Lou123
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- Sep 17, 2007
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Hi All
This is the first time that I have been able to really talk about my recent miscarriage. I thought that I was doing OK but it all seems to be hitting home now and I'm feeling low.
I started experiencing small amounts of brown discharge on 08/09/07. I rang my midwife who advised to sit tight and try not to worry unless I was experiencing cramps/pains (which I wasn't). I range the EPU on Monday 10/09/07 who said they would book me in for a scan but it wouldn't be until Wednesday 12/09/07 (the waiting was unbearable).
Last Wednesday my husband and I went to the scan. I was 8 weeks + 6 days. The sonographer told us that she could see the fetal pole but no heartbeat and the measurements were indicating that the baby stopped growing at about 7 + 6. We opted for the EPRC but couldn't have this done until two days later. Friday morning 14/09/07 we arrived for the procedure and it went OK. I was home later that day.
I'm still experiencing small amounts of bleeding but other than that I'm physically OK. Emotionally, I still can't believe it happened and I feel so low and empty. We had tried for months to conceive and when we were fortunate enough to do so, it was snatched away from us.
My husband is keen to try again when I'm ready. At the moment I can't see that this will be anytime soon. I don't want to replace the baby that I had growing inside of me - I wanted that one.
To make matters worse, my sister discovered she was pregnant about a month after I did. Her pregnancy wasn't planned and she was devasted because she has a 6 month old baby and doesn't think her and her husband can copy practially and financially. She did briefly think about termination but decided that she couldn't proceed with it in fear that she may not conceive again when they were ready. I can't face her at the moment. She is now at the same stage as I was at the time of my miscarriage and our due dates were only a week apart. I know that she has had her scan appointment come through but I just can't ask her about it or show any happiness or support for her because of my loss - and the fact that I desperately wanted our baby and she doesn't want hers.
I visited the doctor this morning because I've been getting some pain in my pelvic area and he's prescribed antibiotics in case of infection. He tried to reassure me that miscarriages are very common and that a third of pregnancies result in miscarriage. He was almost trying to justify it as normal and it really didn't help.
As much as I want another baby, I just can't think about it at the moment because I'm so scared it could happen again. People try to assure me, and say that it wont, but nobody can guarantee that I will have a healthy pregnancy - and if, as the doctor tells me, it's quite common, then it could happen again and I couldn't bear going through the experience again.
Anyway, thanks if you've managed to read this far and I apologise for waffling. I'm all over the place at the moment. It would have been my 10-12 week dating scan tomorrow too.
Lou x