MIL Troubles Anyone?

[moter98]

I have never had in-law problems before and we actually get along really great. I feel like I have a second mother......until we shared our news early of #3 with just our parents. It was clear that we were not announcing to anyone else until we were ready, for sure not until 2nd trimester. My MIL even said to me, this is your big announcement to make and you should announce to everyone when you are ready.

We had a hard time with #1 being born with a birth defect and with #2 I had 2nd trimester bleeding and basically we weren't sure if things would be alright.....he was! So, for #3 I feel very cautious and wasn't ready to announce yet. I have just found out this week that my in-laws WHOLE entire family knows our news because my in-laws could not keep the secret. Apparently they made it just 1 week until they started sharing our news. I am hurt and upset about this and just so disappointed. I thought we had a better relationship than this and I feel like I cannot trust them anymore! Not sure what I'm looking for here, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

 

[MummyToAmberx]

Ill join you. im so sorry youve gone through this too its very upsetting and annoying

hubby wanted to tell his parents i asked him to wait but he wanted to (was never keen other 2 times) so i agreed.
Only his dad dropped kids back off after early scan so his dad passed news on to his mum.
His dad did say they'd tell 1 of his nans which i was fine about as shes in home.
His parents went out with his bro and wife next night and his wife said she'd seen id been in hosp asked if i was okay.
Now i didnt think hes mother would have actually said anything being our news but nope she told them.
We were planning on telling other grandparents but got delayed due me being so sick, in the end hubby took girls over to see them and tell them without me but his parents told them only days earlier
I went to hosp for my scan and seen hubby anutie of course she knew by that point i was fuming.

 

[moter98]

I'm not the only one then! What is it about secrets that people can't keep, ha. Just don't get it cause we told them early with #2 and as far as I know they kept the secret then.....unless I just didn't hear about it that time. Is very out of character for them and our relationship. Will tread a bit lightly from now on.

 

[Rickles]

I can't even trust my own mother!! When I was preg with DD I told her at 8 weeks and asked her not to say a word. 2 days later I got a facebook message from an old family friend in California saying congrats! (We live in the UK!)...

I called her to ask if she'd told anyone she said of course not - was interesting listening to her squirm out of that one!! She then confessed to telling another 3/4 friends in the UK!!!

If you can, take a deep breath and appreciate the fact she is excited... it's bloody annoying and I was really peed off - but OH did say, at least she is interested and excited and she didn't post it on fb or "announce" to the world.

This time round she blatantly told both my brothers - denies it of course!!!!

 

[lj2245]

When I was expecting my 1yo I had had DS1, an ectopic pregnancy and a MMC so natrually I was sceptical that the pregnancy would result in a baby. We were having early scans every week from 6-12 weeks to make sure everything was ok and because I am my Dads carer, I told him because I had terrible MS and had to get outside help to clean his house. My husband insisted we tell his Mum and although things had been frosty between us since our wedding (my LMP was on my wedding day so it hadn't been long, she basically made a nuisance of herself on my wedding day and in the run up), I agreed he could tell her but she was to be told not to tell a soul or we would never share anything with her again.

Fast forward 2 days and she is on the phone to us shouting and bawling about why we should tell DH's brother, why it's not fair that he doesn't know....tears, blackmail, etc etc. I told her if she told him she would never see us again (she only understands the extreme threats) and that it was our news to share and we would share it when WE were ready. At this point we were only 8w and I had been bleeding. She actually said to me 'oh I don't know what you are worrying about, it will be fine.' If I could strangle someone down a phoneline I'm not sure she would be here today, and I would most certainly be doing time.

Anyway. My baby is now 1 year old and despite this (and the fact she DID tell all 5 of her sisters), she has been a bit of a godsend since we had the baby. When I got out of hospital she had arranged for flowers and a take away to be delivered to the house, she came over whenever needed and helped out too. We get along a lot better and I have finally learned how to handle her.

MILs are a nightmare. I would tell your MIL that you are very disappointed in them for not being able to be trusted with such a valuable secret and just leave it at that. Let them stew on it and see if they apologise.

 

[Nina83]

Our parents are actually really good at keeping secrets, and it's kind of a shock actually!
We only told our parents we had a second MC, and honestly none of DH's siblings know.
Since we've had some losses, they actually get us not wanting to tell anyone yet. My Mom is also really good at keeping secrets, I don't think she told anyone even her closest friends my sister was expecting until she actually gave birth!
DH's sister is a "know-it-all-before-it-happens" so I foresee her asking MIL. I wonder what will happen then!

 

[pinkcatgirl]

We haven't told either set of parents yet! Although I have accidentally told 3 friends, 2 siblings, 4 of my husbands colleagues and my daughter nursery! I am totally rubbish at keeping my mouth shut this time round!

It is frustrating when people tell though, I sometimes think that they don't appreciate that whilst it is a happy thing to talk about, if it goes wrong you might not want all those people to talk about you having a miscarriage.

 

[moter98]

I can't even trust my own mother!! When I was preg with DD I told her at 8 weeks and asked her not to say a word. 2 days later I got a facebook message from an old family friend in California saying congrats! (We live in the UK!)...

I called her to ask if she'd told anyone she said of course not - was interesting listening to her squirm out of that one!! She then confessed to telling another 3/4 friends in the UK!!!

If you can, take a deep breath and appreciate the fact she is excited... it's bloody annoying and I was really peed off - but OH did say, at least she is interested and excited and she didn't post it on fb or "announce" to the world.

This time round she blatantly told both my brothers - denies it of course!!!!

Thank you and you are probably right, they were just so excited. No one expected us to have another so I'm sure this time it was such big news to them they couldn't resist.

 

[moter98]

When I was expecting my 1yo I had had DS1, an ectopic pregnancy and a MMC so natrually I was sceptical that the pregnancy would result in a baby. We were having early scans every week from 6-12 weeks to make sure everything was ok and because I am my Dads carer, I told him because I had terrible MS and had to get outside help to clean his house. My husband insisted we tell his Mum and although things had been frosty between us since our wedding (my LMP was on my wedding day so it hadn't been long, she basically made a nuisance of herself on my wedding day and in the run up), I agreed he could tell her but she was to be told not to tell a soul or we would never share anything with her again.

Fast forward 2 days and she is on the phone to us shouting and bawling about why we should tell DH's brother, why it's not fair that he doesn't know....tears, blackmail, etc etc. I told her if she told him she would never see us again (she only understands the extreme threats) and that it was our news to share and we would share it when WE were ready. At this point we were only 8w and I had been bleeding. She actually said to me 'oh I don't know what you are worrying about, it will be fine.' If I could strangle someone down a phoneline I'm not sure she would be here today, and I would most certainly be doing time.

Anyway. My baby is now 1 year old and despite this (and the fact she DID tell all 5 of her sisters), she has been a bit of a godsend since we had the baby. When I got out of hospital she had arranged for flowers and a take away to be delivered to the house, she came over whenever needed and helped out too. We get along a lot better and I have finally learned how to handle her.

MILs are a nightmare. I would tell your MIL that you are very disappointed in them for not being able to be trusted with such a valuable secret and just leave it at that. Let them stew on it and see if they apologise.

We had a couple losses and a long journey to get DS#2 as well and that's why I am so paranoid this time. My MIL knows about this, I think other people just may not understand the worry and think all will be fine so why not tell the world.