Hi guys
I have another post running about being on clomid and trying to conceive. But I figured here was a better place to talk about what happened.
Advanced warning - this is a long post!
I guess this post is partly for me but also partly so that maybe it can help someone else.
I have been trying to get pregnant for 6 years. I was finally on clomid in November but unfortunately my first cycle didn't result in a pregnancy. I had a really bad bleed and decided to rest and not to take clomid for a month.
Anyway on 13th March we were making dinner. I was fine cooking but once I put the food to my mouth to eat and wanted to be sick at the smell.
I took a test at around 10pm and it was positive. I screamed the house down lol. Showed my husband and he said very calmly to test again tomorrow. I guess since it had taken so long we thought knowing our luck it would be a false positive. So the following morning I tested again and it was still positive. I booked a docs appointment and at lunchtime I went out and bought one of those digital tests. It came up saying I was 3+ weeks pregnant.
The following Wednesday (20th) I had some spotting at work and went to a&e. I was classed as a high risk pregnancy so needed to get it checked. The doctor said I had a water infection and gave me some antibiotics. He also booked me in to the early pregnancy unit for a scan the following Tuesday (26th). Well it was the longest wait of my life. I felt pregnant. I felt sick and tired and my boobs hurt. I felt different.
I went to the scan on the 26th and they said for 6 weeks they should be able to detect a heartbeat and fetal pole and they couldn't. They weren't sure if because of my irregular cycle (pcos) I maybe wasnt as far along as we initially thought. So they did a hcg test. They retested on Thursday (28th). My score was 12468 on Tuesday but only 13869 on Thursday. The nurse called and said that whilst scores don't need to double when they get over 12000 they would have expected a higher rise and that they believed I was miscarrying.
I wish I knew how to describe the emotional pain both my husband and I felt. We just cried. I do believe in God and I was so angry that I shouted at God. I was like 'you knew how much I wanted this. Why would you take it away. Why would you let me get pregnant if you weren't going to let me keep my baby. Its cruel' and then I sobbed. I still felt pregnant but I also felt empty. And I felt guilty. Was it my fault that this happened? Could I or should I have done something differently? So many thoughts ran through my head.
And then the physical pain came.
On the Friday I started spotted. By Saturday I was in so much pain I could barely move. On Sunday (mothers day) my husband came home to find me doubled over in pain sobbing because I couldn't take the pain anymore. So I called 111. They booked me an appointment with an out of hours gp. She made me do a pregnancy test which she said was a strong positive result. I told her what had happened and she said that it still might have been too early and she still thought I could be pregnant. That hope she gave me was both the best and the worst thing I've had to hear. She said if I was unable to manage the pain I needed to go to a&e. So off to a&e we went with a letter from that gp. I was seen immediately. My blood pressure was through the roof because of the pain. They gave me pain relief and admitted me to the gynaecology unit. I had a canula put in, was put on nil by mouth and put on a drip to keep my hydrated. Because the pain was mainly on my left side they thought it might be ectopic. I should also mention that they saw a cystic area by my left fallopian tube on the 26th. So they rescanned on the 1st April and said that cystic area had disappeared so it wasnt ectopic but my hcg was still nearly 14000. The scan also showed an empty sac. So they sent me home with pain relief and told me to rest.
What followed was the worst thing I've ever endured. Just to warn you there will be tmi in the next part! The bleeding got heavier. I wasnt filling a pad every hour but the amount of blood when I wiped was more than I had ever seen. I had contractions for 5 days whilst my body tried to pass the blood and tissue. I was exhausted and in agony. My hips hurt. I constantly felt like I needed to open my bowels even though I didn't. I stood up to make a cup of tea and felt something wet down my leg. When I looked there was blood dripping down my leg. My husband had to get me a change of clothes and a towel and help me in the shower. In the shower I started passing huge clots. The tissue got stuck half in me half out - I had to gently pull it out. It was white and wrinkly and covered in blood. Weirdly as soon as the last bit of tissue came out of me the pain eased right off. A few days later I tried to go to the supermarket. As I was walking round I felt lightheaded and I genuinely thought I would faint.
But here I am. Battling through. I get the odd twinge in my back but apart from that physically it's like nothing happened. Mentally and emotionally is another story. I still cry. Well it's only been a few weeks so I think I'm allowed. I did a repeat hcg and my level was 181. A massive drop from 14000! I did a pregnancy test a few days later and it was negative. It's the first time I ever wanted a negative result.
Anyway once again apologies for the long post.im sure I've missed out loads so if anyone is going through anything similar please feel free to ask any questions. I hope that this helps even one person. As great as the nurses were (and they were honestly brilliant) no-one warned me of the pain I would be in. Or the amount of tissue and blood I would pass. I freaked out when I saw it because I had been told it would be like a bad period. It wasn't like a bad period for me. It was something much worse!
Anyway its not going to stop me from trying again!
I have another post running about being on clomid and trying to conceive. But I figured here was a better place to talk about what happened.
Advanced warning - this is a long post!
I guess this post is partly for me but also partly so that maybe it can help someone else.
I have been trying to get pregnant for 6 years. I was finally on clomid in November but unfortunately my first cycle didn't result in a pregnancy. I had a really bad bleed and decided to rest and not to take clomid for a month.
Anyway on 13th March we were making dinner. I was fine cooking but once I put the food to my mouth to eat and wanted to be sick at the smell.
I took a test at around 10pm and it was positive. I screamed the house down lol. Showed my husband and he said very calmly to test again tomorrow. I guess since it had taken so long we thought knowing our luck it would be a false positive. So the following morning I tested again and it was still positive. I booked a docs appointment and at lunchtime I went out and bought one of those digital tests. It came up saying I was 3+ weeks pregnant.
The following Wednesday (20th) I had some spotting at work and went to a&e. I was classed as a high risk pregnancy so needed to get it checked. The doctor said I had a water infection and gave me some antibiotics. He also booked me in to the early pregnancy unit for a scan the following Tuesday (26th). Well it was the longest wait of my life. I felt pregnant. I felt sick and tired and my boobs hurt. I felt different.
I went to the scan on the 26th and they said for 6 weeks they should be able to detect a heartbeat and fetal pole and they couldn't. They weren't sure if because of my irregular cycle (pcos) I maybe wasnt as far along as we initially thought. So they did a hcg test. They retested on Thursday (28th). My score was 12468 on Tuesday but only 13869 on Thursday. The nurse called and said that whilst scores don't need to double when they get over 12000 they would have expected a higher rise and that they believed I was miscarrying.
I wish I knew how to describe the emotional pain both my husband and I felt. We just cried. I do believe in God and I was so angry that I shouted at God. I was like 'you knew how much I wanted this. Why would you take it away. Why would you let me get pregnant if you weren't going to let me keep my baby. Its cruel' and then I sobbed. I still felt pregnant but I also felt empty. And I felt guilty. Was it my fault that this happened? Could I or should I have done something differently? So many thoughts ran through my head.
And then the physical pain came.
On the Friday I started spotted. By Saturday I was in so much pain I could barely move. On Sunday (mothers day) my husband came home to find me doubled over in pain sobbing because I couldn't take the pain anymore. So I called 111. They booked me an appointment with an out of hours gp. She made me do a pregnancy test which she said was a strong positive result. I told her what had happened and she said that it still might have been too early and she still thought I could be pregnant. That hope she gave me was both the best and the worst thing I've had to hear. She said if I was unable to manage the pain I needed to go to a&e. So off to a&e we went with a letter from that gp. I was seen immediately. My blood pressure was through the roof because of the pain. They gave me pain relief and admitted me to the gynaecology unit. I had a canula put in, was put on nil by mouth and put on a drip to keep my hydrated. Because the pain was mainly on my left side they thought it might be ectopic. I should also mention that they saw a cystic area by my left fallopian tube on the 26th. So they rescanned on the 1st April and said that cystic area had disappeared so it wasnt ectopic but my hcg was still nearly 14000. The scan also showed an empty sac. So they sent me home with pain relief and told me to rest.
What followed was the worst thing I've ever endured. Just to warn you there will be tmi in the next part! The bleeding got heavier. I wasnt filling a pad every hour but the amount of blood when I wiped was more than I had ever seen. I had contractions for 5 days whilst my body tried to pass the blood and tissue. I was exhausted and in agony. My hips hurt. I constantly felt like I needed to open my bowels even though I didn't. I stood up to make a cup of tea and felt something wet down my leg. When I looked there was blood dripping down my leg. My husband had to get me a change of clothes and a towel and help me in the shower. In the shower I started passing huge clots. The tissue got stuck half in me half out - I had to gently pull it out. It was white and wrinkly and covered in blood. Weirdly as soon as the last bit of tissue came out of me the pain eased right off. A few days later I tried to go to the supermarket. As I was walking round I felt lightheaded and I genuinely thought I would faint.
But here I am. Battling through. I get the odd twinge in my back but apart from that physically it's like nothing happened. Mentally and emotionally is another story. I still cry. Well it's only been a few weeks so I think I'm allowed. I did a repeat hcg and my level was 181. A massive drop from 14000! I did a pregnancy test a few days later and it was negative. It's the first time I ever wanted a negative result.
Anyway once again apologies for the long post.im sure I've missed out loads so if anyone is going through anything similar please feel free to ask any questions. I hope that this helps even one person. As great as the nurses were (and they were honestly brilliant) no-one warned me of the pain I would be in. Or the amount of tissue and blood I would pass. I freaked out when I saw it because I had been told it would be like a bad period. It wasn't like a bad period for me. It was something much worse!
Anyway its not going to stop me from trying again!
