Miscarriage at 13 weeks

[Niccal]

Hi all,

I miscarried in June of this year at 13 weeks and I'm still struggling to come to terms with it all. It was my first pregnancy after almost a year of trying and we were so excited.

My first scan was booked for a Friday but on the Monday before, I started spotting, then it got heavier and it was bright red blood. Because my scan day was so close, my doctor told me there was nothing they could do until my scan and as long as the bleeding wasn't so heavy I was filling a pad in an hour I had to wait.

That was the longest week of my life so far, fearing the worst but hoping for the best. I stayed off work, because activity made the bleeding worse, but deep down I think I knew. By then I wasn't even feeling pregnant any more.

The scan showed what we had been dreading, there was an empty sac and it was misshapen. I had to have a blood test to check my hormone levels and was asked to go back for another test on the Sunday.

I had to keep control of myself all the way home from the hospital - we'd had to go by train because there'd been a major accident on the road to the hospital and the roads were gridlocked. I still don't know how I held it together, my husband held my hand all the way back, then when we got home we had to break the news to everyone who knew we were going for the scan. I rang my mum and could barely speak, she heard me crying and I managed to ask her to come round. Then I just cried. We had to break the news to everyone else by text message.

I went back to work far too soon, I didn't realise that I wasn't ok and when the numbness wore off I broke down at work and ended up being signed off sick.

It took ages for my hormone levels to drop and I've only just had my first period. It's lasted nine days so far and I'm still bleeding, I was warned that the first period could be heavy, but I didn't expect it to feel as though I was miscarrying again.

This week has been really hard, there seem to be so many pregnant women at work at the moment and I can't even look at them!

I think I just needed to share what happened, I need to know if I'm alone in feeling like I do. I still feel so angry and upset. At times I feel like the whole thing was a dream and I was never actually pregnant in the first place. So confusing. It seemed so cruel that at the time we should have been showing off scan pictures, we had to tell our families we'd lost the baby. I'm lucky that my husband has been so amazing, he's never tried to tell me everything will be ok, how can it? We lost our baby. He just holds me when I cry and tells me we'll get through it together.

My heart goes out to everyone who has gone through the pain of losing their child. No one should have to go through this.

 

[tj1980]

I'm so sorry for your loss. And no you are not feeling alone at all. I'm going through a mc at the moment and it is just so difficult. Before going through this myself I always thought how could you become attached to something so quickly? But now I know. I was 5 weeks when first had spotting but you mentally prepare yourself for months before if TTC so it's been ages I'd been wanting it. I now would've been 8 +6 days and have been bleeding for a week and these last three weeks have been the longest time of my life. Every minute just drags.

But I do believe that with time things will become easier...well I just hope that is true. But we're lucky we have such caring partners to ease the burden with in the mean time. Take care of yourself xx

 

[hippylittlej]

It is tough, it is painful and it sucks.

Like you we tried for nearly a year and were so excited about the baby. We went through a miscarriage as just over 10 weeks. That was just under three weeks ago.

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. I'm finding that sharing my thoughts with people is helping me a great deal. More people know about the miscarriage than knew about the baby. One of my pregnant friends has been amazing, she isn't visiting and said she understands this would be painful for me but keeps sending me lovely messages.

Everything you are going through is perfectly normal, you will always remember your baby but the pain will become less as time goes on I am sure.

love and light

Jen x

 

[zelda]

give yourself enough time to grieve , its hard whatever time you lose a pregnancy.

 

[ncmommy]

So sorry for your loss! You are not alone in your feelings. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband for support!

 

[Pippin]

so sorry love

 

[Lucky4]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am lucky that I knew about my miscarriages before the 13 week scan because I can only imagine how awful it must be to go fir the scan and get such an awful shock.
I also went straight back to work and after a few weeks developed really bad anxiety/ panic attacks. I felt I should have been stronger and pulled myself together. I slowly felt better although the due date was another bad time. I have a memory box with a scan picture( the baby wasn't alive but still a comfort to have something to see) and an outfit, toy and the letter from the gynae explaining chromosomal analysis after. I also bought something for the due date. Take time to grieve, it is normal and healthy. I felt better within about 6-7 months, though I found the start of every period difficult because I was ttc. Take care

 

[Niccal]

Thank you so much for your replies, it does help knowing there are people who understand but equally I'm so sorry for your losses.

My family have been wonderful, but there is no history of miscarriage so I have felt alone in that sense.

As the weeks have passed I've found that it does get a little easier, but some days I still feel so incredibly low and it hurts so much. Unfortunately I don't have anything concrete to remember the baby, I'm planning on getting a tattoo soon not sure what of, but something with stars and hearts.

We plan on TTC again as soon as my period is over and I'm feeling quite apprehensive about it, but also hopeful.

Thank you again and take care