Miscarried and now I want a baby, but we're 20. Advice please?

[maia.r.]

Hi everyone. So I have a long story... unfortunately back in the summer of 2013 when my boyfriend and I were 18 I had miscarriage at about 6-7 weeks. The thing is I didnt tell anyone. Not even my him. I was afraid to tell my parents and my bf had a lot on his plate I didn't want to make his situation more complicated. Not to mention we had just started going out for about 4 months. I didnt tell him about my period being late or the many positive pregnancy tests. I acted like eveything was normal. We're still together, we have been for 2 years now. Within those 2 years we went through a lot but we came out stronger than ever. So hes 20 now and I will be 20 next month. Now for the past several months Ive been feeling so empty. Like the only thing I want is my baby. The worse part is that since I didnt tell anyone about it, I have no one to talk to. I recently talked to my boyfriend about when he wants to have kids and he said no less than 8 years. I don't know what to do. All I want is a baby. I feel like I need to have a baby in my arms... Should I tell him about the miscarriage? Should I tell him that I cant wait much longer? I don't want to scare him away**Is 20 too young to be a mommy? Is it normal to feel this way? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

 

[biscuits104]

I would most definitely tell him. He may not experience the loss the same way that you did (because men don't seem to connect as quickly), but he needs to know and he might change his mind about the 8 years thing. If you want to be with him long-term, you need to tell him how you feel. Honesty is always the best policy - I've been with my husband since we were 19 (we are 33 now). I hope this helps

 

[ItsAWonder]

maia.r - First let me say that I am sorry for your loss. I have had two losses and it's a hard thing to cope with.

You ask if 20 is too young to be a mommy. Well, the answer is not in the age but where you are in life. Are you ready to stop growing as an individual? Are you ready to give up every personal desire for someone else? As a mom life is no longer about you. When you are only 20 you may not realize exactly what you may be missing by having a child.

Although you have been with your partner for 2 years, which may seem like a long time, it's really not. Having a child can put a strain on even the most successful of relationships. If your partner is not ready then you are not ready as a couple. He may love being a dad or he may resent you and your child for moving too fast.

You want a baby to fill a void in your life but that's not what happens. When you have a baby you can easily feel more alone than before. Your life will revolve around your baby's schedule. Not yours. Your friends will be out having fun and you will be home. Your friends will go to school, move to new locations etc. You will be trying to pay your bills, buying diapers and getting pooped on.

When you were pregnant you did not tell your boyfriend or your family. A person who is mature enough to have a child would not have withheld this information. Accidents happen and they can be happy accidents. If you had had your baby I am sure you would have stepped up to the task. However, choosing to go into a pregnancy is a very different story. If were are truly ready to have a baby you would not hesitate to tell your boyfriend. Other people's opinions would not matter.

Being a parent is an amazing and beautiful experience but it's also harder than you can imagine until you are in it.

I recommend speaking to a counselor in your area to see if you are missing a child or if there is another void you are trying to fill.