MIL - what I want to do!

[LittleBoSheep]

I was chatting with my MIL and brought up the fact that if it's a boy that me and my husband[her son] will have to sit down and decide together whether or not we would get him circumcised while I was just talking about trying to get hubby more involved!

She gets all upset and tells me that if it's a boy I should get it done because it's "cleaner" and starts ticking off all of these things telling me that "it doesn't hurt the baby" this and that and I felt like she was attacking me because I even considered not circumcising.

I haven't made up my mind yet because it is something my husband and I will research together and decide on just me and him if it even is a boy.

Then she goes on to say that it will be hard for the boy to keep it clean and that it will be like telling a kid to clean behind their ears!

at this point I am trying to defend myself from her attacks on my judgment! I'm saying that it's not any cleaner since it self cleans and you don't clean anything more than what shows, and that I will teach my son how to clean it and will monitor his cleaning if I have to!

Am I wrong to feel like she was attacking me!? She was so stern about it! Now I am scared to even bring up ANYTHING else!

Just like when I brought up breastfeeding and not wanting to use bottles and wanting to feed straight from the breast! She got upset saying I must be silly to think I wont use bottles [but that is not what I said!!!!] I understand that if I have to leave baby with someone else I will need to pump and have bottles on hand as well as formula on hand just in case, but I just feel like she is trying to push me to do things the way she wants and it's just starting to upset me.

I am thinking about not even talking to her about it next time or I am just going to put my foot down and say flat out that THIS is how I am doing it.

I have already told her that all of this is for ME and BABY to figure out together, not for someone else to waltz in and try to tell me how I SHOULD do it!!!!

Should I just not talk to her about it all? I mean... I want someone to talk to, but I didn't ask for her opinion! This is going to be my baby and is going to be raised the way I want him/her to be!!! She has had her chance to raise her son! Let me have mine!

 

[NuKe]

mothers think their way is the right way, it's why we choose to do things the way each of us do them! some are militant and "my way is the BEST and ONLY way". just tell her "it's our decision, if we want your advice we'll ask for it" or failing that just tell her to shut up!

 

[LittleBoSheep]

mothers think their way is the right way, it's why we choose to do things the way each of us do them! some are militant and "my way is the BEST and ONLY way". just tell her "it's our decision, if we want your advice we'll ask for it" or failing that just tell her to shut up!

great answer!
I feel scared to even bring up anything, again!

 

[Mummy Bean]

i think it quite a common trait in both MIL and Mothers - they think they are just providing opion when actually there dictating.

The Joy of having a child is it is your child and you and your OH can bring them up however ever you want.

You sound very resaonable in researching into stuff before making a decision - dont let her bully you.

I had to ask my MIL to take a step back - and yes she had 5 kids, but this was mine. After she said she didnt even realise her tone - and she only wanted help - so i asked her to help by supporting by decision not telling me that not how she did.

 

[Jaylynne]

It simply isn't her call or place to dictate those decisions. Since you brought it up, she had every right to give an opinion, but not to attack you and try to shove her beliefs down your throat as if that's going to make you more receptive to her views. I will be circumcising our son as that is my husbands wish and that's the normal in our area. Of course I've researched as well. Basically, it's not her place to dictate.

 

[Tacey]

I think you need to be firm early on. A quick look in Baby Club will show you how overbearing MILs can be, and she needs to know that you're the one making decisions. She made choices for her children, and your decisions aren't any reflection on hers (I think that's where a lot of the tension comes from with these things.) but you're better off sorting it out now rather than when the baby comes.

 

[Takara]

I'm not sure if this is valid in all counties but in the west midlands parents can't "choose" circumcision for their child. It is no longer provided on the nhs, here anyway.

I have a friend whose year old son has difficulty having a wee because his foreskin is so tight. But his parents can't get him circumcised on the NHS despite his problem. You now have to wait 5years to see if the problem corrects itself.

Like I said it might not be the same everywhere but there is something to tell the MIL. It's not your or her decision.

Xx

 

[Futuremommy1]

I was chatting with my MIL and brought up the fact that if it's a boy that me and my husband[her son] will have to sit down and decide together whether or not we would get him circumcised while I was just talking about trying to get hubby more involved!

She gets all upset and tells me that if it's a boy I should get it done because it's "cleaner" and starts ticking off all of these things telling me that "it doesn't hurt the baby" this and that and I felt like she was attacking me because I even considered not circumcising.

I haven't made up my mind yet because it is something my husband and I will research together and decide on just me and him if it even is a boy.

Then she goes on to say that it will be hard for the boy to keep it clean and that it will be like telling a kid to clean behind their ears!

at this point I am trying to defend myself from her attacks on my judgment! I'm saying that it's not any cleaner since it self cleans and you don't clean anything more than what shows, and that I will teach my son how to clean it and will monitor his cleaning if I have to!

Am I wrong to feel like she was attacking me!? She was so stern about it! Now I am scared to even bring up ANYTHING else!

Just like when I brought up breastfeeding and not wanting to use bottles and wanting to feed straight from the breast! She got upset saying I must be silly to think I wont use bottles [but that is not what I said!!!!] I understand that if I have to leave baby with someone else I will need to pump and have bottles on hand as well as formula on hand just in case, but I just feel like she is trying to push me to do things the way she wants and it's just starting to upset me.

I am thinking about not even talking to her about it next time or I am just going to put my foot down and say flat out that THIS is how I am doing it.

I have already told her that all of this is for ME and BABY to figure out together, not for someone else to waltz in and try to tell me how I SHOULD do it!!!!

Should I just not talk to her about it all? I mean... I want someone to talk to, but I didn't ask for her opinion! This is going to be my baby and is going to be raised the way I want him/her to be!!! She has had her chance to raise her son! Let me have mine!

My best friend went off on me when I mentioned I was going cd. I simply told her at the end of her rant, good thing this is my child not hers and said that's the last we will discuss the subject. It makes me sad cause she's pg too but I refuse to argue with ANYONE but my DH about baby related decisions

I would tell her if she mentions it again that it's not up to her but thanks for her opinion then talk about something else. And discuss this topic with those who won't impose their "strong" opinions on you.

 

[sandilion]

I certainly wouldn't speak about it with her anymore - or anything to do with the baby as it's not up to her, she has had her time with her children, don't let her try to dictate with your children as well.

If she can't be respectful of the fact this is your child and it's your decision, then she doesn't deserve to be involved with any decision making.

 

[xxchloexx]

I do get the same kind of comments from my MIL aswell, not about circumcision though I live in Ireland we dont actually get it done here with boys , Ive never known or seen one done even lol , But i no how annoying MILS get , they think its their child again. Mine even told me what bottles I "had" to get and how she was going to make me food for the baby when i started spoon feeding. I just cant stand how she feels its anything to do with her. Ive put my foot down now though , Told her ill do my own food thank you very much and i went and bought the bottles i wanted. Wish they would just be happy we are giving them grandchildren and not feel the need to tell us how to raise them. XX

 

[sandilion]

Yeah i have zero tolerance with being told how to raise my baby unless i ask for the advice.

Us women have a natural instinct and we should be allowed to follow it, when we want guidance we'll bloody well ask for it! Until then, they can back off.