Missed Miscarriage

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Lou123, Sep 17, 2007.

  1. Lou123

    Lou123 Active Member

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    :cry:

    Hi All

    This is the first time that I have been able to really talk about my recent miscarriage. I thought that I was doing OK but it all seems to be hitting home now and I'm feeling low.

    I started experiencing small amounts of brown discharge on 08/09/07. I rang my midwife who advised to sit tight and try not to worry unless I was experiencing cramps/pains (which I wasn't). I range the EPU on Monday 10/09/07 who said they would book me in for a scan but it wouldn't be until Wednesday 12/09/07 (the waiting was unbearable).

    Last Wednesday my husband and I went to the scan. I was 8 weeks + 6 days. The sonographer told us that she could see the fetal pole but no heartbeat and the measurements were indicating that the baby stopped growing at about 7 + 6. We opted for the EPRC but couldn't have this done until two days later. Friday morning 14/09/07 we arrived for the procedure and it went OK. I was home later that day.

    I'm still experiencing small amounts of bleeding but other than that I'm physically OK. Emotionally, I still can't believe it happened and I feel so low and empty. We had tried for months to conceive and when we were fortunate enough to do so, it was snatched away from us.

    My husband is keen to try again when I'm ready. At the moment I can't see that this will be anytime soon. I don't want to replace the baby that I had growing inside of me - I wanted that one.

    To make matters worse, my sister discovered she was pregnant about a month after I did. Her pregnancy wasn't planned and she was devasted because she has a 6 month old baby and doesn't think her and her husband can copy practially and financially. She did briefly think about termination but decided that she couldn't proceed with it in fear that she may not conceive again when they were ready. I can't face her at the moment. She is now at the same stage as I was at the time of my miscarriage and our due dates were only a week apart. I know that she has had her scan appointment come through but I just can't ask her about it or show any happiness or support for her because of my loss - and the fact that I desperately wanted our baby and she doesn't want hers.

    I visited the doctor this morning because I've been getting some pain in my pelvic area and he's prescribed antibiotics in case of infection. He tried to reassure me that miscarriages are very common and that a third of pregnancies result in miscarriage. He was almost trying to justify it as normal and it really didn't help.

    As much as I want another baby, I just can't think about it at the moment because I'm so scared it could happen again. People try to assure me, and say that it wont, but nobody can guarantee that I will have a healthy pregnancy - and if, as the doctor tells me, it's quite common, then it could happen again and I couldn't bear going through the experience again.

    Anyway, thanks if you've managed to read this far and I apologise for waffling. I'm all over the place at the moment. It would have been my 10-12 week dating scan tomorrow too. :cry:

    Lou x
     
  2. Ersurgeongirl

    Ersurgeongirl Trying for #2!

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    :hugs::hugs: Im terribly sorry for your loss. But sometimes things happen for a reasons :hugs::hugs:
     
  3. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    Hi hun

    Welcome to BabyandBump & my heart goes out to you for your loss. We had a hard time TTC & the heartache is unbearable but easier as time goes on (never disappears i dont think) we carried on TTC with success after a year & much heartache.

    Trying again is not wrong of you but as you say when your ready ... when you try again now, near future or distant future it will not mean your trying to replace your loss - not at all *hugs*

    Many women panic when they become pregnant and I'm sure many consider a terrmination but your sister is strong to continue her pregnancy but after a loss the pain of seeing someone else pregnant is upsetting - I found all of a sudden everyone was pregnant from the woman at the til to people I know. Face your sister in YOUR time I hope she understands. I doubt her bubba is unwanted - its just scarey for some x

    Sadly your doctor is right - most women experience one miscarriage often unaware have had what is called a chemical pregnancy which ends quite soon and is mistaken with a heavier period or late period. Your right that nobody can assure you and guarentee a future happy pregnancy but I will say the odds are in your favour (sorry best way to word it).

    I hope you have a lot of support at home - you need it even if its just to listen. Certainly don't apologise for 'waffling' ... through our ordeal I found my comfort online & I could never thank many girls I met along the way enough. Thats what we are here for too & your more than welcome to come waffle any time you want.

    I don't believe in things happen for a reason (sorry) but I do believe theres happiness at the end I never thought we'd come through our ordeals expecting parents.

    Stay strong
    x
     
  4. Mynxie

    Mynxie Well-Known Member

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    sorry to hear of your loss ((hugs))
     
  5. Lou123

    Lou123 Active Member

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    Thanks Wobbles for your support. I do have support at home, my husband has been great but he's far more positive than I am. He is just very grateful that we lost the baby sooner rather than later. He isn't experiencing the loss to the same extent as I am, it makes it difficult as I try to put on a brave face when he's around then find myself hiding away from him and bursting into tears.

    My mum has been great too but I think she feels she is a bit caught in the middle, between my sister and I. So in some ways I do feel a bit isolated and the fact that everyone else seems to have come to terms with it other than me.

    I think I will just have to give it time and take it each day as it comes for the time being. I lost my dad 18 months ago and the miscarriage has just made me grieve all over again and bought issues relating to my dad to surface again.

    Anyway, husband and I are fortunate enought to have a beautiful, healthy 3 year old daughter so I really can't complain. I just think it's going to take a little time to come to terms with. I'm dreading returning to work because I'm an emotional wreck! :hissy:

    Can't say that I'm convinced that things happen for a reason either - tragic and unbelievable things happen every day which I don't think can be justified because "things happen for a reason". However, I just have to come to terms with the fact that I won't be giving birth in April and that my sister will but our time will come one day (hopefully).

    Thanks again for your reply and support

    Lou x
     
  6. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    In its own way its good your husband sees a positive future & being supportive. I believe crying is healthy it shows emotion ... I often fell asleep with tears in my eyes and even wake up made a cuppa & without knowing it had tears running down my cheeks. Try not to hide from your husband its amazing what a bit of comfort & no words can mean to you.


    I can only imagine the situation with your family at the moment don't feel isolated just let them know you need your time at the moment and you will come round in your own time - if tention is present amoung you all with no understanding that time will be longer. It must be so hard for you :( A lot can happen between now & your sisters expected time depending if and when that time for you to try again is right - don't feel your replacing your bean though should you feel you could try again - feeling so I think would make the pain and loss more suffering for a longer period.

    You will be happy for your sister you just need to come to terms with how your feeling right now so don't feel bad *hugs*

    Wishing you lots of luck when that time is right
    x
     
  7. bek74

    bek74 Mum of 5

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    Lou123, I do know how you feel. I lost my bean when I was about 11wks pregnant and it was hard not only because I had a miscarriage but also because one of my close friends was pregnant the same time as I.
    I waited 3mths after my Miscarriage and started ttc and I was fortunate enough to conceive on that first month and held the pregnancy and gave birth to our 3rd healthy son.
    As hard as it is, most women will experience a miscarriage sometime during there child bearing years.
    I agree with Wobbles, please don't think by trying again that you are replacing the bean you lost, that isn't the case.
    I wish you all the very best TTC :hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  8. Countrybound

    Countrybound Member

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    Hi Lou123 :hugs: I know what you're going thru. I went in for a routine ultrasound at 9 weeks and 4 days on the 13th of September. I had had horrible morning sickness but it stopped the week before. I just thought I was lucky that it didn't last as long as it did with my first. I was sitting there talking to my doc about how I hoped it was twins and so on... just laughing away. The nurse stepped out to get my husband and son for the ultrasound and the doc started. As soon as my husband walked in the doc said she didn't see a heartbeat, she asked for another doc to come in who confirmed it. I cried and cried. I never expected anything to be wrong at all. I guess my only sign was that the Morning sickness had toned down, but I was still sick sometimes so never thought anything of it. I had a D&C the same day.

    I was an emotional wreck for the first couple of days. Like yours that baby was planned for. I'm doing better now and am really focused on TTC again. I've been taking pregnancy tests every other day until I get a negative. Then I'll start with OPK's and go from there. I almost have a negative, but not yet , maybe another week or so.

    I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I hope you feel better soon.
     
  9. miss maternal

    miss maternal Well-Known Member

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    Hi Lou123, Im sorry for your loss and also know how you feel as I experianced a missed miscarriage 3 years ago and I was mentally scared for ages as I really wanted that baby. Now I am 32 weeks pregnant so there is light at the end of the tunnel. You must think to yourself that if your baby had survived maybe something would have been wrong so nature took its cause. My heart goes out to you and try to stay strong and look to the future.:hugs:
     
  10. *Stacey*

    *Stacey* Member

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    Hi

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know what your going through. I lost a baby at 8weeks and it is so hard to get over. Lots of thoughts and prayers to you.
     
  11. Yummy Mummy Nat

    Yummy Mummy Nat Lennon's Mummy

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    Hun what you are feeling is normal, I felt the exact say way when I m/c :hugs: i'm here for you if you need me hun :hugs: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  12. jo27

    jo27 Guest

    Hi, Just wanted to say i had a missed miscarriage back in May at 12 weeks although it had probably stopped growing at about 6/7 weeks. I'm now 5 weeks pregnant and petrified that the same will happen again but if it does i'll just keep trying. I know it's really hard but unfortunately because they are so common it's something you've got to expect in some respects. If women never have a miscarriage then they are very lucky. Where i work 4 women have all got pregnant and had healthy babies so i know it's hard when you've got people around you who seem to be sailing through their pregnancies with no problems. Good luck when you decide to try again. :hi:
     
  13. BurtonBaby

    BurtonBaby Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry for you loss Lou. I'm pregnant with my first, and during the whole first trimester, I was so worried about every cramp, and anything that didn't seem normal. My situation is somewhat similar to yours, only it was my sister who miscarried right before I got pregnant. It was very hard for her at first. When I found out, I was excitedly calling my family and telling them, and I called her, and as soon as I said it, she said she had to go and hung the phone up on me. It hurt me a lot at first, but I realized that she was going through an emotional time. Now we can talk about it. She is excited to have a niece or nephew. I know that it still hurts her a lot, but she has gotten past the hard part. I really hope that you do soon, I'm sure your sister would love for you to be there with her. And you will have a little one soon I'm sure. Good luck hun!
     
  14. xrachelxb

    xrachelxb TTC

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    Hiya hunni. A loss of a baby is a terrible thing. I know how you feel-when you want something sooo much and it just gets taken away from u :-( In august we found out our baby was severely ill and was going to suffer, so I went through a late termination at 6 months.

    Im still stuggling to come to terms with what has happened :-( I have friends who are pregnant at the moment and Its so hard to be around them! Just the other day I checked my calendar and it was the day the cot was due to arrive! I completely flipped out! I have good days and bad days, as you will too. It is important that you get lots of love and support and only when you're ready to try again.

    It's been 3 months since we lost Sean-and at first I thought if we tried again so soon we would just be replacing him. But my partner has been really good and we've talked loads about it with no pressure. In the end I decided we should start trying again, mainly because I'll never forget Sean-he's a part of my life and always will be.

    It takes time to get over something like this-and it varies in different people.
    I'm trying again and not to replace Sean. I'm trying because all of the reasons we wanted Sean in the first place haven't changed. Don't feel guilty if you do want to try again ok! When I do get pregnant again I'll be a nervous wreck like u may well be-probably the whole way through the pregnancy!

    You've had a bad experience, but don't let that put you off as it doesn't mean it will happen again. Stay strong and positive.

    loadza luv n hugs go to u.

    Rachel xxx
     
  15. monique

    monique Mom the 16 month old son

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    am sorry for your loss
     
  16. danielle19

    danielle19 Well-Known Member

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    im sorry for your loss :hugs: :hugs:
     
  17. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

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    I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:
     

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