS weekend (she has bought DS quite a bit during my pregnancy) DH and I know she is being like this because I'm having a girl and she has never had any interest in girls, never wanted one herself and doesn't particularly want a grandaughter. TBH I'm quite pleased because it means she will keep clear

 

[bathbabe]

just popped over from baby club. My MIL is like this too. My answer? If she wants to see my baby more than once a month, she will have to visit us. But she doesnt because it means she cant drink. Shes an alcoholic. So i only have to see her once a month. And if she ever asks to babysit im gunna tell her straight that she cant drink and if she does she isnt looking after him again. And that she will have to go smoke outside and was her hands and wait 15mins before she holds him. She will NEVER babysit tho. I dont trust her not to drink. End of. Good luck hun! X

 

[DottyLottie]

I think set some firm boundaries now, and as someone else suggested, perhaps make the same guidelines clear to your own family too, so it doesn't look like it's one rule for one and something different for another. It's never easy with MIL's or sometimes even your own family (my mum is a nightmare!).

Regards to buying clothes to keep at her house, my mum does this too! Old ladie's are SO odd sometimes lol

 

[Soos]

btw i wouldnt mind having separate stash of clothes in in-laws and my parent's place, it would make my life easier (less clothes in my changing bag while visiting) lol

 

[Cookie1979]

I think you (and particularly your OH) need to tell your MIL straight, particularly smoking and drinking are dangerous round a baby so she needs to know the rules, this is your baby and what you say goes.

My friends brother has a baby and his mum isn't allowed to look after the baby cos she drinks, its not nice to ban the babies grandmother but they've had to do what is best for the baby.

Don't let it all come from you though, your OH needs to put down the rules with his mum, because she is HIS mum, not yours. If it was your mum that was the problem then he wouldn't expect for a second to have to talk to her about issues, so the same goes with you talking to his mum. I think predominantly he needs to be the one who lays down the rules. Of course be nice about it, but you can't ignore the issues you have with her.

 

[SaskySprite]

the clothes thing is very weird......are they for the baby or for her??

Also think you should make the ground rules now on the no smoking or swearing in front of the baby full stop.

 

[reiller]

the clothes thing is very weird......are they for the baby or for her??

Also think you should make the ground rules now on the no smoking or swearing in front of the baby full stop.

They are for the baby.. she has bought pratically an entire catalogue.. I reckon she is in debt now as she cannot manage her money... She is on benefits and all she does is but clothes..

I heard her mention to my SIL that she may ned to get some money for the clothes (from us) as after all its our baby

 

[Cookie1979]

I heard her mention to my SIL that she may ned to get some money for the clothes (from us) as after all its our baby

Ha ha what a cheek!! So she's bought clothes for your baby and expects money!??!! Unbelievable! If she goes out and buys clothes off her own back then its up to her to pay for them not you.

 

[reiller]

Yeah I know... Im not a very confrontational person and my OH would usually say nothing to spare any fighting so she gets away with a lot. If I confront her she usually starts the "im better than everyone else " speech so ...
If she does ask for money I will say no and tell her to return the items as I didnt ask for them..
I wish everything was easy that I could just get on with her. . But it seems to get on with her is to basically disregard my morals.

 

[MrsNovBaby]

well alcohol, smoking and swearing should be banned in front of a baby. you must talk about it to your OH, MIL as well as your own family members (so that he cant blame you for criticizing his mom).

when it comes to other minor stuff, i'd say deal with it when time comes, because sitting and stressing yourself out because of problems that might never occur is not something you need right now. xx

Totally agree with Soos, good luck with the MIL!!! xx

 

[lushious09]

End of the day hun this is YOUR baby and she can either respect your rules and concerns or not bother... speak to your OH about it and make sure he agrees and is on board as he may get a little defensive xx

 

[meggabear]

Does your OH know about her plan or intent to get money from you for the clothes SHE bought of her own will, the very same clothes that you or OH are not allowed to use unless at her house? that's extremely cheeky and quite ridiculous IMO. Putting down ground rules and sticking to your guns, OH on your side or not is the biggest challange that will be popping up, if you lay down the foundations now it will be less hostile later, or so I do hope *hugs* all the best in this

 

[AP]

Tell her to shove her clothes - what does she want to do, play mummies again? My mIL did this with a play gym she bought us, then decided to put in in her cupboard for every time we came up (like not even once a month) that wasnt the plan, but it was like she wanted something too that belonged to LO, have some sort of 'control'

I still find odd things in the house - cracks me up - BIG TIME