Moms/Mums of 2 or more: bedtime...

[Dani_87]

I hope I am posting this in the appropriate section...

For those who normally performed bedtime routine with number 1, how did you cope with caring for and nursing number 2 as well as performing the nighttime routine for number 1 (within the first 6mo-1yr)?

I am pregnant with number 2 and am planning on exclusively breastfeeding for the first year. We have a 2 bed/1bath home, and my husband, not thinking of the future, decided to install a shower when we renovated our bathroom (instead of replacing the bath tub). So one of my issues I've run in to is having to bathe the kids at different times. Besides that, DS will only lay down for bed for me. DH works a lot and pretty much just comes home, plays with DS for about an hour, we have dinner, then he (DH) falls asleep on the couch while I finish the night. I give DS a bath, sit him on the couch for quiet time while he drinks milk, then lay him in his crib. DS sees daddy as fun time, and a couple nights now DH has tried the bedtime routine but gives up quick and goes to sleep. DS ends up crying his brains out if DH tries to lay him down.

I'm trying to get my game plan figured out now, or at least some ideas...because the thought of juggling the two 24/7 is kinda making my head spin. haha Not so much daytime stuff, but more the night routine. DS fights sleep a ton as it is. :/

Sorry for the huge essay, I'm hoping there are some who were in similar situations and found their way around it all!

 

[Piper84]

DS is 2 years old and goes to bed between 7.30 and 8pm. DH similarly gets home about two hours before and plays with him and also puts him to bed, as DD (4 months), although getting better at being with DH, prefers to be with me. If I'm alone in the evening (DH often has to work late), I bring DD with me into DS's room/bathroom and she lies on her mat while I do the bedtime routine with DS. She usually goes to sleep later anyway and stays with us on the sofa until we go to bed and take her with us.

My advice is: get DH to learn the bedtime routine! If he keeps at it consistently, DS will get the message! Also try to do this before baby gets here so he doesn't associate the new baby with his mum suddenly not putting him to bed anymore.

Good luck!

 

[Dani_87]

DS is 2 years old and goes to bed between 7.30 and 8pm. DH similarly gets home about two hours before and plays with him and also puts him to bed, as DD (4 months), although getting better at being with DH, prefers to be with me. If I'm alone in the evening (DH often has to work late), I bring DD with me into DS's room/bathroom and she lies on her mat while I do the bedtime routine with DS. She usually goes to sleep later anyway and stays with us on the sofa until we go to bed and take her with us.

My advice is: get DH to learn the bedtime routine! If he keeps at it consistently, DS will get the message! Also try to do this before baby gets here so he doesn't associate the new baby with his mum suddenly not putting him to bed anymore.

Good luck!

Thanks so much!

I was thinking instead of just throwing DS's entire routine at DH all at once, maybe just gradually having him do a little more ever few days or every week will work better with DS.

That is a great idea about having DD in the room with you while caring for DS when you have no choice, though...I take it she is a pretty lax baby? Ever since DS was born he has been on a mission to go go go! Haha so I think that may be the other reason why I'm baffled as to how I am going to do it (I don't know what it's like to have a calm. lax baby)!

Has your DH always helped with DS's routine? Or was since DD was on her way?

 

[Noo]

My first-born is 8 so not as much of an issue as you but from reading your post - My advice is to get DH to step up to the mark and stop going to sleep on the couch and actually do something productive at bedtime... Even if he bathes and changes DS1 whilst you're feeding the baby, then you put DS1 to bed once you're done and DH has gotten the dinner ready whilst you were busy.

 

[Rachel_C]

My two are 23 months apart and I've always had to do the bedtime routine. OH often gets home from work after the kids are in bed so it's more consistent for the kids if I always do it, particularly as OH is too stubborn to follow my instructions exactly so often ends up ruining our routine if I make him do it!

Anyway, when my youngest was a baby I would bath them together if they both needed it, but often I would just bathe the oldest and the youngest would sit in a bouncy chair in the bathroom/just outside the door. Now, they sometimes have showers instead of baths (they're 4 and 2) so the oldest has a shower first, then I get her out and she goes to dry herself and get ready for bed while the youngest has a shower. Your oldest might be big enough to start drying and dressing himself by the time your youngest needs a regular bath so you could try that.

After that, I used to take the baby downstairs for OH to watch (spend some time getting to know each other) and I would put the oldest to bed as usual.

Then I'd come downstairs and put the youngest to sleep... or really, just feed her and let her fall asleep in her own time.

Now they're in the same bedroom and go to bed at the same time, so we do bath/story/sleep all at the same time. When my youngest was still feeding to sleep, I'd just lay down in bed with her after reading stories and wait for them both to go to sleep.

On nights when OH wasn't around to look after the baby while I put the oldest to bed, if the youngest was asleep I just left her downstairs or in our room... or if she would, I put a bit of kids' TV on and left her watching it in her bouncer! If not, I fed her while sitting in the oldest's room and reading stories.

 

[Piper84]

DS is 2 years old and goes to bed between 7.30 and 8pm. DH similarly gets home about two hours before and plays with him and also puts him to bed, as DD (4 months), although getting better at being with DH, prefers to be with me. If I'm alone in the evening (DH often has to work late), I bring DD with me into DS's room/bathroom and she lies on her mat while I do the bedtime routine with DS. She usually goes to sleep later anyway and stays with us on the sofa until we go to bed and take her with us.

My advice is: get DH to learn the bedtime routine! If he keeps at it consistently, DS will get the message! Also try to do this before baby gets here so he doesn't associate the new baby with his mum suddenly not putting him to bed anymore.

Good luck!

Thanks so much!

I was thinking instead of just throwing DS's entire routine at DH all at once, maybe just gradually having him do a little more ever few days or every week will work better with DS.

That is a great idea about having DD in the room with you while caring for DS when you have no choice, though...I take it she is a pretty lax baby? Ever since DS was born he has been on a mission to go go go! Haha so I think that may be the other reason why I'm baffled as to how I am going to do it (I don't know what it's like to have a calm. lax baby)!

Has your DH always helped with DS's routine? Or was since DD was on her way?

That sounds like it would work.

DD is very chilled. DS was not that way at this age! Who knows if it's nature or nurture, but second babies often seem that way!

DH started helping more with DS's routine after I got pregnant, which was when DS was 14 months old and had just moved into his own room. DH mainly reads with him and sings to him to get him tired and I go in if he calls for me just before giving in to the tiredness!

 

[minties]

My mantra was always "toddler first, toddler first, toddler first" haha!

Sophie would either be napping somewhere in the house or I'd take her into Thomas's room if OH wasn't able to watch her. I'd try and make a game of Sophie helping Thomas go to bed so he didn't resent her intruding on our bedtime rituals.

I've never done the whole bath before bed thing though, I found it so hard to wash the kids when Sophie was pre 6 months so can't imagine struggling with that every single night.

 

[history_girls]

I did bedtime on my own with a 4 year old and a 3 week old for the first time tonight. I've been worrying about it since she was born but oh has to work and he can't keep nipping out early to do bedtime!

I put dd1 in the bath and washed her hair. By the time this was done dd2 wanted feeding so I fed her in the bathroom whilst dd1 played and splashed about. Getting dd1 dry and dressed did involve the baby whinging in her cot for two mins until the hair drier started! Then it was Charlie and Lola and milk for dd1 whilst dd2 had the other boob on the sofa.

We all went up for a story. The only prob was the last snuggles were hard with a 3week old attached. Dd1 did look a little hurt. Dd2 came downstairs with me whilst dd1 went to sleep. But I managed it.

In time I hope dd2 will be easier to leave and ultimately go to bed first so I only have to do one at a time.

The fear of how will I manage was worse than the reality.

 

[Dani_87]

Thanks SO much, ladies! Hearing how you all have coped has really eased my mind a bit and has helped me get some ideas.

DS is getting all funky with his sleeping since DH and I have tried the adjustment (maybe a week now) and hasn't gotten to bed before 10pm. He's normally practically falling asleep in my lap and in bed by 8:30pm. Hoping this is just a phase, and once we get a new routine going he'll go back to normal time. lol DH has given DS a bath/shower the last 2 nights now, and will start the milk and 'relaxing' time, but DS gets all rowdy when he's with daddy...last night and tonight DH ended up falling asleep with DS on his lap, then DS gets down and tries to play all night...I'm sure he'd go till the sun comes up if I let him!! haha

Thanks again, ladies! I'll definitely be trying some of these things you've suggested!