mixed race son and would love to meet someone but...

[fairydust87]

Im mixed race (white mum and black dad) but was raised really ny my mum. I know my dad and he was there but I never knew his family. I was surrounded by my mums (white side) family. I have no interest in my black side and am attracted to white men. It wouldnt have bothered me if my mum met a white man I would have actually prefered it.

Hope it all works out for you xx

 

[lj2245]

My cousin is mixed race (his Mum is white and Dad black). He never met his Dad and his Mum met my Uncle when my cousin was a tiny baby. My uncle married my aunt and adopted my cousin. He was raised in a family with 2 older brothers, an older sister and a younger sister. All white. They didn't tell him about his colouring and he grew up assuming he merely had a good tan I can understand why they allowed him to think that way but it was awkward because everyone else (myself included) knew the truth and knew he'd find out sooner or later.

Now he's a grown man with a family of his own. He's got a good career and is close to his family. I am guessing he now knows he is adopted by my uncle and knows he is mixed race but this has never been discussed with me. He's a good guy. My uncle loves his as much as he loves his other 4 kids.

Kinda similar to your situation. Maybe you will meet someone who will treat your LO as his own. Either way, as long as you love him and do what's best for him, he'll turn out just fine

 

[Jolann]

Your little boy is gorgeous! But I'm a little bit biased - my son is also half British/half Ghanaian. Slightly different situation, we are still together, his family accept me and my family (with one exception) do him. We are from such very very different backgrounds and families that when I see similarities in them (which I do, often) it always amazes me and reminds me that people are pretty much the same the world over.

We do worry that he'll feel like he doesn't fit in in either country so we're going to do our best to bring him up to love and be proud of both country's and cultures. It does help that I love Ghana and my husband is growing to love the UK (except the weather. I doubt he'll ever get used to that). We'll get him passports for both and then when he's older he can choose which one he prefers to live in (or any other if he wants). To be honest, I expect he'll experience less racism in the UK than he would there unless he mixes with the expat community.

I lived in Ghana for the last 5 years, my husband lived there all his life until last Oct when we came to the UK for LO's birth. There's a very good chance we'll end up living in an African country once we've finished having children (medical system is generally so much better in the UK) as we both love the continent. If ever you want to know anything, or if you just want a rant to someone who understands the culture just pm me. Sadly I know quite a few people who behave like your ex, its pretty acceptable culturally to have 2+ partners particularly when one is white and one is black although its more often women than men. Oh and I make a mean groundnut soup and would love to trade recipes if you've got any good ones!

 

[fingers_cross]

Your little boy is gorgeous! But I'm a little bit biased - my son is also half British/half Ghanaian. Slightly different situation, we are still together, his family accept me and my family (with one exception) do him. We are from such very very different backgrounds and families that when I see similarities in them (which I do, often) it always amazes me and reminds me that people are pretty much the same the world over.

We do worry that he'll feel like he doesn't fit in in either country so we're going to do our best to bring him up to love and be proud of both country's and cultures. It does help that I love Ghana and my husband is growing to love the UK (except the weather. I doubt he'll ever get used to that). We'll get him passports for both and then when he's older he can choose which one he prefers to live in (or any other if he wants). To be honest, I expect he'll experience less racism in the UK than he would there unless he mixes with the expat community.

I lived in Ghana for the last 5 years, my husband lived there all his life until last Oct when we came to the UK for LO's birth. There's a very good chance we'll end up living in an African country once we've finished having children (medical system is generally so much better in the UK) as we both love the continent. If ever you want to know anything, or if you just want a rant to someone who understands the culture just pm me. Sadly I know quite a few people who behave like your ex, its pretty acceptable culturally to have 2+ partners particularly when one is white and one is black although its more often women than men. Oh and I make a mean groundnut soup and would love to trade recipes if you've got any good ones!

thank you so much! yes sadly thats also the reason my friend and her boyfriend broke up (the one with the 4 year old I was talking about in my post). Also when I lived in spain we worked in a bar and ALL of my exs friends were exactly the same and didnt even try to hide it. Had wives back home in Ghana, serious girlfriends in spain and then also slept around with different girls on holiday. It definitely is culturally acceptable in Ghana, but I still wished that my ex was different..but he wasnt!!lol.

I dont blame your husband with the weather here..I dont think any of us like it! It sounds like your son is going to have an amazing life! I just hope I meet a nice caring guy one day. Ive had 2 serious relationships (my ex and also a nigerian guy before him for 3 years, and he was exactly the same with the cheating) and decided although I love the culture (most of it!), confidence most of them seem have, good looks, charm etc Im staying away from african men. I cant risk it with my son now, and in my eyes its a big risk and very rare to find a man born and raised in africa (especially north africa) who can stay 100% faithful and thats what I need. some people may say im stereotyping but im judging it through my experiences and the people i have met and the risk is waaayy to high in my eyes. planning to only date british or western raised men, guess we will see how it works out lol.

haha! thats the one thing im RUBBISH at cooking is soup! my ex was AMAZING at cooking soups so he always cooked them and although i tried it a few times, was rubbish compared to him so it was always him cooking it (although i was never allowed to tell anyone that as the women are meant to do all the cooking lol, although i still did all the chopping and he just chucked in in the pan!). My dish is jollof. love cooking it and eating it, put on so much weight eating it :S lol. Feel free to give me some soup recipes!! I miss eating fufu so much! but since i cant cook soup i havent eaten it since i left spain a year and a half ago!! someone needs to open a ghanaian restaurant up here!lol.

Although to be fair i can cook an ok light soup, our landlord (who was also ghanaian live with us) loved my light soup and id always cook it and go back through to get some more and half of it was gone!haha. But my ex preferred his own (very fussy eater! a friend of his who he thought of as his little sister came to visit from ghana and he didnt like any of her cooking! althogh he didnt tell her that lol)x

 

[caandii]

My little boy is mixed race too. And my partner is really the only black person in his life and I'm not too worried. As long as he knows he's no different just because of his skin colour I don't see any problem with you dating whoever you feel connected to. As long as your child is healthy and happy I think everything else will fall into place.

 

[Jolann]

thank you so much! yes sadly thats also the reason my friend and her boyfriend broke up (the one with the 4 year old I was talking about in my post). Also when I lived in spain we worked in a bar and ALL of my exs friends were exactly the same and didnt even try to hide it. Had wives back home in Ghana, serious girlfriends in spain and then also slept around with different girls on holiday. It definitely is culturally acceptable in Ghana, but I still wished that my ex was different..but he wasnt!!lol.

I dont blame your husband with the weather here..I dont think any of us like it! It sounds like your son is going to have an amazing life! I just hope I meet a nice caring guy one day. Ive had 2 serious relationships (my ex and also a nigerian guy before him for 3 years, and he was exactly the same with the cheating) and decided although I love the culture (most of it!), confidence most of them seem have, good looks, charm etc Im staying away from african men. I cant risk it with my son now, and in my eyes its a big risk and very rare to find a man born and raised in africa (especially north africa) who can stay 100% faithful and thats what I need. some people may say im stereotyping but im judging it through my experiences and the people i have met and the risk is waaayy to high in my eyes. planning to only date british or western raised men, guess we will see how it works out lol.

haha! thats the one thing im RUBBISH at cooking is soup! my ex was AMAZING at cooking soups so he always cooked them and although i tried it a few times, was rubbish compared to him so it was always him cooking it (although i was never allowed to tell anyone that as the women are meant to do all the cooking lol, although i still did all the chopping and he just chucked in in the pan!). My dish is jollof. love cooking it and eating it, put on so much weight eating it :S lol. Feel free to give me some soup recipes!! I miss eating fufu so much! but since i cant cook soup i havent eaten it since i left spain a year and a half ago!! someone needs to open a ghanaian restaurant up here!lol.

Although to be fair i can cook an ok light soup, our landlord (who was also ghanaian live with us) loved my light soup and id always cook it and go back through to get some more and half of it was gone!haha. But my ex preferred his own (very fussy eater! a friend of his who he thought of as his little sister came to visit from ghana and he didnt like any of her cooking! althogh he didnt tell her that lol)x

I'm not sure how I lucked out with my husband. He has 5 sisters, a very dominant mother and fairly quiet father so he's been bought up in a strongly female household. Before he was born his father had an affair from which he has an older half brother, but his mother took the baby in and looked after him - his father has always regretted the affair and taught all his children they shouldn't have them. I'm not saying he never will, just that I doubt there's any more chance of him having one than there would be with a western bloke. When we first got together I tested him hard! There are so many interracial couples out there together for money rather than love and I was determined I wasn't going to be one of them - not that I have any money but there is often an assumption made that if your white your rich. And I have regularly threatened him with amputation if does have an affair if you get what I mean! But no, I don't think your stereotyping - I see my husband as the exception to the rule and I met a few others who were too but not that many!

I'll dig out my recipe for you. We're trying to learn palava sauce at the moment, my husband tried but put AN ENTIRE 1LITRE BOTTLE of palm oil in it. It looked pretty authentic but I couldn't bring myself to even try it it was so greasy so its my turn to try next time. He does a good light soup too, probably my favourite actually that or red red!

 

[Jolann]

Oh and I've just realised your little one was born the day after mine!