More of my life's drama

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by nolansmom, Oct 8, 2013.

  1. nolansmom

    nolansmom Guest

    How do you cope with inlaw issues? I need a way to just resolve it in my own mind and move on as it's driving me nuts..

    Obvious OH family doesn't like me or want me around.. Ok. Fine..

    But holidays and events that I am not invited to.. So if OH wants to go he has to go alone.. Once lo is here OH will not be taking lo to those events that I am not welcome at.. Period!!

    What have you ladies who have gone through this done to just let it go? Do you just encourage OH to go to his family gatherings without you in a super "happy" way? I've been doing this - it's how I feel but I still feel resentment at the intent to separate OH and I. So I have this resentment toward the situation and how can I just compartmentalize it so it doesn't get in the way of being happy? OR cause arguments between OH and I.. I feel bad saying that I've considered throwing in the towel on OH and I because of this.. I've thought it would just be easier to never have to deal with such rude people again..

    What do you ladies do?
     
  2. HPmum2B

    HPmum2B Well-Known Member

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    Well I don't have a much of a relationship with my in-laws, but I know for a fact, if they invited him and not me, there is no way he would go without me. As far as he is concerned any invite to him extends to me. The more your OH goes without you, the more they will try to keep you apart.
     
  3. Larkspur

    Larkspur Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, to be honest, I would expect OH to have my back on something like this.

    If my inlaws were treating me badly and refused to have me around, I would expect him to tell them, "She and I come as a pair now; if she's not welcome, I'm not coming either."
     
  4. nolansmom

    nolansmom Guest

    But if OH doesn't see that on his own then I become the bitchy, controlling g/f who comes in between his relationship with his family - so it's no win for me..

    Are you and OH married? I feel like they don't have any respect for our relationship because I am not married..

    I have actually sent a short text to OH explaining how I feel and really letting him know that I can't do this anymore.. It's not about him going alone - it's about the fact that his family thinks that they can invite ONLY him.. Have no respect for Ds and I being a part of Oh life.. I simply can't do it anymore..
     
  5. worrying

    worrying Well-Known Member

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    Goodness, how hurtful of them not to invite you! I'm afraid I'm with the others in that I would expect my DH to have my back on this. I am totally with you when it comes to not sending your child to events that you are excluded from, but that too would have more weight coming from OH "This is my family, we come as a unit ect"

    Have you tried building bridges yourself? Maybe next time OH is invited and you're not, send him with a tin of home cooked cakes from you.. Kill them with kindness/guilt!
     
  6. lov3hat3

    lov3hat3 Mummy to lil J, Preggo #2

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    I agree with the other ladies I think the more he goes without you the more they will keep doing it. I think if they love and care for their son they will want to see him at events and that means seeing you too. I think it will take a while for them to get it into their heads that if your not invited then he isn't coming but after that they might get the point. If they want to think your the controlling bitchy gf then so be it, you and your OH know that your not and that's all that matters :flower: I wouldn't put up with that crap either :thumbup:
     
  7. chulie

    chulie Well-Known Member

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    Yup...if you've ever watched the show "Outlaw In laws" the NUMBER one thing the councellor always says it that this issue when in laws don't accept a woman is because the husband has not made it CLEAR to the family that this woman is in his life because he wants her there and they are a package deal......so I'm sorry to say my love, until your OH puts his foot down, nothing will change.

    I agree with the other ladies.....my in laws are a real treat....but if they EVER invited him without me anywhere...he would say no way...in the same respects if they have an issue with something....he better always side with you...YOUR his family too, especially with a baby on the way. I can totally see how this would drive a wedge between a couple. Forget texting...texting is not a proper way to have a serious conversation..things get take so wrong with texting....Sit your OH down and explain to him that until he stands up for you and stops going this relationship is doomed.....your right...HE has to want to do that and HE has to make it very clear to his family this is HIS choice and he can make it clear that he didn't realize going without you was just making things worse so HE'S standing up for his family...........good luck!
     
  8. JessesGirl29

    JessesGirl29 Well-Known Member

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    My OH and I are not married by our own choice and have a baby on the way and no problem with my I laws but when other issues come up (like a fight with his mom) I remind him that I AM his family. Marriage or no. family is about cooking, cleaning, loving, living and being there for someone on a daily basis. We laugh together, I wipe his tears when he has them and we are a unit, a team.

    No Way would he be going to something I wasn't invited to!and I'm proud to say I wouldn't have to ask. We broke up twice and got back together and my family didn't want to support me the last time. We stuck to our guns and now my family knows he's my family too. Always welcome at their house.
     
  9. smallpeanut

    smallpeanut Mummy to Annabelle

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    I'd be fuming Hun. Your other half should be appalled at his family's behaviours and to be frank, if he doesn't see a problem then he isn't worth wasting your time over. Show him this post maybe? Your not out of line Hun. Your a family now, he should be stepping up to that xxx
     
  10. Nikkilewis14

    Nikkilewis14 Well-Known Member

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    i agree my hubby would REFUSE to go without me. Even when i am upset with his mom for some reason and i dont want to go to their house, he will stay home with me.
     
  11. J_Lynn

    J_Lynn My daughter, my miracle

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    Your man should definitely being putting his foot down with his family ... Tony wouldn't ever tolerate that, he wouldn't go if I wasn't welcomed; just as I would do the same for him.

    That's not cool at all. I don't know what's less cool - the fact that your in-laws treat you like that, or the fact that he lets them. Yikes. He needs to be clued in that your relationship means your a team - and as a team, you should be welcomed to be wherever he is; no matter if it's with family or friends, and vice versa. Not a fun situation at all my dear - I wouldn't throw in the towel because of it, I would just maybe have a civil talk with him and explain to him how you wouldn't stand for your family to isolate him and if they did, you would take that as you weren't welcomed either because he's part of you. Maybe he will see the light and put his foot down with his family!
     
  12. J_Lynn

    J_Lynn My daughter, my miracle

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    you're a team*
     

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