Missed Miscarriage- feeling lost

[Skoer1360]

Yesterday was our routine 12 week appointment and as the thread states, it didn't exactly go to plan.. Dr first tried finding heartbeat with doppler, then had the mobile u/s machine in and tried an abdominal scan, then did the transvaginal wand camera but couldn't find anything. We were then referred to radiology with the high resolution machine and they did an abdominal and a transvaginal u/s as well. They called the results to my Dr while we waited in her office and the official result was that our baby died at 9+1 even though we were at 12+5..

She gave us the regular options
1) wait it out- though since it has already been 3 weeks she advised against this
2) Mesprosol (I think, I read the packet once and can't bring myself to do it again) to induce miscarriage and she would prescribe pain pills
3) D&C - Outpatient procedure

I think personally, the D&C is probably the best option for me- I don't think I could handle the trauma of passing our baby after having such an overwhelming day like yesterday. It just wasn't what we were expecting.. we were expecting a dancing baby whose photograph we could show the world. We had told all of our family and friends, and announced on facebook because we thought we were safe. No cramps, no bleeding, I didn't even suspect anything was wrong.. I'm just so lost. I don't really know what to do with myself and how am I ever going to be ready to ttc again? I just can't even imagine anything positive right now; I can't stop crying, I feel like laying in bed all day, and I don't want to speak to any friends or family even though they mean well they have NO IDEA what I'm going through. We tried for over 2 years for this baby and we were signing up for IUI's when we found out- it was so surprising and exciting that we could really do it on our own and I just never thought in a million years that this would happen to us after waiting so long. I even had all the nursery items picked out; I ordered carseat covers that are coming in the mail! I have to unregister for so many things in my email. I just really feel like I don't even know where to go emotionally....


Sorry if it's a long read, I'm just so confused and sad and upset right now.. I don't have anyone to talk to that understands

 

[klcuk3]

Awww hun sorry to hear your news xx
I had this exact experience with my first pregnancy x Its so horrible to go through because you're really not prepared at allx As you said you're filled with excitement about seeing the baby and getting pictures then you're brought crashing down x

I had a d&c with that pregnancy and having just gone through a natural mc at 8weeks I would opt for a d&c anytime I feel it was much more traumatic having a natural miscarriage x

Take care and thinking of you xx
Pm me if you want anytime xx

 

[Jazzy85]

So terribly sorry abt ur loss. I completely understand how it feels. The thots are still fresh in my head as last week this time I was waiting in the hospital for my D & C. Although I identified almost immediately at 9 weeks that I am having a miscarriage as my boobs stopped being sore which was the only sign I used to have. Please dont think this is the end of the world. Many ppl say that only the first time arnd its difficult and its pretty easier to conceive the next time and also that we are more fertile after a MMC. Also, the miscarriage risk is lesser the second time arnd. Dont loose hope. I know at this time all v can do is cry, cry till v get sore and the tears dry up. DH was kissing my tiny bump endlessly d night before the surgery. even now when I think of it I am in tears. But things happen. Most Docs say that its natures way of ending a not so healthy pregnancy. Wud we be in a mind set to see our babies suffer with a disability when he/she is born? Cheer up my friend. After a storm comes a calm. You need to decide how to handle the MMC and try to recover soon. the more you grieve, the more time it mite take to conceive again.

 

[amytrisha]

I'm sorry for your loss
A lot of us on here know exactly how you feel so if you need to talk about things were here!
I was thinking about this kinda thing last night, I went through this last month & I passed my baby naturally but if I was to go through another MMC I would personally opt for a D&C. Like you said after suffering the news at the scan it was all a bit 'much' for me & I think I might of handled things better if I could of had a D&C (I passed my baby the night after my scan so didn't have time to book me in for a d&c).

I agree with PP, get yourself on track to recovery. Do what you feel is best & make sure you get lots of rest. It's such a tiring process, physically & emotionally xxx

 

[cupcake1981]

So so sorry for your loss Skoer. MMC really is the hardest hardest thing, I suffered my second one last week in 4 months.

In terms of managing it, I opted for the erpc (like a d & c but a bit less invasive) both times and I am glad that I did. My surgery was last Thursday and on Monday I had a very short but heavy bleed (tmi alert , I was passing clots down the toilet) and it was terrifying. Luckily my mum was home with me to take care of me. From that experience I would say that using the tablets may be very very traumatic for you and at least with the d & c you will get some closure much quicker.

As for falling preg again, I firmly believe like many ladies on here that you are very fertile after a mc - I, and many many other ladies fell pregnant again after 1 AF (sadly I miscarried this baby to but I have been extremely unlucky, most have h&h pregnancies after a mc). You will probably fall again very soon, once your mind and body has healed and is ready for it.

There are lots of ladies on here that have been through a mmc and are here to help and talk to you - I never would have got through mmc no 1 without bnb.

Cry as much as you need and don't put a brave face on, tears are better out than in xxx

 

[Starry Night]

Oh hun, I am so sorry to read your story. It really reminds me of what I went through with my first loss. I spent so many hours just wailing in bed. I felt so empty inside. I had a spontaneous miscarriage at 12 weeks so we also had been telling everything because we were "safe" now. There was no warning. Physically, it was also very tramautizing with blood loss and pain so if you can go for the D&C I do reccommend it. I've never had one so maybe I am only imagining it to be better than a natural but all my losses have been natural and I found them utterly devasting to go through. Yeah, I came through them OK in the end but those were the hardest 5 or 6 hours of my life.

You can always come here to vent. You're not alone.

 

[PinkCupcake]

Hey honey.

Firstly, i'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can relate to every single part of that paragraph. I had a MMC back in June. I never did have a good feeling about the pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant on friday 13th April, what a day.. So for a start, that didn't set me off on the right frame of mind. Then I had a light bleed at 7 weeks, they then booked me in for a scan which I demanded (or they refused to give me one) when I was exactly 8w. The scan was vaginal, and showed our little baby looking perfect with a good heartbeat and everything. You could even see the features starting to become more vague and the baby looked exactly like how they do on a 12 week scan, just smaller.

So then I waited out the next 4 weeks until my 12 week scan finally arrived on June 7. I was DREADING the day. I knew what had happened deep down, and I don't know why. My OH and mum were so excited and I pretended to be, but dreaded it. Although I had a strange feeling that things wasn't okay, I still told myself that I was just preparing for the worst and that I WOULD see my baby bouncing around. We got into the waiting room and it seemed as though we had been in there just two minutes before she called us in, and they normally take so long. It was as if they already knew what had happened. Well she put the thing on my stomach and turned the big screen on where the patients look at what's going on.. And my heart just sunk! The shape of the baby had completely changed, gone, there was no shape anymore, just looked like a rock. I still sat there smiling because I wanted to believe that she was just looking at another part of my stomach first. But she put the thingy back and said those horrible words to me. Then a lady came in and told me those same three options from where to go next. I couldn't even tell you what she said the next day, I was broken.

I didn't want to go through all the pain of a natural m/c, and the possibility of seeing the fetus. I chose to go with the ERPC (Englishterm for D&C) and I would recommend it to anybody.. I was going through so much emotional pain at the time, I didn't need any physical pain and the ERPC didn't bring me any. I didn't ask for any pain killers during the whole time I was in hospital, and didn't use any that they gave me when I got home because it wasn't painful for me at all. They give you pills to dilate you before you go into theatre which twinged my stomach a couple of times, but nothing more than period pain. I didn't bleed for any more than about 5 hours after the procedure. I'm not sure if I was just lucky, but i've heard that a lot of ladies don't suffer with any of this either. It was the best way around it but be prepared to feel extremely empty without your angel inside you when you wake up. It tore me apart but it brought me closure, knowing that I had been cleaned out properly. about 6 weeks after all of this is when I was probably back to myself without the constant dull feeling surrounding me.

Sorry for the huge paragraph, I feel for you. Feel free to private message me if you need/want to chat hun. xx

 

[LRT]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Skoer. I learned on Monday that I had a MMC at about 6 weeks. I've also had no cramping or bleeding. I'm scheduled for a D&C on Monday. I'm also very sad. This would have been our second, we have a 2 year-old son. I really want him to have a sibling and not be an only child like me. I'm older, so I don't know if we'll get another chance. I chose the D&C because I really don't want to go through it naturally. Seems like the D&C will give me some control over the process. I just want it over with.

 

[Megan1986]

This story is all too common. I went with a d/c also and know it was the best choice as it had been over 2 weeks since the baby passed and my body wasn't handling things at all. Hopefully we will all be announcing bfp soons!

 

[Skoer1360]

Thank you to all of you girls who took the time to reply, I appreciate it. It makes me feel better knowing that there are people who understand where I'm coming from and they are in a better place than I am; it gives me hope that someday we'll be back to normal.

I scheduled the D&C for Friday at 3pm, I told my boss I would work a half day but I'm not sure if I'll be able to..

I'm just so up in the air about everything. I feel like I can't make a decision in anything and I kept forgetting the most basic things, and I know that I'm super scatterbrained.

Sigh.. I'm just ready for this to be over. DH booked a night at the beach for this weekend so we can get out, Dr okay'd normal activities the next day and I am really excited to just get out.

 

[Megan1986]

Good for you. The beach sounds like a great idea. So serene

 

[lamb27]

hello,im so sorry for your loss.
i went through the exact same thing as you hun,we went for our dating scan and found out our baby had died at 9 weeks but i had a missed miscarriage,i also was given the options and i chose the d&c which i had the next day,which was abit soon but i just needed it over with if you get me.
if you want to chat feel free to inbox me hun xxx

 

[angel2010]

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I found out yesterday at 9+6 that my baby had passed at 8+3. I had already had a bit of spotting so I wasn't completely shocked, but we stupidly told people to early. As soon as I found out, I just wanted to go ahead and tell everyone to get it out of the way. Because at my 7+4 ultrasound the baby was already measuring small. We believe we lost the baby 5 days before my ultrasound. I am going to wait a couple of weeks to see what happens naturally, but if it doesn't happen I will likely opt for the d&c.

 

[AmySan]

I am SO sorry I also just found out that my baby died at 9 weeks 2 days (was only 10 weeks) and it is the worst pain in the world, and I will be praying for you. I took the week off of work, and can't even imagine going in on Monday yet Take as much time off as you can to process. It has been helping me...I think.. Lean on friends, and the women on here.

 

[pixster]

So sorry for your loss, I have just suffered a mmc, the bean had got to 7wks, but I didn't start to miscarry until 12wks and it was a complicated miscarriage and sad time. I don't even know where my brain was from the time the very nice nurse explained everything that had happened and what could happen next - I think I ran on auto pilot for the rest of the week. Being a pessimist I refused to tell anyone and swore my o/h to secrecy and so only a few people knew about the pregnancy, we've had a bad few months and hope this would be a ball of happy - not to be.
The miscarriage didn't go well for me, but I had the D&C on monday and to be honest it was a relief for it to be over, have initially taken a week sick but the more the week has gone on I feel like I am no where near ready to face the office and I am exhausted (I have been left mildly anaemic since the miscarriage) I am looking to get signed off again next week - my o/h has told me I should and so have a couple of friends so I think I need to listen to them.
Its so sad there are quite a few of us are currently going through this, I hope you are able to recover quickly. Don't push yourself too hard, really can't stress this enough. Enjoy the beach x

 

[Skoer1360]

today is the day, I've cried all morning because I only have a few hours left with my baby, even if baby has already gone.. I don't know how I'll survive the day.

 

[Starry Night]

Sending a prayer up your way.

 

[cupcake1981]

Hugs hun, say goodbye b4 your surgery. I hope you don't have too much pain afterwards, if you do, ask for pain relief, don't hurt in more ways than you need to.

We are all here for you xx

 

[Megan1986]

Praying for you my dear!

 

[Skoer1360]

I'm out of surgery, they said I did fantastic and didn't lose much blood during the procedure. I only cried afterwards for a couple minutes and then I calmed down when I started to wake up a bit more and actually got to joking around a little bit with the nurse I had... he was gayer than a rainbow and thought DH was sweet (awww).

I feel better not only physically but emotionally as well, though I am still sad and terrified it will happen again I feel more whole than I did before. I feel more closure. I think I can begin healing now, and I definitely feel like I have a fresh start and I'm not in limbo anymore.

Right now I'm going to have some soup and sleep. Excited to go to the beach tomorrow and start trying to heal.

Thank you ladies for all your support, I really appreciate it even though I didn't respond much, just reading your support has helped me. I don't think I could've made it through this without you girls.