LittleAngels5
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- Jun 18, 2010
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I am so so sorry for anyone who might of lost a child, its so unfair,
I Had a miscarriage in 2002 and a cot death in 1997.
his name was ben, he was a huge healthy baby, at 9lb 1ounce, and I had a a 3rd degree tear, and had 52 stitches, and had to have a blood transfusion too, I was so poorly after the birth, but I suppose everyone remember their first birth,
the baby was 10wks and he was sleeping right next to me, I just took a nap and snuggled him and when I woke in the same position he was gone, my baby was gone, taken from me,
I remember seeing a fortune teller before baby was born, and what she said stuck in my head, she knew it was a boy (which I knew she could of had a good guess) but she then said I would not keep the baby, but she wouldn't say why, that left me shook up.
the day he died was the worst day of my life, because I knew a sister (nun) she arranged for me to see my little boy for a while,
so I did get a chance to say goodbye to him, allot of parents don't get this chance, because they go to the hospital and then that's it so I was very privileged, he was taken to a children hospice and was put in a little child's rainbow room, (like a very cold nursery) where I was allowed to go and see him and hold him when I wanted to, I stayed in one of the apartments across the garden, and was really looked after,
we had the funeral at the hospice chapel, and the staff changed him into his nice clothes, his dad never saw him alive, only when he died, I had a open coffin because some of my family never seen ben while he was alive.
so you see I spent 6 days with the baby, although I did tend to be a little nervous of picking the baby up all the time because he was so cold, it didn't look like my ben, but I held him while the staff were with me,
when they changed him into his clothes I saw a huge stitch all the way up his body and behind his head. I will never forget it.
no mother should ever bury their child, its just not fair.
no matter how many years have gone by the pain never has gone away or healed, the only reason I learned to live with it, is because I have 4 other children now, and they don't let me sit and think about the pain.
he was such a good baby, he hardly cried at all, and was so content,
but 2 days before he died he had a whooping cough vaccine jab, and I objected to this, but it was done without me knowing until I saw his medical record a few weeks later, and after the vaccine he developed a bit of a flu cold, and went off his bottles,
after ben died I had a very bad time,I was rushed in hospital with a overdose of codeine, where I almost died and was unconscious for 2 days, I was lucky to survive the overdose, I was kept in a psychiatric ward for 3 months,
then 2 months later I tried to cut my wrists on Xmas eve,
so I took myself back into hospital for my own safety, I felt my world was about to come crashing down on me. and that my life was over,
the miscarriage I had was in 2002, I was 10wks pregnant the baby was born on September 11th (what a day to be told your due date)
I banged myself into the front door, bringing shopping home, I didn't think anything of it, until the next day, valentines day. Feb 14th, (so I lost the baby on the day when everyone is full of love.
having a miscarriage was horrible, I decided not to have a d&c afterwards, so I went home from the hospital, they advised me against it, so when I went home, a day or 2 later a bled and bled, and the pain was like labour,
my hubby rushed to the casualty into hospital it was that bad.
I thought I was going to die, the nurses gave me pethadine just like when you are in labour, I wont go into detail about what happened in the hospital because its scary for anyone reading about it.
my hubby thought he was losing me, I never seen him look more scared and upset.
I know the feeling of loss, and I feel for anyone who may have gone through losing a child, a couple of months later I got pregnant again and had a successful pregnancy and got a little boy, then I had 2 girls after that one, so you should never feel hopeless about having more, you just feel more protective over your bump,
people told me that's it wasn't meant to be, but I just got so angry about that,
but I do believe it makes you a stronger person, so hold in there,
just don't hold any feeling in, let your emotions out.
Best regards
Michelle xxx
I Had a miscarriage in 2002 and a cot death in 1997.
his name was ben, he was a huge healthy baby, at 9lb 1ounce, and I had a a 3rd degree tear, and had 52 stitches, and had to have a blood transfusion too, I was so poorly after the birth, but I suppose everyone remember their first birth,
the baby was 10wks and he was sleeping right next to me, I just took a nap and snuggled him and when I woke in the same position he was gone, my baby was gone, taken from me,
I remember seeing a fortune teller before baby was born, and what she said stuck in my head, she knew it was a boy (which I knew she could of had a good guess) but she then said I would not keep the baby, but she wouldn't say why, that left me shook up.
the day he died was the worst day of my life, because I knew a sister (nun) she arranged for me to see my little boy for a while,
so I did get a chance to say goodbye to him, allot of parents don't get this chance, because they go to the hospital and then that's it so I was very privileged, he was taken to a children hospice and was put in a little child's rainbow room, (like a very cold nursery) where I was allowed to go and see him and hold him when I wanted to, I stayed in one of the apartments across the garden, and was really looked after,
we had the funeral at the hospice chapel, and the staff changed him into his nice clothes, his dad never saw him alive, only when he died, I had a open coffin because some of my family never seen ben while he was alive.
so you see I spent 6 days with the baby, although I did tend to be a little nervous of picking the baby up all the time because he was so cold, it didn't look like my ben, but I held him while the staff were with me,
when they changed him into his clothes I saw a huge stitch all the way up his body and behind his head. I will never forget it.
no mother should ever bury their child, its just not fair.
no matter how many years have gone by the pain never has gone away or healed, the only reason I learned to live with it, is because I have 4 other children now, and they don't let me sit and think about the pain.
he was such a good baby, he hardly cried at all, and was so content,
but 2 days before he died he had a whooping cough vaccine jab, and I objected to this, but it was done without me knowing until I saw his medical record a few weeks later, and after the vaccine he developed a bit of a flu cold, and went off his bottles,
after ben died I had a very bad time,I was rushed in hospital with a overdose of codeine, where I almost died and was unconscious for 2 days, I was lucky to survive the overdose, I was kept in a psychiatric ward for 3 months,
then 2 months later I tried to cut my wrists on Xmas eve,
so I took myself back into hospital for my own safety, I felt my world was about to come crashing down on me. and that my life was over,
the miscarriage I had was in 2002, I was 10wks pregnant the baby was born on September 11th (what a day to be told your due date)
I banged myself into the front door, bringing shopping home, I didn't think anything of it, until the next day, valentines day. Feb 14th, (so I lost the baby on the day when everyone is full of love.
having a miscarriage was horrible, I decided not to have a d&c afterwards, so I went home from the hospital, they advised me against it, so when I went home, a day or 2 later a bled and bled, and the pain was like labour,
my hubby rushed to the casualty into hospital it was that bad.
I thought I was going to die, the nurses gave me pethadine just like when you are in labour, I wont go into detail about what happened in the hospital because its scary for anyone reading about it.
my hubby thought he was losing me, I never seen him look more scared and upset.
I know the feeling of loss, and I feel for anyone who may have gone through losing a child, a couple of months later I got pregnant again and had a successful pregnancy and got a little boy, then I had 2 girls after that one, so you should never feel hopeless about having more, you just feel more protective over your bump,
people told me that's it wasn't meant to be, but I just got so angry about that,
but I do believe it makes you a stronger person, so hold in there,
just don't hold any feeling in, let your emotions out.
Best regards
Michelle xxx
