MMC........ devastated

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by glems, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. glems

    glems New Member

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    I went for my 12 week scan on Monday 7th Nov only to discover the baby died at 9 weeks. I knew straight away when I saw the little thing lifelessly on the screen. It was such a huge shock. I was still throwing up at 10 weeks and had grown quite a bump, so much so many of my colleagues had guessed at work. I opted for the ERPC and was taken into the hospital the following day. I was sobbing all the way to theatre, the staff were lovely - except for the surgeon who asked me when my last period was, I told him 11th of August and he estimated I was about 11 weeks, I told him I was 12 and 4 (it mattered to me) and he told the nurse "its going to be quite big then" the nurse was pretty angry saying the I did not need to know this, he said "I know, its just for us" the nurse angriy repeated what she said before.

    I wake up in the mornings feeling sad and empty. I do not need to get up to the loo in the middle of the night, I have lost my little bump - it just went away over night. The day before the scan I sorted through all the clothes that no longer fitted me and proudly hung up my maternity clothes, I still have the task of unsorting them. I bought chocolates to take to the staff room to celebrate my news which was never to be. I just want to throw them away, actually I just want to smash them against a wall. I have taken the week off work and been signed off for 2 more weeks by the doctors. To make things worse, the lady who teaches the same year as me is also pregnant, she is due two days after I was so there will be a constant reminder of what I have lost. I dont want to feel like this, I know it wont last, she deserves to have a happy pregnancy without feeling guilty about my loss.

    People are giving me time to grieve and I feel so lonely, I just want to talk about it with someone but dont want to burden them - which is why I am on here talking to you guys. I have never known a grief like this, it goes so deeply. I keep thinking I did not even ask if they knew the sex of the wee one or what happens to the remains after the operation. There is so much going on inside my head.

    I am however blessed with a beautiful 11 month old baby girl and a wonderful husband who has been so supportive. I know this feeling wont last forever, its just all so raw at the moment.
     
  2. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    I'm so sorry for all you have been through and are going through =( That doctor sounds absolutely heartless, I am glad the nurse said something to him.

    I have an 11 month old boy and his little smile is probably the only thing getting me through this right now. I hope you are finding the same comfort. The hardest part for me is definitely the mornings, if it werent for him I dont think I would get out of bed. I would want to sleep the days away. I hope your little girl is helping to keep you occupied and reminds you every day why you must be strong for her.

    The girls on here keep saying things will get better, and I hope they are right. I know I will never forget this pain I feel, but I hope it does get easier for all of our sake.

    You definitely put something in perspective for me, I have recently been feeling like everyone around me just doesnt know how to deal with what I am going through, but maybe they too are just allowing me time to grieve. It makes me feel so lonely though... I want to talk about it, it helps. But maybe they are just giving me space?
     
  3. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    reach out.. you're not a burden, if anyone thinks you are then you reach out to somebody else.. i've lost a few "friends" because of the loss of my daughter.. but they aren't people i would want around.. my baby was real. i lost lily at 12+1 and she stopped growing at 10.. we had her cremated and my real friends have been a dream.. we all miss her so much.. and you have every right to miss and to talk about your baby. i know you said you never found out the sex, and my friend didn't either when she lost her baby.. though she liked to think he was a little boy.. as i chose a gender for lily too, i always felt she was a girl.. perhaps you might like to choose a gender, and pick a name for your baby? or if you'd like there are many unisex names too. it helps in some weird way.. to acknowledge them.. because if they have a name, they were a person.. and if they were a person. this pain your feeling makes alot more sense.. it helped me personally to pick a gendered name and define her as female.. because it bothered me to call her "it". she is not an object. she is a baby.. and baby whose heart beat WAS 173 bpm two weeks before i found out she had died.. and somewhere shortly after that.. it stopped.. remember your baby, and acknowledge your pain.. allow yourself to grieve and it will get better, even if sometimes you feel like you SHOULD hurt.. it's okay to move on.. and it's okay to not move on.. do what is right for you.. <3much love to you and your family.
     
  4. mummymurray74

    mummymurray74 Pregnant again after mmc

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    so sorry , just been through the same thing last week, I was 8.5 weeks and saw the heartbeat and they told me everything was perfect and fine even though id had 1 speck of blood. they said seeing the heartbeat means a 99% chance of full term baby.

    1week later returned for follow up scan and baby had died, i went with medical management as id previously had a D&C for mmc in 2008 when i was 13weeks and baby died at 8weeks.

    This is the second time its happened to us so know how you are feeling xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  5. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Thinking of you <3
     
  6. RebeccaLou87

    RebeccaLou87 TTC after a loss

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    Im so sorry for your loss. Exactly the same thing happened to me, so I understand completely what you are going through.

    Its so hard, and I feel the same. Its a type of grief I have never experienced and I am so upset, I dont know how to go on.

    Take care xxxx
     

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