Mom has come to help but... feeling stress

[Palestrina]

My mother has traveled here from europe to stay with me until baby comes. She's been helping me so much by keeping the house clean, helping me prepare the nursery, clearing out closets and moving things around. Really I am so thankful because all these things would have been too hard for me to do at this point.

However, she's been stressing me out a lot. She's of a different generation and she's been criticizing our choices non-stop. She thinks it's weird that we took a birthing class ("I never took a birthing class and I was just fine" she'll say.) she criticizes that hubby wants to be in the delivery room with me "that was unheard of in my day." she criticizes that my hubby wants to be changing diapers "that's not the man's job." Also she has been really critical of any aches or pains that I have. God forbid I say "ooh my back hurts" or "this baby is kicking me in the lungs" because she goes crazy and accuses me of being a big old baby and to stop my whining. She criticizes the fact that I've been reading baby books, pain management books, and even gets annoyed if I watch baby and labour type of television shows. What's wrong with all these things? I'm just trying to prep myself for this big event the best way I know how. Geez mothers are so difficult.

Sorry for the rant.

 

[Louise-B]

 

[PAgal]

Sounds like you are in a pretty frustrating situation--you clearly appreciate all her help but she must be making it uncomfortable for you as well. Maybe you could have a calm conversation with her, tell her 1st how very much you appreciate all her help etc. etc. then explain to her that things have changed, we have so much more information at our fingertips now that helps us to be prepared. And as a new mom, you just want to do the very best you can for you baby and that includes getting as much as that available information that you can. Good luck, I know it must be a difficult situation.

 

[Gbobs]

Oh dear, I feel your pain. I'm not sure I could handle my mum around before I give birth and she's luckily not inclined to pass comment like that - I'm just quite a control freak and independent and hate feeling smothered.

It does annoy me when people put their two penneth in like that - my MIL says the odd comment that really annoys me as although she doesn't mean it I always feel a bit bullied into agreeing. Things like "oh you've bought a baby bath, I bet you'll never use it....we just used the sink" and "ooh look at that thing, very over the top you never need all that." I think they assume they are being helpful and giving advise but half the time it would be more helpful to not interfere! Whilst my parents and in-laws are lovely I'm dreading all the "helpful advice" they will want to push onto us once baby is here - especially when a fair amount of it is 30 years out of date!

 

[expecting76]

much sympathy. my mother is coming to stay and i'm just hoping she gets here AFTER delivery, because i really think she may drive me crazy if my current mood gets any worse. but i know she is coming bc she loves me and her grandbaby, and i try to focus on that. i know i'm lucky, some people's mothers don't bother to be so involved. trust me, my mother also has an unfortunate tendency to say insensitive things about the pregnancy and she has really hurt my feelings a few times, but i'm just going to try to do my best to look past it. it helped a lot when i talked to her woman-to-woman, and explained that i was already feeling anxious and vulnerable with my first baby on the way, and tried to make her understand how some of her comments had made me feel worse. i was also honest with her about my anxieties about her judging and criticizing me around the time of birth. to my surprise she really did understand and since that conversation she's been much more supportive and less negative. but we'll see how it goes once she gets her hands on the baby!

 

[Palestrina]

Nice to see that some of you can talk to your mothers about how she makes you feel. Unfortunately that's not the case here. My mom loves me to pieces, I don't doubt that for a second, and she really is being very helpful here. But I cannot for a moment say that I'm afraid of labour or anything like that because her eyes roll to the back of her her head and she gets annoyed even at the idea of it. It's not an easy relationship but I do feel fortunate that she's taken the time to come and help.

 

[londonangel]

Mothers eh? Sounds annoying! Mine isn't allowed to visit for any extended period of time as she would drive me crazy. For instance, I sent mine some photos of me from Monday when I was 39plus1 as I thought she might like to see how much bigger I am now compared with three weeks ago when she last saw me, along with a pic of me and a cake I had made (she likes pictures does my mum!). Anyway, so what does she say? 'I have to say, you do look better with a properly fitting bra'. !!!!! For goodness sake. I was sooooooo cross with her. Just cos I told her the bra I was wearing for my nursing bra fitting was a bit tight and I had to get a bigger size...... SOOOOOO I felt quite smug as I told her that a) in the first pic I wasn't wearing a bra as it was too tight and had been annoying me and b) in the 39 month pics, I was still wearing the old size bras. Grrrrrr, mothers are so ANNOYING!

 

[londonangel]

Oops I meant 39 week pics. I haven't been pregnant for 39 months - it just feels like it!

 

[Palestrina]

Oops I meant 39 week pics. I haven't been pregnant for 39 months - it just feels like it!

Haha, that would definitely be torture.

 

[LaLaBelle]

Oooh, that sounds SO aggravating! I have no advice, but I totally feel your pain. Good luck getting through these last few weeks!

 

[tjw]

I can empathise. My mum lives just 2 roads away and while I appreciate that she does help out quite a bit, I feel smothered cos she tells me she WILL be at the birth and she WILL look after the baby and his older sisters so I can rest and she WILL come do the housework.... jees, I'm already a full time mum of two and have a perfectly good fiance who can look after our kids and always helps round the house, and I want HIM to be at the birth! Every time I broach the subject with her she overtalks me and TELLS ME what is going to happen. I'm at the point now where I've decided not to tell her when I'm in labour!!

Even since 1st tri she's treated me like an incapable invalid!! If I have a bag of shopping she snatches it off me and says I'll take that!! Honestly, my last pregnancy I was in torture from massive probs with spd etc that saw me in a wheelchair for 9 months but I still did things myself and even put the cot together etc. This time I have NO probs at all, yet she treats me like I'm physically incapable of ANYTHING!! Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

So BIG HUGS to you hon xx

 

[Palestrina]

I can empathise. My mum lives just 2 roads away and while I appreciate that she does help out quite a bit, I feel smothered cos she tells me she WILL be at the birth and she WILL look after the baby and his older sisters so I can rest and she WILL come do the housework.... jees, I'm already a full time mum of two and have a perfectly good fiance who can look after our kids and always helps round the house, and I want HIM to be at the birth! Every time I broach the subject with her she overtalks me and TELLS ME what is going to happen. I'm at the point now where I've decided not to tell her when I'm in labour!!

Even since 1st tri she's treated me like an incapable invalid!! If I have a bag of shopping she snatches it off me and says I'll take that!! Honestly, my last pregnancy I was in torture from massive probs with spd etc that saw me in a wheelchair for 9 months but I still did things myself and even put the cot together etc. This time I have NO probs at all, yet she treats me like I'm physically incapable of ANYTHING!! Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

So BIG HUGS to you hon xx

Oh I get this too. Suddenly I am incapable of carrying my own purse these days without her snatching it from my shoulder to "help."

 

[doggy121]

my mum lives a good few miles away but we speak on the phone daily and we have a good relationship BUT.. we'll phone her after the babys here as she'll drive over here like a madwoman and more than prob cry a lot and stress me out as this would've been my fathers first blood grandson if he was here and she seems to think i'll be very upset too but i've dealt with my dads passing a long time ago makeing it an uncomfortabley akward position for me to be in at a time when i want to be happy and smileing!

 

[Mother of 4]

Sorry you're having a rough time...I wish my mom could be here...she lives 8 hrs away

 

[londonangel]

When my parents visited a few weeks ago, I was carrying a chair into the kitchen (just a normal kitchen chair - it wasn't heavy) and they practically wrestled it out of my hands! Weird! And a bit annoying. For goodness sake, it was only a chair, it wasn't like I was trying to lift an elephant or something!