miscarriage...

[heleninaseb]

I've just had my first and hopefully only miscarriage on the 4th of april
I feel kind of dead
I cry
I am angry
I am hopeless at times
I hurt to have to wait.
my doctor said to wait a month to try again but the doctor at the hospital said three because I lost lots of blood and my uterus needed to heal.

how will my soul heal?
no baby this year.

I am 30.
I am not 20 anymore.
I dont have the same energy.
and I have depressive tendencies and anxiety disorder.
I am dealing as much as I can with them.

I have always wanted to be a mother, because I adore babies/children and Family is a real deep value to me.
my love was younger and we were poor jobless and all so we waited.
I had depression in the waiting.
Because inside of me it was screaming how I was ready to become a mom and how it would bring a real meaning to this existence.

Is it so bad to want a baby?
It's not just for me!
I have much love to give.so much.

We are still poor and it was the law of series, we had many troubles lately and I got depressed and the final nightmare was the emergency room and curettage.
losing my dream of a healthy baby, losing my hopes, losing my self confidence...
I didn t have much of it already but feeling pregnant made me feel proud and capable.
knowing I could do it, could nurture a life inside...

and now I am empty again.

I know it's not a community about miscarriage, sorry to bother you guys, but like most of you I really want a baby and I cannot stand the wait and it hurts so bad to hear baby laughters and to see them on tv, in shops etc...I wish it could happen to me finally.
am I asking too much to this life?

thanks for listening

 

[third time]

Wow - helen I really feel for you. 30 isn't that old hun.

I remember how I felt after my first MC, it's feels as if you're at rock bottom and can't get back up, but honestly it does start to get better. Recover at your rate, not the rate people expect you to. Talk - it's really important, don't bottle your feelings up - on here if you have to. You will know how your body feels, if the doctors says 3 months then you should probably listen to that, however, don't worry if it's before. The only reason you're told to wait one month normaly is so the midwives can keep track of your dates more easily!!

Good for the furture and keep trying xx

 

[heleninaseb]

thank you for the kind words.much appreciated.
xo

 

[dan-o]

Helen, I am so sorry to read this, I could have written the same words myself as it's just how I'm feeling.

Sending you lots of

 

[heleninaseb]

thanks for the hugs dan_O
when people talk to me it reminds me I am still here, alive even if I feel like a ghost.

 

[mazza2003]

Helen, you will be a mother. This is a setback, abeit an earth shattering one. In trying to get over my ectopic and try to think to the future and get excited about that. Its tough, but think of what will be and not what has happened. There is nothing to suggest that you wont go on to have a fabulous healthy baby! Focus on that. Keep your chin up lovey! XXXXX By the way I am 33, and I am not going to let stand in my way!

 

[Chilli]

Helen, you sound terribley sad. It's verye arly days for you and I undertstand the depth of your despair, but don't give up hope honey. I'm 38 and have just had MC last month, I feel there will be another chance for me and I'm sure for you too. It's a horrible empty feeling, but make sure you talk and it will stop hurting quite so much. Please let us know how you get on

 

[buffycat]

Helen...

no words or actions can heal you from this pain.....all i can hope is that you become strong again and that you don't have to wait too long before getting your bfp.......

i understand how you feel.....this is a horrid time....

take care......

 

[Orange lady]

So sorry for your loss.
I'm 33, lost my first LO in December and OH and I are trying again.
I'm sure it'll happen for us both, and please believe me when I tell you that it does get easier.
x

 

[Laughing Girl]

I feel so sad for you and think I know how bad you are feeling. Loss is a really tough one, but dealing with loss is such an important part of living. You will come through this and will be an even stronger person for it. Just allow yourself to feel terrible and you will heal.
Sending you many healing thoughts

x x x

 

[Baby-Cakes]

Hi Helen,

So sorry for your loss, we are all here if you ever need a chat or rant.

 

[Tracey2008]

Helen I am so sorry hun I know exactly how your feeling I found out today we are in the process of miscarrying again. This will be our fouth I feel like my hearts been torn out. If you need to chat hun I am here x

 

[todteach]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this hun. Sending you big .

As the other girls have said: talking really does help. Aside from being on here, I am also in a closed group therapy to discuss with other couples who have been through just the same. It is really helping my husband and I to also be able to talk to people face to face; I feel that it is helping him more than me, as I have my other outlet: here. Some of my strongest and most raw feelings/emotions have come out here. Please hun: vent away. Let it all out, we're here to listen.