MIL took pictures of fiance and baby without me in them - help?

[HSDR2017]

Myself and my technically m-i-l never had the best relationship for way too much to type. Regardless my fiance was in jail for 3 mos for a stupid probation violation and his mom asked to visit.

We went over to my parents and she came over to see him and my daughter since he just got out of jail this past week.

This is the first time she seen him since he got out but I let her see our daughter a couple times when she asked to see her.. she never took any pics of me holding our daughter or asked me if she could!

She also told him to smile and look at the camera after saying "I want to get a picture of your and Natalie " then ahe proceeded to take atleast 5 pics of my fiance holding our babygirl.

I was livid because I waited to see if she would ask to take a pic of our FAMILY together and she just sat back down after clearing her throat!!

Would anyone else be annoyed, irritated and offended or is it just me?

My fiance didnt ask me to get in any pictures either and didn t seem annoyed. He got annoyed when I brought it up and wouldn t agree or disagree with me. He said he wouldn t care if it was the other way around (my Mom only taking a pic of me and my baby and actually saying it out loud without inviting him in and telling him to get in since we are a FAMILY!!!

Am I right or wrong here?

 

[bbbbbbb811]

My OH immediate family are like this, only want pictures of their family (I.e my oh and kids, or them and kids), I'm never asked to get in them plus when I hired a photographer for our daughters christening they only have the ones of them and children plastered everywhere... None with me in. I don't care because I tend to avoid pictures, but it has upset me at points because we are a family, and it makes me feel excluded(I tried hard to be a member of their family I felt, but never did feel I was) But as it is, its clear they don't think very highly of me and I don't really like them anyway
His wider family, aunts, uncles, nan etc all make me feel very welcome and treat me very much as part of the family as the rest of them which is lovely.
Some family's are just them them them, as if it's some sort of exclusive club.

 

[LoraLoo]

It wouldnt have bothered me. Whats wrong with her wanting some photos of just her Son and Granddaughter alone?

 

[Teri7489]

If you have a difficult relationship, and it's always been the same then surely this shouldn't be a surprise to you? Did you want her to take pictures of you as you say she came to see your OH and daughter? Personally I wouldnt be irritated (I don't get on my with my MIL at all) I would just have asked her to take a picture and not waited to see if she did then be annoyed that she didn't. Sorry if that's harsh x

 

[GodsNotDead23]

I think your feelings should be validated by your husband but not necessarily anything done about it. It’s irritating but not worth causing a fuss in my opinion.

 

[HSDR2017]

His mom also lied to the funeral home after our son, Hunter, was stillborn at 33 weeks in Sept 2016. My babygirl was born October 2017 so she never wanted anything to do with me and she literally had the funeral home mail the death certificate to her house because she lied to them about where my fiance lived (weve lived together for almost 5 years now and started dating over 7 years ago). She showed my fiance OUR sons death certificate and opened it atleat 2 days earlier (the env. tamp date proved this) and tried to blame me for our son being stillborn. I am and was a smoker but my son passed away when I fell down only 1-2 stairs and I freaked out and my fiance - her son - basically told me I was being a baby since I was crying so I tried to minimize what happened.

I'm positive she did what she did intentionally. Why doesn't he even bother to say anything or atleast tell me " im sorry baby my mom was wrong you have every right to be upset I understand". Instead he ignored me and told me I always started problems, etc., I think hes a mamas boy or Im atleast starting to!! (his dad cheated on and left his mom for another woman and his mom seems to be a narcissist so she hasnt let go of him - my fiance - CLeARLY! She wouldnt even let me over for the first christmas after our son was stillborn then all of a sudden she said she wanted to put differences aside so she could see Natalie but she didn't say ANYTHINGGGG to me AT ALL kind or apologizing or even tryibg to make things right the entire time I was depressed after I lost my son OR while I was doing everything possible to make sure my babygirl was healthy and happy (she had vasa previa and velamentous cord) my son had VCI and/or VP too I believe.. I was told my the ob to follow up on a "partial placenta previa" at 18 weeks pregnant with my son and the old ob when I was pg with him told me it was exteemely rare and never ordered anyyy follow up u/s as recommended on paper!

I HATE her! I know for a fact she wants my fiance and I to breakup. She manipulates him so easily its sickening.

 

[ClairAye]

It wouldnt have bothered me. Whats wrong with her wanting some photos of just her Son and Granddaughter alone?

I feel the same. I would honestly view it as, if you wanted a photo of the three of you why not ask her to take one? Some people won't assume things like that either. It's not something that would get to me.

 

[LoraLoo]

His mom also lied to the funeral home after our son, Hunter, was stillborn at 33 weeks in Sept 2016. My babygirl was born October 2017 so she never wanted anything to do with me and she literally had the funeral home mail the death certificate to her house because she lied to them about where my fiance lived (weve lived together for almost 5 years now and started dating over 7 years ago). She showed my fiance OUR sons death certificate and opened it atleat 2 days earlier (the env. tamp date proved this) and tried to blame me for our son being stillborn. I am and was a smoker but my son passed away when I fell down only 1-2 stairs and I freaked out and my fiance - her son - basically told me I was being a baby since I was crying so I tried to minimize what happened.

I'm positive she did what she did intentionally. Why doesn't he even bother to say anything or atleast tell me " im sorry baby my mom was wrong you have every right to be upset I understand". Instead he ignored me and told me I always started problems, etc., I think hes a mamas boy or Im atleast starting to!! (his dad cheated on and left his mom for another woman and his mom seems to be a narcissist so she hasnt let go of him - my fiance - CLeARLY! She wouldnt even let me over for the first christmas after our son was stillborn then all of a sudden she said she wanted to put differences aside so she could see Natalie but she didn't say ANYTHINGGGG to me AT ALL kind or apologizing or even tryibg to make things right the entire time I was depressed after I lost my son OR while I was doing everything possible to make sure my babygirl was healthy and happy (she had vasa previa and velamentous cord) my son had VCI and/or VP too I believe.. I was told my the ob to follow up on a "partial placenta previa" at 18 weeks pregnant with my son and the old ob when I was pg with him told me it was exteemely rare and never ordered anyyy follow up u/s as recommended on paper!

I HATE her! I know for a fact she wants my fiance and I to breakup. She manipulates him so easily its sickening.

Well thats a different situation altogether and completely unacceptable. It sounds like this is deep rooted and because of that you are on the defense and 'looking' for reasons to be upset by her. I think you need to be having a frank talk with OH about supporting you a bit more.

 

[noon_child]

His mom also lied to the funeral home after our son, Hunter, was stillborn at 33 weeks in Sept 2016. My babygirl was born October 2017 so she never wanted anything to do with me and she literally had the funeral home mail the death certificate to her house because she lied to them about where my fiance lived (weve lived together for almost 5 years now and started dating over 7 years ago). She showed my fiance OUR sons death certificate and opened it atleat 2 days earlier (the env. tamp date proved this) and tried to blame me for our son being stillborn. I am and was a smoker but my son passed away when I fell down only 1-2 stairs and I freaked out and my fiance - her son - basically told me I was being a baby since I was crying so I tried to minimize what happened.

I'm positive she did what she did intentionally. Why doesn't he even bother to say anything or atleast tell me " im sorry baby my mom was wrong you have every right to be upset I understand". Instead he ignored me and told me I always started problems, etc., I think hes a mamas boy or Im atleast starting to!! (his dad cheated on and left his mom for another woman and his mom seems to be a narcissist so she hasnt let go of him - my fiance - CLeARLY! She wouldnt even let me over for the first christmas after our son was stillborn then all of a sudden she said she wanted to put differences aside so she could see Natalie but she didn't say ANYTHINGGGG to me AT ALL kind or apologizing or even tryibg to make things right the entire time I was depressed after I lost my son OR while I was doing everything possible to make sure my babygirl was healthy and happy (she had vasa previa and velamentous cord) my son had VCI and/or VP too I believe.. I was told my the ob to follow up on a "partial placenta previa" at 18 weeks pregnant with my son and the old ob when I was pg with him told me it was exteemely rare and never ordered anyyy follow up u/s as recommended on paper!

I HATE her! I know for a fact she wants my fiance and I to breakup. She manipulates him so easily its sickening.

Well thats a different situation altogether and completely unacceptable. It sounds like this is deep rooted and because of that you are on the defense and 'looking' for reasons to be upset by her.

Agree totally. This shouldn't be about your MIL , because as horrible as her behaviour has been, this should be about you because you deserve the energy that is going in to hating her being directed towards HEALING, GRIEVING, and COMFORTING you.

Be compassionate to yourself, feel deserving of what you need and ask for it, give yourself time and space to grieve and debrief about everything that happened with your beautiful son. Seek counselling if necessary (if there is too much for friends and family to help with). Don't give that precious energy to this woman when you need it for yourself.

 

[HSDR2017]

AFter hearing a bit of our history, does anyone else think they would be upset and want her to never come around again? I realize now how toxic she is so I am cutting her out of Natalie's life forever.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

Wait you fell down the stairs when you were pregnant and your OH told you you were being a baby?

I’d be rid of him and as a result of that, the MIL as well (although the picture thing honestly wouldn’t have bothered me)

 

[sethsmummy]

the photo thing wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest... my mil and fil took photos of just my husband with our son when they visited him the first time. He is their son and they want to celebrate him becoming a dad.

The other things though.. im so sorry for your loss. After what she did that time she wouldn't have been in my life to start with xx

 

[bounceyboo]

It wouldnt have bothered me. Whats wrong with her wanting some photos of just her Son and Granddaughter alone?

I agree pick and choose your battles

 

[KatBar]

AFter hearing a bit of our history, does anyone else think they would be upset and want her to never come around again? I realize now how toxic she is so I am cutting her out of Natalie's life forever.

To be honest, hearing your story, I feel your mil AND fiancé sound toxic.. Him calling you a baby for being upset is a huge red flag that he doesn’t care greatly about your feelings - highlighted also by the fact this was at the time you lost your son.
If it were me, I wouldn’t want either of them in my life.. But obviously now also having a daughter together, you will always be part of each other’s lives.
Not trying to be harsh at all, but if you and your fiancé stay together, you probably are just going to have to be let go of things like this photo issue. I doubt your MIL will see any different if you attempt to bring it up with her, and doesn’t sound like your fiancé cares too much about it. That really only leaves you having to drop it and move on.

 

[amotherslove]

the photo thing wouldnt bother me in the least. in fact i wouldnt even really want to have my picture taken at all. but your fiancee sounds like a jerk tbh.

 

[crazy4baby09]

I understand you being upset, my inlaws are the same way. They only wanted pictures of my husband and my kids. It even went to the point of them covering up my face in our family portrait that we gave them and cropping me out of pictures with my son. Before we had kids I had a decent relationship with the inlaws (there were still some backhanded comments from them at times, or irritation that I wasnt babying thier son etc) but overall I enjoyed seeing them. We struggled with infertility so it took 6 yrs to get our son. While I was pregnant the mil would make crazy comments that put up some red flags. Comments about doing a nursery for my son in her home, all the things she was going to do with my baby ( all of which she decribed is what a mother taking care her own baby does) I tried to nicely tell her that I will be the ine taking care of my baby as I will be a stay at home mom. I tried to be as kind as I could in telling her things would be different than with her first grandchild (who was born to a teen mom and they helped with him a lot, I was in my late 20s when I had my son.) They kept telling me I dont know how I will feel etc. After he was born (same day) she started theatrics posting things bad about me in facebook because she wasnt getting what she wanted etc. They demanded to see my son at least 3-4 times a week and told me I wasnt loving if they didnt get it. At first my husband didnt see how hateful they were to me, it didnt take long for him to see it though. Thankfully he put his foot down and now they are no longer allowed in our lives. You and your fiance need to get on the same page and he needs to support you as the mother of your kid and not chose the parent over you. I hope things work out for you.