MisCarriage at 17 weeks :(

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Kardashianw, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. Kardashianw

    Kardashianw TTC number 3

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    My sister had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and it was the saddest part of our lives ever.
    What she and I want to know is when she had the miscarriage they just took the baby away. They didn't tell her what sex it was, or what was the cause of the loss. They havnt even gave her a follow up appointment. This is quite devastating as we would like know what where when and how.

    Any suggestions as to where we could go to get some answers. Seems like the hospital just treated it as "another loss".
     
  2. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    I don't have an answer for you... has she tried to call the doctor, maybe he can give her some guidance on it? I am so sorry for what your sister, yourself and your family must be going through. I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  3. jsowar

    jsowar Member

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    I am so sorry. Wow, I would want answers too. I would start with her primary dr or the dr who worked with her at the hospital. I am really shocked they did not discuss or talk about what happened/the reasons. I would of thought they would do testing to determine what happened or at least try to, but I am assuming she would have had to sign paperwork to consent for that. Hopefully, you all will get all the answers you want and need, if not I wouldn't stop until I had them. There is no reason for her not to have her questions and concerns answered and addressed.
     
  4. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    i can't believe that they would do that... i am so so sorry.. i had my lily at home so we had her cremated.. i am so shocked they would just whisk her/him away..i couldnt even stand to drop her off at the funeral home.. i just wanted to die.
     
  5. lisacn

    lisacn Well-Known Member

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    Go back to the hospital and tell them you need answers, I thought they gave you the option on whether you wanted to bury the baby yourself. They should have told her what she had and that she should have been offered the opportunity to see the baby and hold it. They should also have done some investigations as it is not common to lose a baby in the 2nd trimester. This treatment is appalling and totally unacceptable

    So sorry for her loss x
     
  6. MissingRyder

    MissingRyder Active Member

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    This is heartbreaking .... Many women need this closure.... they need the ability to see, hold and touch their babies. The hospital she delivered at should be able to answer some of these questions. Praying for comfort and peace .....
     
  7. aanamber

    aanamber New Member

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    It really does depend on a lot of things. Did she miscarry naturally? Was she induced? Did she have a D&C/D&E? These would be very important. My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. One was a missed miscarriage that was not discovered until 16 weeks and the other was a blighted ovum that was found at 8 weeks. In each case, I chose to have the D&C. For me, this was the best choice emotionally. Anyhow, I could not see my baby either time (in the blighted ovum there was no longer a baby). They couldn't even tell me the sex of the child in the first one. If the remains are sent to pathology, they should be able to find out. But, unfortunately, if it is a first time miscarriage, they don't do that very often.

    As for why...sometimes you just never know. I still do not know why my first two pregnancies ended the way they did. Both times, I tested healthy. I'm currently in the 17th week of my 3rd pregnancy and hoping that this baby makes it through. Tell your sister to keep her head up. The hurt never stops, even with answers, but you do learn how to move on and live life again. It feels like you'll never smile again, but you will. :hugs:
     
  8. jennijunni

    jennijunni Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry. I too lost a baby at 17 weeks, but I had him at home. If she had a D&E, then I am sorry, but there is nothing you would want to see. The procedure does not get the baby out in a manner that you can look or hold him. I am sorry to say that. If she was induced, then there is no reason at all that she was not able to hold, and look at your baby. I am sorry that you did not get that closure. As far as why it happened. It is so hard to know, sometimes there is no reason at all. I just had my second 2nd trimester loss in a row, and we dont have any answers. Sometimes there are not ever any answers. I am so sorry for your loss, it is something that changes you forever. Grieve, and be a strong support for your wife, and just love her, and hold her, and comfort her. She may take out her anger on you, but dont take it personally, the anger is just so much to keep in sometimes. Lots of prayers, and love coming your way. Again, I am so, so sorry.
     

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